Advice please

Welcome Forums Advice 498A Advice please

Viewing 35 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #433
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Unable to bear my wife’s mental torture, like shouting, abusing me, abusing my parents (even though they live far away), prohibiting me from talking to my parents or brothers or sisters even over phone, not allowing me to take my only son aeven for a small outing like gong to shop or temple, etc., I (married 15 years back) want to live separately, at the same time, i want to take care of my wife’s monetary needs, honestly hoping that a short time separation will improve her behaviour. Will my act of living separately, amount to domestic violence under the Domestic Violence Act?

    • #2404
      Anonymous
      Guest

      before its too late try to record all her mental torture

      record all proofs of her harassmentl then file for legal seperation.

    • #2405
      Anonymous
      Guest

      you still are concerned about your wife. 15 year of togetherness is something you cannot forget. and you have a son too. take her and your son for vacation. talk to her. think about the good times together. find out the greviances and resolve it. you too make some adjustment… go for marriage councelling. then you take a final stand.

    • #2406
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Wah wah.

      what a advice.

      ‘ find out the greviances and resolve it’ and make adjustment even she is menatly toruring…

      man agreed to pay even she is harassing him. and ppl advice him still make adjustment.

      it means man has to bend till his back breaks. but women hair should not bend.

      thats todays world.

    • #2407
      Anonymous
      Guest

      life is miserable after the case are filed. defending yourself involves spending lots of money. it is mental torture for everyone. it is better to talk and go for separation and move on in life. do not waste your time. live and let others live.

    • #2408
      Anonymous
      Guest

      world will be wonderland and happy place if any women do as Rekha says.

      her advice only for men. it will not apply for women nor they are ready to listen.

    • #2409
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I have come across many such cases and from my own experience I am now fully confident that these all are psycho cases.

      My wife also used to do behave in this way and I tried out to counsel her, give her more time to understand whats wrong and she told me that when she was hardly 8 when her youngest sister was born and all the people around her started giving more attention to the new comer and she herself started feeling neglected and used to react, then her brother used to beat her, which caused so much of anger in her.

      I gave her love, respect. She had compartment in BCom when we got engaged and after marriage did NTT, BLib, MLib. Tried hands on MCom twice, which she could not clear.

      She filed CRPC 125 against me, brought her back with lots of persuasion as I love my family, my son and not to forget my parents too. Even staying apart from parents didn’t help. And now I’m a 498A accused. Spent 8 days behind bars and still cases are going on. Giving maintenance of 8k per month.

      Still I would say. God is great. I am doing my dharam for my kid and parents. This is best what I can do.

    • #2410
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I forgot to mention that i am facing this torture right from the beginning. I have been adjusting, and adjusting with a lot of patience. I have lost all self respect. After 15 years of married life, she now complains that i have not taken her on honeymoon to a place which she had in mind, even though i have taken her to a lot of tourist places, including a foreign country. For the past 15 months, her torture has gone beyond all limits. She threatens that she will commit suicide. After a lot of pursuation by her parents, i took her to a Psychiatrist, and the treatment she undergoes for more than 6 months, has not brought about any improvement. I secured a job for her to keep herself engaged when I go for work. she is perfectly alright in her work place, but once she is back home, she simply goes to bed neglecting even the minimum required of a housewife. I have engaged a maid servant and also a cook (for just 3 of us). She is still not happy. In fact, Doctors also say that a few months’ separation will be goof for both. That is why, i want to know whether this separation (not judicial separation) will amount to domestic violence. I do not know the trick of “acting”. whereas she is an expert in this. I seek advice on the provisions/application of the Domestic Violence Act.

    • #2411
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Women file DV for no reson, they do not want any reason. this your seperation attempt for sure land you in dva/498a/ipc 1 to 500 plus.

      find out why she is unhappy and what she wanted.

    • #2412
      Anonymous
      Guest

      I second Dr. Dsouza.

      Dear, your better half is in worse condition. Any negative act may bring in more negativity and you may land yourself in the category of we all.

