NRI Men , Beware of Marrying in India !!!

IPC 498A states , “Cruelty lies in the eys of the Beholder”. A shory essay on how Indian marital laws ruin the lives of  young ,honest and intelligent Indian NRI boys in the name of Dowry Harrasment .

How do I start telling about a sad and bitter story that I have just narrowly escaped, but have found other unfortunate brethrens that got duped? Should I present it as my story and use the sympathy gained from readers to nurse my own insignificant wounds or should I report it as a story of an actual victim as a third person and stay objective?

I had heard word ‘Bakra(Sacrificial Lamb)’ being used again and again by few of my wife’s girlfriends in a small gathering that my wife hosted shortly after our marriage to introduce me to all her special friends. I never understood the giggles that inevitably followed. We all were Vegetarians, so what was this “Bakra” all about?

As a member of growing Indian Diaspora in Western countries, you may have heard about or known young professionally qualified men, who after arriving from India have quickly ascended into secure and well paid jobs to establish themselves into acceptable standards in foreign lands. Such Indian men are popularly referred to as FOB (Fresh off the Boat). They are pride of India and pride of the land that have chosen to reside in.
You may have also come across few young Indian men who were born and brought up in foreign lands, in a land that was adopted by their forefathers. This group of young men is popularly referred to as ABCD (American/Australian Born Confused Desi).
Irrespective of whether a guy is FOB or ABCD, at some stages in his life, he starts (or is persuaded to) searching for his life partner, a perfect quintessential woman!

Directly or indirectly his attention is drawn to large number of educated and qualified brides from India. Perhaps, you have actively participated in conversations that discuss relative merits of matrimonial websites that specialise in servicing young brides and grooms of Indian Origin.
Whether the guy is still a NRI with significant roots still back in India or he is citizen (Permanently Resident) of the land that he is now living in, he will usually browse through matrimonial advertisements appearing in Indian and local papers and increasingly on the internet sites.
But, does he know of the dangers that are lurking just beneath the surface for getting married to girls from India?

If he is naïve and gullible (like I once was), he will foresee no problems whatsoever. After all, he is well established in a foreign land and has some strength to support the woman that he is hoping to bring into his life. Moreover, his prospective bride is also going to have sort of standards. She will also be a professional and when given a chance, she will also carve out her own success story. So, what is the problem?
In one phrase, the answer is “IPC 498A”. Yep, read it again, “IPC 498A”. That one phrase can become a problem that is big enough to drive many a successful men of Indian origin to commit suicide. This is the price that these unfortunate men pay for their overseas success.

To those of you who have never heard of this phrase, it stands for “Indian Penal Code 498A”. As you may have surmised by now, “IPC 498A” is some sort of Indian law. It is a full family nightmare for those who do get trapped.

Very few men come out of IPC 498A unscathed. Most come out after having lost major portion of what they had been working for. Few come out with virtually nothing but the clothes that they were wearing. Few become angry and stay that way for rest of their lives. Few become insane or suffer from life long diseases. Few get branded and are levelled with worst terrorists of the world. Those who are not prepared to face any of this, succumb to the comfort of committing suicide.

“What the heck is IPC 498A?” Is that what I heard you ask?

Well, my fellow married or unmarried Men, watch out for this one!!!
Another name for IPC 498A is “CRUELTY BY HUSBAND AND RELATIVES”.
From what is haphazardly documented, IPC 498A was drafted by esteemed Government of India to counter the growing problem in India wherein young brides and married women that were being harassed and tortured. Purportedly, the reason for this cruelty towards women was to extort money from her parents or her relatives. And the obvious perpetrators were husband and his family members. The IPC 498A was drafted to combat any and all such cruel husbands and serve them with a swift Justice.

AHA! So you say, they deserve it! It is a miraculous that Indian government came up with a law that could provide swift justice.
But what does a torturing Indian husband have to do with a man who is not living in India? After all, the latter is a professional, who is generally well educated and surely he would not stoop down to level that may be perceived as cruelty.
Answer as it turns out is “EVERYTHING!!”

