Catherine the Great, the Empress of Russia from 1762 to 1796, had a voracious sexual appetite and was way ahead of her time in demanding that it be sated. It is a fallacy (snigger) that Catherine died while having sex with a horse when the horse fell on her, but her adoration of huge dicks is well documented. Her two most trusted court ladies were expected to audition lovers for Catherine, passing on only the biggest and most satisfying cocks for her to enjoy. Catherine figured out ways to accommodate the giants in her average sized vagina, but not without health risks. At least one lover had a penis so huge that it fucked around her cervix and banged the uterus directly. Her physician eventually had to ban Catherine from having sex with men like this because of the internal damage it caused.
Catherine the Great, empress of Russia in the latter part of the 18th century, was crushed to death when attendants lost their grip on ropes supporting a horse that was being lowered on her for, ah, sexual purposes. This is without doubt the most outrageous story I heard during my entire college career, which is when you usually come across these historical tidbits.
The boring truth is this: Catherine the Great died of a stroke while sitting on the commode in the palace at St. Petersburg. Another less commonly circulated rumor has it that Catherine was so grossly fat (true in itself) that she broke the commode and died of blood loss from resultant injuries, but this is regarded as a fabrication also.
The story about Catherine’s alleged yen for horses probably has its roots in the fact that she had an active and unusually public sex life. She had numerous lovers throughout her long reign, one of whom, Grigori Potemkin, procured young men for her after their own relationship cooled. The lucky stud would be “tested” by one of Catherine’s ladies-in-waiting, and if he showed promise he would be appointed adjutant general, or something along those lines, and spend a couple soft years performing as required.
Catherine developed a colorful reputation among the courts of Europe on account of this system. She had lots of enemies, any of whom might have embellished on the already randy truth and come up with the horse story. There is some thought that Polish emigres might have invented it after her death to discredit her and the Russians in general, Poland having fared badly at the hands of Russian armies during her reign.
Myth or Truth…?
1. Catherine was crushed to death by a horse whilst attempting to have sex with it (usually the collapse of a harness/lifting mechanism is blamed).
2. Catherine died on the toilet.
Catherine died in bed of illness; there were no equines involved and a Catherine/horse nexus was never attempted.
Catherine the Great of Russia’s death while attempting an unusual practice with a horse is one of the most virulent myths in modern history, transmitted by whispers in school playgrounds and lecture halls across the western world. It’s unfortunate that one of history’s most powerful and interesting women is known to most people as a beastite, but the combination of perverse rudeness and the relative foreignness of its subject makes this a perfect slander.
So if Catherine didn’t die while attempting sex with a horse (and just to reiterate, she absolutely, 100% didn’t), how did the myth arise? During past centuries the easiest way for people to offend and verbally attack their female enemies was sex.
Marie Antoinette, the hated queen of France, was subjected to printed myths so deviant and obscene they would make spam emailers blush and certainly can’t be reproduced here. Catherine the Great was always going to attract rumours about her sex life, but her voracious sexual appetite ÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚Â¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œ while modest by modern standards – meant that the rumours had to be even wilder. Historians believe the horse myth originated in France, among the French upper classes, soon after Catherine’s death as a way to mar her legend.
However, in recent years another myth has emerged. Take a quick look around the web and you’ll find pages debunking the idea of Catherine with the horse while stating that the great Empress of Russia really died while on the toilet. Admittedly such sites are quick to point out another myth, that CatherineÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚Â¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚Â¢s bloated body was so heavy it cracked the toilet (this variation was also spread by Catherine’s contemporary enemies), but the toilet features prominently nonetheless. Indeed, some sources quote thus from John AlexanderÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚Â¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚Â¢s marvelous biography of Catherine:
“Sometime after nine chamberlain Zakhar Zotov, not having been summoned as anticipated, peeked in her bedroom and found nobody. In a closet adjacent he discovered the Empress on the floor. With two comrades Zotov tried to help her up, but she barely opened her eyes once before emitting a faint groan as she exhaled and lapsed into unconscious from which she never recovered.” (Page 324, Catherine the Great by John T. Alexander, Oxford, 1989)
If you take ‘closet’ to mean water closet, another name for toilet, the quote seems fairly conclusive. Unfortunately, this ‘fact’ isn’t true but the product of a desire for belittling humour: the toilet is a common enough location of death to be true, but still intrinsically humiliating, especially for a great empress.
Catherine may have never recovered full consciousness after her collapse, but she wasn’t yet dead. Alexander’s book goes on to explain (in paragraphs rarely quoted) how Catherine was laid in her bed as doctors tried to save her body and priests made rites to save her soul. Throughout she was racked with pain, her convulsing appearance causing great distress to her consorts. It was over twelve hours after Zotov found her, well past nine o’clock at night, that Catherine finally died of natural causes, in bed and surrounded by friends and carers.