      I had tried all things like allowing her to work, study and get the work down through maids. Gone to an extent to do all the household chores, as she didnot allow to keep a maid as she used to suspect me also to have affairs with other women, the list included her own elder sister and my close blood relatives and friends.

      Better get separated from your parents first and get a new Ration Card (Residential proof) for a new place. This will save your parents from the 498 A issue. Try some other psyciatrist. If you really want to live with her, the only remedy is to ‘obey her’. My two close uncles do have a wife like these and this is what they have done, all through their lives and saved their marriages.

      My advice is ‘Do your best to sustain, still keep your self prepared for the worst’.

    • #2413
      Anonymous
      Guest

      living ever happily is not possible.. it is only in fairy tales. you will definately land in problem as you now have grown up childrens. necessity of companion is felt only when you grow old when your childrens are settled. life is worse without a family. your parents or sibling will not be there always to support you. love can do miracles. understand why she is unhappy. do not bring the the situation from bad to worst….

    • #2414
      Anonymous
      Guest

      True, living ever happily is not possible. But the problem here is, the girl is not mentally fit. These type of girls are psychos, You love them, they will become possessive, won’t allow you to go in society, talk to any feminine, start suspecting/blaming you for having relations with other women.

      You ask why is she unhappy, you fulfill one demand in the morning to make her happy. She is unhappy again in the noon,now there is another demand, fulfill it one more round the corner in the evening. The list is endless.

      You will be run over with the Patience one day and with next day you have your 498 A.

      After formation of SIF, I guess lets try and build some Old age homes for the 498 A sufferers, because these ladies won’t will not allow you to resettle as their own chances of remarriage being 498 A are remote.

      Rekha ji, I loved my woman so much and tried to keep her happy. I moulded my self to think that I’m not having a single kid but two.

    • #2415
      Anonymous
      Guest

      do you think you will happy and peaceful after separation?? why don’t you go for judicial separation/Mutual consent separation if you nor your wife can amend themselves. talk to childrens also

    • #2416
      Anonymous
      Guest

      as per my experience, this type of behaviour(matched with grover & to some extent kondagi) donot change. This may be a mental problem called pschyzophrenia, check it. This may be controlled to some extent through proper medication from a psychiatrist. In my case, even after several years of medication, it was not under control. in my opinion, c needs some struggle in life, which may correct her to some extent. it’s very difficult to come out of a relationship. I don’t think u should even think of it unless unavoidable.

      But once decided, u should be proactive in ur actions.

    • #2417
      Anonymous
      Guest

      you said she perfectly ok at work means she is not ok with the situation in your house. she does not seem to have mental problem. you cannot change one’s behavioural pattern in a day.. sometimes parting for short duration helps to understand the depth of relation. may be it can bring two of you more closer than ever. clear communication will help to improve relation. you tell her about your desire to leave and reasons.? wait for her reactions? and decide. but if you desert your wife and childrens without communicating you will surely land up in problem.

    • #2418
      Anonymous
      Guest

      now the question arises why he should land up in problems. He’s not demanded dowary.

    • #2419
      Anonymous
      Guest

      in every way..emotional as well.. remember there are many legal provision to safeguards womens interest (wellbeing). dowry is one aspect.

    • #2420
      Anonymous
      Guest

      it means u accept that 498a may be misused.

    • #2421
      Anonymous
      Guest

      498A. is also for subjecting woman to cruelty by husband or relative of Husband. she will file only when it is possible to prove such cruelty in court.investigation and trial will be carried out. unless convicted why should anyone fear. guilty will be punished.

    • #2422
      Anonymous
      Guest

      “you said she perfectly ok at work means she is not ok with the situation in your house.”

      bulls eye sherlock holmes. this proves that the guy is an absolute devil of man. an evil fellow. a saddistic human being whose only motive of existence seems to be torturing his wife and making her his slave.

      gr8 u’ve cracked the case. well done rekha ji.