As a child, I used to hear of phrases such as “Beauty is in the eye of beholder”; “Rose by any other name would smell just as sweet”.
From the lens of IPC 498A, “Cruelty is in the eye of beholder too”.
IPC 498A allows any married woman (Marriage has to be considered as legitimate in India) to approach the police in India and make a complaint that her husband and/or his family is being cruel towards her. In lot of cases, she does not even have to give a written complaint. Her oral testimony is considered true. After all, there have been no women in India, who can lie. The oral statement provided by the grieving woman is noted down by an obliging police officer. Once this formality is completed, her testimony is considered to be a part of “State Witness”. Depending upon the relative shrewdness of the complaining woman or the police officer taking her complaint, the focus quickly shifts towards the assets that are owned by the husband and his family. The poor tortured woman is entitled to complain of being harassed by more than one individual from her husband’s family irrespective of that person’s age, gender or health.
After the complaining process is finished, the woman is free to go wherever she chooses. She is a “STATE WITNESS”. She does not have to make herself available again.

Thus, you may have gathered that Indian Government has made it is extremely easy for any married woman to make a complaint. Alas! Perhaps you have had more experience than Government of India that some women can speak lie too.

Judging from the statistics of past few years of IPC 498A (shown in a table that will be shortly attached), it seems that 98% of women in India who have made complaints under IPC 498A have resorted to various degrees of lie. Perhaps, the magnitude and intensity of lie uttered by a woman depends upon the upbringing and family values that she was taught as a little girl.

Remember, I said that “IPC 498A” was designed to serve swift justice. In a policy that is akin to “Shoot first, Verify identity later (if at all)” philosophy, IPC 498A allows Indian Police to promptly prepare arrest warrants for everyone that is named in the woman’s complaint.
The most startling aspect of the IPC 498A arrest warrants is that the Indian bureaucratic machinery responsible for preparing them somehow manages to conclude bulk of their task on Friday afternoon! So, everyone who is named in the complaint under IPC 498A gets arrested on Friday evening. Since the courts are not fully operational on Saturday and Sunday, most of the people who are arrested spend their weekend inside a police lockup. Most usually get bails by Monday or Tuesday to be released from custody of Police, but bail is after all a bail. It is essentially a virtual arrest wherein you have freedom to move about instead of being locked up one place.

Constant presence of young and successful NRI men eagerly browsing the matrimonial websites to search for their life partners in India completes the picture. While the Indian law in itself does not seem to discriminate against NRI, the prospective brides, her family and the Police certainly seem to have a formula that is well suited to a NRI.

A NRI man may find that shortly after his marriage, his newly wed wife from India is behaving very differently from what she used to. She has generally become more demanding and gets too angry too fast. He may try to reason with her or perhaps consider sending her back to India.
Maybe, she is too depressed by having seen overseas life with all its gloss removed, or she had a boy-friend back in India that her parents did not approve of. Each woman had unique set of reasons and the sentiments towards her marriage. It becomes a problem if a woman was unscrupulous to start with or she can be talked into making an IPC 498A complaint. If she is born and bred in Urban India, she may be bold enough to do it herself.

There are police stations in India that specialise in providing ready made typed IPC 498A complaint documents that only need to be read out by the woman, since many still do not know on how and what to complain about. She is encouraged to add the relatives of husband who are living locally.
What if she is not prepared to read, “No problems, Ma’am!” There will usually be some member of police force, who, on behalf of the woman will be eager to read out her complaints/ self experiences from an already typed document.

It was extremely puzzling to read that almost all the NRI from Northern India were accused of holding and dragging their estranged wife by her hair while brethren from South were accused of beating her with his footwear. The repetitive violence stories were as puzzling as they were unsettling. Surely the Indian men had to have some variations on how they had abused their ex-wives. You could predict what was going to be in paragraph 5 of the complaint solely based upon the men’s name in paragraph 1. This enigma was solved after the discovery of ready made 498A complaint sheets. The BEST example of Indian supportiveness and “Indian Ingenuity, Global Impact”!

The woman is advised by police to not contact her husband or his family until all the paperwork is ready. After the paperwork is ready, she is advised to contact them and to make her specific demands known giving them extremely short time to comply. If they do not agree, the police swings into action and makes few arrests. The hell breaks lose.

If a husband is overseas when he comes to know of this, he has two options. First is to immediately succumb to his wife’s demands. It is a price that he has to pay to free members of his family who are in jail. He may attempt to fly to India to sort out the mess. He usually has no idea that he is headed directly into jail. Once, in India, he may be arrested on bail and cannot go back to his normal country of residence. His passport is taken away to ensure this. He has to stay until his trial is heard. In that case, he loses his job, his car, his house, etc…

The easiest way out of this predicament is to settle with his wife, which usually means that he has to pay her (or her family) large sum of money. The fact that he’d also be signing a divorce papers is a certainty. After he has been fleeced, he is free to go back to his foreign country so as to nurse his wounds or earn money to pay off the loan that he had to take to buy his freedom.

