Welcome › Forums › Advice › 498A › Ruthless Life, Received Threatening by an adulterer and her Family and Father › Reply To: Ruthless Life, Received Threatening by an adulterer and her Family and Father
One thing that strikes my mind after repeatedly going through what you narrated.
Its been almost three years of your marriage and one child out of this relation. You don’t deny that this child is yours. Do you? And all through three years, I believe you don’t have any hard evidence (what so ever) of her infidelity. Infidelity can never be hidden. For that matter, no truth can be hidden. Any one can hide for sometime but not get away with it for ever. Or is that the entire problem is based on the gravity of suspicion? Trust me, while suspicion can be very dangerous but you have every right to seek the truth.
Or did you ask yourself these questions?
1. Are all these issues due to the fact that you discovered her “pre-marital relations” on the 3rd days and it has permanently parked a space at the back of your mind?
2. Are all your arguments and counter arguments are based on “pre-marital relations”?
3. Are your parents influenced with what you see, here, analyze and believe?
4. Did you make efforts to talk to your wife when she has gone for delivery?
5. Is there any probable cause that your wife is not happy because there is a communication problem between you both? The reason for this point is that you might have stopped communicating when she was away. And every time you talk, probably you made her felt that you are doing a favor?
Do you complain too much that pisses off your in-laws and wife? You also got to think this. What was the reason for the change of attitude in your father-in-law and your wife?
See, I am not trying to find fault with you. Nor I am trying to judge you. You seem to be well organized man and knowledgably enough to understand human relations. All these questions might help you to think, analyze and connect the dots that can trace back to the root cause of the issue.
In analyzing this situation, I want you to think rationally and with your mind (not from your heart). Not only you, many of us become very emotional in understanding people close to us.
There is no doubt that it’s wrong to hide a pre-marital relation by your wife (she could have explained this to you before marriage). Once you have decided to forgive her, you got to forget it. But this seems to be coming up very often between you both. You got to have evidence to confront her or she has to show all her phone records to prove her innocence. Just waging a cold war, heated arguments and chasing a dead end issues are not going to get you anywhere. The most important factor is that your kid is a silent recipient of this domestic violence. Trust me; all this will have an impact on him.
But if its too hard to be in a relation, its always better to part away. But remember, anything that you claim in court you got to have evidence. You cannot stop your wife if she wants to file a 498a. Look around there are number of articles that describe on how you can protect yourself. If she is crazy to file a false 498a, she will not get away with it.
You don’t need to give her multiple chances. A crook is always a crook. And you will find number of evidences to save you if you are honest. You just have to look around.
My only aim is to fix a relation “if there is a possibility”. I don’t want you to feel bad five years from now for the decisions and choices that you made today. Hope you got me.