    • #2423
      Anonymous
      Guest

      this is your assumption and your personal thoughts.

    • #2424
      Anonymous
      Guest

      those r not my assumptions. instead of saying that these type of women are impossible to please u r saying that fault was with the situation in house (indirectly his fault)

      so by same logic if ur husband was ok with others and not ok with u, that means it was ur fault???

      i have seen many gullible men falling pray to ur (ill) advices here.

      “she will file only when it is possible to prove such cruelty in court.investigation and trial will be carried out.”

      what trial what investigation in 498A. which country r u living in? India?

      yes ultimately nobody gets convicted but have u faced initial few months. old women (our mothers) have to go in hiding, run from one place to another till AB is secured. for husband’s 7-10 days jails is sureshot. tihar jail is full of undertrial old women in such cases who do not have money to secure bail. have u seen condition in indian jails. leave alone 7 days, u’ll cry in 7 hrs. just pray no man in ur family, ur brother, son gets this piece of BS. saying is easy that u’ll get convicted only if guilty. first 3-4 months are hell while wife is busy fighting and getting maintenance.

      hopefully that day will come soon when false 498A will initiate trial on wife and that day is not far. as the old saying goes u can fool some people all the time, u can fool all people some of the time, but u cannot fool all people all the time.

    • #2425
      Anonymous
      Guest

      future women will be more alert and will keep collecting evidence and eyewitness to prove geniune 498a cases. injustice should not be done to any human being.

    • #2426
      Anonymous
      Guest

      genuine 498a cases will keep on suffering due to misdooings of false 498a. so so many false 498a whenever a genuine one reaches judge his first impression is that its a false one.

    • #2427
      Anonymous
      Guest

      “so so many false 498a whenever a genuine one reaches judge his first impression is that its a false one”

      if that is the case, what if the judge is a lady??

      Mr. dearverma but in reality it is just opposite. for you it may be false but for your estranged wife and relative it will be always true. everything will be decided on the arguements and evidences produced during the trial.

    • #2428
      Anonymous
      Guest

      so u think a male judge favours male and a female judge favours female. u r so so newbie in this field.

      yes for my wife it will be true as per her asking her to love and respect me is 498a, respect to my parents is 498a. My parents not keeping quite to their parents abuses is 498a, confronting her when came to know that she is badmouthing my mother in locality is 498a, not keeping quite and shouting back when linking me with my cousin sisters is 498a etc. i have no problems if she think that this is 498a because i know she is inherently an extremely self-centred selfish person but

      writing in fir that she was beaten day in and day out, not given food, not given any money, was tried to burn (at this one i still laugh) i hope this she and her relatives knows is false.

    • #2429
      Anonymous
      Guest

      Whatever indian men says, even its truth but in front of Indian judiciary its False and he has to prove it.

      but whatever women bark is Truth and Truth only, and words of geetha. and no need to prove or provide proofs.

    • #2430
      Anonymous
      Guest

      MY WIFE HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH HAVING PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIA & BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER BY THE H.O.D. OF D LARGEST GOVT.HOSP. IN MUMBAI. I TRIED STAYING SEPARATELY WITH HER AS SHE PROMISED THAT SHE WILL BECOME AN IDEAL WIFE IF I AGREED. A WEEK AGO I WAS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO OVERHEAR MY WIFE’S CONVERSATION WITH HER CRIMINAL MINDED MOTHER. IT WAS A CONSPIRACY TO USING PRO-WIFE-LAWS TO INTIMIDATE & ENSLAVE ME (& HENCE MY PARENTS). I TOOK HER SIM AWAY & FILED AN NC THAT EVENING ITSELF AGAINST MY MIL UNDER 506 WITHOUT MAKING HER AWARE.

      I HAVE VIDEO FOOTAGE OF MY WIFE PUTTING A BURNING MATCHSTICK ON ME, THREATNING TO BURN ME ALIVE, TRYING 2 STRANGULATE ME, PULLING MY HAIR TILL BLOOD DRIPPED, HITTING ME WITH HER SANDAL & WHATEVER CAME IN HER HAND,SHOWERING D FILTHIEST ABUSES KNOWN…. AFTER I RETURNED HOME (AT LEAST A SIMPLE 323-326 CASE).