These men are perhaps the luckiest (sorry!!! least unfortunate) in terms of actual injuries. Unless you consider the fact that he will now be carrying his silent and unspoken wounds and emotional scars of being scammed for rest of his life.

It progressively gets worse for the rest. Those who are smart enough to stay overseas and choose to fight with the complaint of wife have to put up with extremely slow court machinery of India. The actual case of 498A is likely to see trial after 7 years in waiting. In all those 7 years, he, his parents and his relatives are under bail (arrest without being in jail).
Perhaps, those who do not have any family in India, or those whose wife did not name anyone other than the husband are less unfortunate. You might be inclined to think that, but you are wrong.

For a woman with some clout and police who are determined to get him, they have an option of Interpol. Police can issue an Interpol “Red Corner Notice” for such people. Interpol alert as you may already know is usually reserved for hardened criminals such as serial murderers, terrorists and drug dealers.

I have heard about a brilliant and successful software programmer (only child of his parents) who initially tried to hide somewhere in USA after his beloved wife put him on Interpol red corner notice for him. She had gone to India for her sister’s wedding and never came back to him. She went to Police to claim that her husband had asked for Rs. 1,00,000/- from her parents! The husband used to work in a large multinational before he got listed on Interpol, from which he was sacked as soon as his American manager came to know of his Interpol status. No sane company will want to hire a person who is branded akin to a terrorist. It took him over 6 months to realize what he had been dealt with only to be shot by a vigilant US police officer who recognized him. His father succumbed to heart attack shortly after his son’s death. His mother is not so lucky. She is still alive and locked up in a mental hospital chanting either “My husband did not ask for Rs. 1,00,000!!!” or “Give me Rs. 1,00,000, I need to send that to USA to bring my son back to life”. Her Doctors think that her son was a terrorist who was killed by US Police and he probably was involved in September 2001 attacks.

What happened to his former wife? She was never called to any court or police station again. After maintaining silence for about 5 years, she finally confessed that no one had asked her for any money, but she was upset with her husband who had refused to buy her a Lexus and was only prepared to spend for Honda. She cried openly. Was it for the turmoil that she had caused or was it for the car that she never got to drive?
Watch out my fellow unmarried brothers, after few meaningless affairs, this beautiful and charming young woman is back on internet marriage market. She has now grown wiser and is currently looking for “well educated, smart, successful and down to earth NRI Dulha”.

By : T.K.Gunguly

16 thoughts on “NRI Men , Beware of Marrying in India !!!

  1. Excellant info for future ABCD grooms. Our family (80% in North America)is in a similar predicament. Apparently we were demanding dowry from overseas? when we have proof we were sending tons of money to her. The case is very weak because we have all the documents to prove our point, but the law enforcement is taking their sweet time.

  2. Similar story, MS Trupti met me in USA when i was on contract posing as an MBA student. She had never attended MBA classes in the states. I fell into her trap. When my parents asked her horoscope she delayed and took mine, then conveniently gave matching details. There was no proof for any information she provided, she would mention things like she had gone to france – but no stamp in her passport. We both came to India and i got a temporary project. I also got her a job in my company. The girl asked me to help with applying for a student visa for Canada since im a Canadian resident. She did not get the visa as i eventually learnt her 10+2 marksheets are fake – which not surprisingly, is blacklisted. During this time she cleverly managed to get engaged in a hurry stating that all her relatives had been invited and my parents have to agree for the ceremony. We dutifully completed the function at our own expense and gave them gifts and sarees. She immediately stopped talking and said my parents were making unreasonable demands – which i was not aware of. I found it strange and when confronted she did not have any proof. She offered to leave her home and get married with me in the registrars office. I was taken back and my parents offered to take full responsibility of the wedding if that was a problem. After the date was fixed as per her convenience i returned to Canada. 3 weeks before wedding date my grandmother fell ill and left us. My family postponed the wedding for 3 months as we were in no mood for celebration. This is when the true colors came out. She used to ask many times for court marriage so that she can file for Canada immigration. After the news of my family postponing the marriage she started threatening to break off if we did not agree. After many threats and rude behavior, myself and my family stopped all contact with her. Again after 2 months she started messaging my contacts with my blackberry (that i had given her at one time) and defaming me. It took me a while to realize that i was the so called “bakra”. She had no education, no interest in my family or the wedding. She wanted to use me as a stepping stone for immigration. When i add up the events she conveniently delayed marriage talks till her student visa was rejected, then offered court marriage, then agreed for marriage, and again suggested court marriage..