      NEXT DAY, I SHOWED THE VIDEO TO D POLICE. AND GUESS WHAT THOSE SOB’s IN PS MUST HAVE SAID? ” WE CANNOT TAKE ANY ACTION ON THE BASIS OF D VIDEO…AS EVIDENCES HAVE TO BE SHOWN IN D COURT, NOT HERE. BUT, IF UR WIFE (WITH PROVEN MENTAL PROBS) COMES & EVEN COMPLAINTS (WITHOUT ANY EVIDENCE AGAINST U), WE HAVE BEEN ORDERED 2 ARREST EVERY1 WHOSE NAME APPEARS ON D FIR. IF IT WAS SHE WHO WOULD HAVE SHOWN US SUCH INCRIMINATING EVIDENCES, U WOULD HAVE BEEN INSIDE BY NOW FOR LONG..” HE ALSO CALLED MY WIFE TO THE PS WHEN (AS USUAL FOR WOMEN) SHE CRIED (WOLF) THAT I AM TORTURING HER, BLAH, BLAH,…

      I THEN SHOWED THEM ALL RELATED JUDGEMENTS & POLICE CIRCULARS WITH CRPC AMMENDMENTS & RTI COPY TO PROVE THAT D AMMENDMENTS HAVE BEEN IMPLEMENTED. I TOLD THEM THAT IF HE ARRESTS ANYBODY UNDER 498A WITHOUT INVESTIGATING, HE WILL BE RISKING CONTEMPT OF COURT.

      D INSPECTOR INQUIRED WITH ME ABOUT D AMMENDMENTS IN CRPC & THEN ASKED IF I AM AN ADVOCATE. WHEN I SAID NO, D BAS$#@% SAYS THAT THEORY & PRACTISE R 2 DIFFERENT THINGS. D DISCUSSION WAS MOSTLY CORDIAL. BUT FINALLY, AFTER I INSISTED, HE ACCEPTED MY APPLICATION & GAVE ME A STAMPED RECEIPT, WITHOUT REGISTERING AN NC. (MY PARENTS HAD ALREADY GOT D RECEIPT OF A SIMILAR APPLICATION 4M OUR DIFFERENT LOCAL PS). HE ASKED ME 2 LEAVE HER AT HER PARENT’S PLACE AT DEHRADUN, WHICH I DID.

      AFTER RETURNING, I AM GETTING THREATENING SMS’es WITH WILD ALLEGATIONS. I FILED A 2ND NC AGAINST HER MOM UNDER 506 IN MY LOCAL PS (OLD HOME). NOW, I AM 100% SURE I WANT 2 GO FOR A DIVORCE (UNDER CRUELTY & SCHIZOPHRENIA) OR ANNULMENT (IF I AM LUCKY) WITH HUGE AMOUNT OF EVIDENCES WHICH I COLLECTED OVER 10 MONTHS & EVEN B4 MARRIAGE. I PLAN 2 1ST FILE 4 AB & THEN 4 DIVORCE. 1CE THEY FILE A 498A (BY DEFAULT), I AM PLANNING 2 BOMBARD THOSE PARASITES WITH GENUINE COUNTER CASES WITH OVERWHELMING EVIDENCES.

      BUT I AM CONFUSED & AM SEEKING ADVICE ON D FOLL.-

      1). SHOULD I –

      A).1ST FILE 4 AB NOW & THEN 4 DIVORCE (B4 SHE RETURNS)? ……………[AS ADVISED BY MY LAWYER],

      . FILE 4 DIVORCE NOW (ANYWAYS), PREPARE & KEEP AB APPLICATION AT HAND, WAIT FOR FIR, &THEN IMMEDIATELY SUBMIT IT IN COURT AFTER KNOWING D SECTIONS AGAINST US?……………[AS ADVISED BY ANOTHER recommended LAWYER],

      C). 1ST FILE 4 AB NOW & THEN WAIT FOR HER TO FILE FOR DIVORCE (IF SHE RETURNS, I SHOULD RENT A SLUM HOUSE 2 STAY WITH HER)? ……………[AS ADVISED BY many incl. a SENIOR SIFF MEMBER], (I am against this idea of using a long rope, as I cannot tolerate her atrocities any longer – why should I punish myself by staying in a slum. Furthermore, d longer she stays with me, d stronger her 498a case will be against me. many say, “ never tell in court or in PS that u don’t want 2 stay with ur wife”. But, I have overwhelming proofs of her cruelty on me & my parents. I can prove that its impossible 2 stay with her. I also have a phone rec. now, in which she demands that I cut off all relations with my parents, will she return),

      D). 1ST FILE 4 AB NOW & THEN 4 DIVORCE ALONG WITH A PRE-EMPTIVE BLITZKRIEG OF GENUINE CASES WITH OVERWHELMING EVIDENCES. (B4 SHE RETURNS)?

      E). ESCAPE THE GUTTER (MORE COMMONLY KNOWN AS D ‘GREAT’ INDIAN JUSTICE SYSTEM), & PERSUE MY STUDIES ABROAD & SETTLE THERE ANYHOW. (I HAVE ALREADY GOT MY ADMISSION). IF I HAVE 2 VISIT INDIA, I WOULD VISIT VIA KATMANDU ROUTE.

      2). WHAT KIND OF EVIDENCES CAN BE SUBMITTED IN AB APPLICATION? eg- NC’s, RECEIPT OF APPLICATION 4M PS, MY WIFE’S ADMISSION OF OUR INNOCENCE (VIA – AUDIO, VIDEO, HER LETTERS 2 HER MOM, HER CALLS 2 HER FRIENDS & RELATIVES, WITNESSES – OUR NEIGHBORS, ETC.), EARLIER LETTER FROM POLICE 4 A FALSE COMPLAINT 4M HER MOM, REPORT 4M D WOMAN’S ORGNZN, ETC. I’VE READ EARLIER THAT A JUDGE REFUSED 2 LOOK AT AUDIO, VIDEO EVIDENCES AT AB STAGE SAYING THAT THEY R CONSIDERED ONLY DURING TRIAL.

      3). DOES D EVIDENCES SUBMITTED TO COURT DURING APPLICATION OF AB, SHARED WITH D OPPOSITE PARTY? (if yes, then I need 2 be careful about not revealing much initially).

      4). WHAT IF MY WIFE RETURNS 2 LIVE WITH ME AFTER I FILE 4 DIVORCE? DOES SHE STILL HAVE D RIGHT 2 STAY WITH ME & MY PARENTS ?

      5). I HAVE READ EARLIER THAT NO AB IS GRANTED 4 406. THEN 4 WHICH SECTIONS MUST I APPLY 4 AB IN ADDN 2 498A, 37 & 326?

      6). HOW MANY DAYS AFTER D FIR DOES COUNSELING STARTS AT CAW (I KNOW THAT ITS FOOLISH 2 ENTER IN CAW CELL WITHOUT AN AB OR NOTICE BAIL).

      7). IF I GET A CALL 4M D POLICE ABOUT MY WIFE’S FIR, SHOULD I –

      GO UNDERGROUND & SEND MY LAWYER 2 COLLECT INFO. OR

      PERSONALLY SHOW UP THERE (KEEPING IN MIND D CRPC AMMENDMENTS)? MY WIFE’S FAMILY IS POOR (THEY SHOULDN’T B ABLE 2 BRIBE D COPS)….BUT THEY R HUNGRY 4 EASY MONEY…

      . I’VE BEEN TOLD THAT AFTER I APPLY 4 AB, D POLICE CANNOT ARREST US TILL MY AB IS REJECTED. IS IT TRUE?