    Please beware of such people, their tell tale signs are (1) Proposing immediate marriage in court or whichever fastest way (2) They will have very little interest in your family (3) most often these girls do not qualify for any kind of visa on their own

    Luckily i escaped, but there is no telling to what extent these girls can go once they land in the foreign country as immigrants. They can harass the NRI boys and abuse womens laws to any limits.

    // Name changed on reader request.

  3. Wow, this is the first time I am reading something like this, and it has indeed shocked me to the core! How could some women stoop down to such a level?!

    Guess you can never be too careful while choosing someone as your life partner especially in the circumstances Indian men/women have to face these days with balancing their own wishes and their parents’ and society’s demands. I sometimes really wanna blame it on the movies too that they produce in India, more than half of them are shot or said to be filmed in foreign locations, they show what good lives people of India have if they settle abroad, young kids do not realize the kind of effort one has to put in to make a decent life abroad, all they see is the glamour and gloss, and when this is not fulfilled, they resort to stuff like money extortion and shams.

  4. Vijay, I actually happened to go through your story. I need to relate to you some info on the same. How can i contact you for that? Can you pls mail me on kiran.77##@gmail.com. Hope we will be able to get in touch soon.

  5. Hi this is Adarsh. I just got shocked seeing this blog and just want to enlighten u guys (w.r.t vijay & Kiran gopal) Can u just both of u enlighten the issue with the lady as i may be of help

  6. True- This is my observation and past experience,Punjabi girls are seems to be more faulty in this case, I’ve seen many Punjabi girl from small town like Jalandhar or anywhere they don’t care about how British groom looks like or how old he is ….these Punjabi girls and their parents only want British passport and once they get British passport they dump brit groom or creates such a situations. i seen how Punjabi girls are continue to falling for brits groom.

    Knowingly they are ruining their own future in shine of pounds or dollar. they always see grass is more greener on other side.

  7. Hey listen guys

    I am from overseas and i married to an indian guy and i wen tot get married their and i am in such a bad trap. he and his family made a trap to merry with an overseas girl nothing else. but i sent him back to india, but their they are giving bribe to police no one is lodging the FIR against them. as i am having proofs of domestic violence from here. what the hell.. we cant expect justice in india. .. dont merry in india

  8. Hi Vijay,
    Is that Trupti that you are talking about ? I know her and her family very well. They are good at fooling people and doing frauds.

    Even I too was fooled by her once and then i enquired about her whole background.

    There was a son of some DSP who first fuc$$d her. I dont remember that guy’s name. Connect me at: rahul_birla5@yahoo.com so that we both might be able to share more about that lady.

  9. Is it the same one who worked in ivy as hr heard that us returned husband ran now shes living with some local reddy fellow. It happens when these girls work in call centers and getting more money they will sleep with anyone for promotion ,us visit,everthing shuld come eaily without any work.  they must be catching us boys for easy life ,  finally this one ended up in india with her own category she cheated some poor travel agent for india ticket now the man is crying and calling her friends in us. he is shocked that such thugs are being allowed in states

  10. @Satya,

    You sure she’s the same girl –> Trupti who married S.A.reddy… Her husband left her?

  11. how many ladies you know with same name trupti and same dealings? i honestly dont know her current spouse name, but definately she will be booked, what all she did? spoiled stevens henager students, telling people to take admissions in fake colleges, not at all studying, cheating peoples who given her job and asking more money, blackmailing employers who paid money 1500 dollars per month for what that they shouldnt give her a job since she doesnt have work authorisation. Anyhow this is what happens when worst students get visa for us, they come and spoil good ones who want to make a life here, all this type of applicants should be rejected at visa counter itself.

  12. A small suggestion to opulentus personell, you are doing some good service to students but beware of fake ones also, simply dont run for money, please check their backgrounds properly before sending abroad, it would be better than getting bad name for our country.