      9). WHAT IS D PROCEDURE 4 TRANSCRIPTION OF AUDIO, VIDEO EVIDENCE? I AM SPENDING MOST OF MY TIME NOW IN DOING IT..

      THANKING YOU IN ANTICIPATION OF A QUICK & DETAILED REPLY…!

    • #2431
      Anonymous
      Guest

      whatever you record should be in the device and media, must not be transferred from one medium to another, that is what i have been told. don’t apply for divorce. don’t loose heart. it is a fact that husbands are treated worse than terrorists like afzal and kasab. in the end you win. you have good proofs. remember that the indian judicial system works at less than a snail’s pace.

    • #2432
      Anonymous
      Guest

      A popular tapori song from the movie Adhikar (1971) sung by Rafi, 40 years ago!

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnSRyB8NEmY

      rekha o rekha jab se tumhen dekha

      khaanaa-peenaa-sona dushvaar ho gaya

      main aadami tha kaam ka bekaar ho gaya

      rekha o rekha …

      tumase dil kya lagaaya hai tumako qaabil banaaya hai

      din-raat jalaati ho deevaana banaati ho

      are mera bhi ek din zaroor aayega

      rekha o rekha …

      kaafi mahanga ye pyaar hai shaadi ka intazaar hai

      maalik pe bharosa hai maine to ye socha hai

      are mehanat jo ki hai to phal bhi milega

      rekha o rekha …

    • #2433
      Anonymous
      Guest

      “ESCAPE THE GUTTER (MORE COMMONLY KNOWN AS D ‘GREAT’ INDIAN JUSTICE SYSTEM), & PERSUE MY STUDIES ABROAD & SETTLE THERE ANYHOW. (I HAVE ALREADY GOT MY ADMISSION). IF I HAVE 2 VISIT INDIA, I WOULD VISIT VIA KATMANDU ROUTE”-

      will you able to carry on your studies peacefully leaving here your parent to fight ??

      “MY WIFE HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH HAVING PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIA & BORDERLINE”

      is she capable of maintaining herself? can she work with such dissorder?

      she is suffering and as a spouse you are also not supporting but want to detach from her as she is dangerous for you. is that her fault that she has this problem.

      Ok she is not a good human being and she is very cruel. you have all the evidences what is stopping you from filing counter cases?? are you waiting for her move?

      although you are ready with counter cases (if she files 498a) will that prevent her for filing 498a??

      quashing geniune 498a will also take time as said by sc432114 and it is only during trail that you can produce such evidence?

      instead of getting into mess. why not file for divorce instead.

    • #2434
      Anonymous
      Guest

      don’t listen to rekha.

    • #2435
      Anonymous
      Guest

      think what is best for you and your dear ones. take advice from different people but decision you have to make. don’t do anything for which you will repent later. remember we have one life to lead. time will not wait for anyone… you will not remain young forever…divorce is inevitable in your case and you have to maintain her for life(if she is not able to maintain) as per law. so take a final stand and move on in your life. no body is going to gain from this litigations.

    • #2436
      Anonymous
      Guest

      from litigation, law and judicial officers gain, how do you say dear rekha behanaji, no body gains

    • #2437
      Anonymous
      Guest

      its a fees for the services rendered.

      but what about time?(you will not remain young forever) what about money spent by you for litigations? would you like to lead your life with insecurity and fear. Where will this revenge attitude take you??

      Most of the cases end result is divorce and settlement .

      would you like to fight through out your life with such slow pace judiciary system.

      you would want to settle down marry again and move on.. you will difinately feel need of a companion and children at one point or other. We have one life to live.

    • #2438
      Anonymous
      Guest

      it is extortion attempt. service is different. also have not filed any cases. all cases have been filed by my lovely wife/in-laws. am only defending. so it’s not revenge. end of life is only death. only a coward would want to settle as this is the only life one has. i will fight on. thank you rekhaji. i don’t know your details. i know mine.

Viewing 35 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.