  13. Hey Guys,

    489(A) is started with men living in India also..
    I am ChellaMuthuRaja, one of the affected people by the false dowry complaint. I got married on 13/03/2009 by Hindu tradition. My parents are retried Government officials.
    At the time of marriage my wife was working as Senior Exec HR in an IT concern. I was working as Customer Support Exec in a Telecommunication industry.
    At the time of bridal night, she told, not to go for baby for 2 years. I agreed.
    My wife has taken a loan for 6 lakhs, which is not known to me. Within 2 months of marriage she received a lot collection calls from various banks to repay the money used by her with credit cards. On enquiry she lie that she have only 2 CC, but after checking I got to know that she have 12 credit cards ( using different Name format with different initials and with various address). I dint care about her money, but advised to repay bank.
    My wife’s family members started to quarrel with me, demanding me to pay money to bank for her credit cards, which I have not used. Then I came to know that, it’s their regular routine to take money from banks and at time of repayment they cheat the banks by getting waiver.
    I was very affectionate with my wife, but she didn’t show any kind of attention or love towards me or my family. My wife got bad breath, so I took her to dentist to clean her teeth. Dentist checked her and shocked that all her grinding tooth and gums are decayed producing a foul smell. Doctor asked 75000 rupees to get her cured.
    I behaved like a normal man, taking my wife to movies and buying gifts etc…
    She never talks to me and rather she was always rude to me.

    She always goes to her parent’s house without my consent and return as she wishes. My wife family member dint even has the humanity to talk to me or accept me as their family member.
    As day passed, I and my wife were living in my home in 3rd floor and my parents lived in 2nd floor. My parents were very affectionate to my wife. My parent’s brought her lots of dress and taken care of my wife like their daughter.

    Now, after 2 years of marriage, on 13/3/2011 we celebrated our wedding anniversary. On 15/03/2011 my wife suddenly went to women police station and complained about me. My wife’s brother took her away to their home without my consent.
    On 26/3/2011 I along with my senior family members convicted a panchayat with my wife, wife’s parents. My wife promised to return to matrimonial home. But she failed.
    Now exactly on 02/05/2011 my wife made false dowry harassment complaint on me and my family members in W3 women police. (My wife wants me to get harassed). She is so clever that she logged complaint on court vacation period (2may11 to 30may11), so I can’t take help judicially. Now I and my family are helpless…

    Please stop these kind of law misusers.

  14. paapam edo family problems unte ala ayipoindi daaniki thokkalo discussion avsaram aa

  15. Dowry law is not for personal vendetta: Court
    http://www.deccanherald.com/content/196458/dowry-law-not-personal-vendetta.html

    New Delhi, Oct 8, DHNS
    A Delhi court has expressed concern over the misuse of dowry laws as a tool to take revenge while refusing a plea of a woman who wanted action against her husband and in-laws for alleged harassment.

    The court also noted that women victims having matrimonial discord generally roped in the whole family as accused just to settle personal scores even though there is no evidence against them. Additional Sessions Judge Kamini Lau dismissed an appeal against an order acquitting Delhi resident Sanjay Kumar and three members of his family on a dowry harassment complaint filed by his wife in 1999 on the ground that her allegations did not find any independent corroboration.
    “I may further observe that Section 498A IPC (husband or relative subjecting a woman to cruelty) in the recent years has become consummate embodiment of gross human rights violation, extortion and corruption and even the apex court of our country had acknowledged this abuse and termed it legal terrorism. The provisions of Section 498 A IPC are not a law to take revenge, seek recovery of dowry or to force a divorce, but a penal provision to punish the wrong doers,” judge Lau said.
    He also said the courts should not be exploited to work for personal vendetta. “Courts cannot be a party to any kind of exploitative situation and it is necessary for every complainant to remember that it is only an honest complaint which succeeds in law where contents are supported by facts on the ground and persons, who are not connected with the harassment, should never be arrayed as accused. “The platform of the courts cannot be permitted to be used to wreak personal vendetta or unleash harassment and the tendency of the complainants to come out with inflated and exaggerated allegations by roping in each and every relation of the husband is required to be deprecated,” the court said.
    Refusing to interfere with an order acquitting Kumar’s family members, the court said even the father and brother of victim Veena did not support her allegations given in an FIR with Jehangirpuri police station in north Delhi.
       A metropolitan magistrate in April this year absolved all the accused in the case finding saying no substance in her charges.
    In the verdict, the court also gave a piece of advice to Veena, quoting poet Sahir Ludhiyanvi, that she should dissociate herself from sour relations rather than being revengeful. “Not all relationships are successful. In fact, most relationships which appear to succeed are only based upon compromises. 
    Let go the past which is painful since attaching yourself to it will only give pain and miseries and help none,” the court added.

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