In the same situation again

Welcome Forums Advice 498A In the same situation again

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    • #187

      I am a troubled husband from Pune. I was first married in July 1993. I have a son from the marriage. I got divorced from her in June 2003. The application for divorce was filed by me in the family court after my ex-wife registered a false harassment case against me in the police station. She accepted the fact in front of the family counselor and the court in due course of proceedings. The matter was finally converted to divorce with mutual consent. The son is in my custody as per her will and court orders.

      I remarried again to a widow in November 2003. She had a daughter from her first husband who died due to lever sclerosis in March 2003. I adopted her daughter before marriage. Tough we had some difference of opinion regarding my son’s visit to my ex-wife as per court order, my paying alimony to my ex-wife, her constantly comparing me with her ex-husband and issued of my son not as disciplined as her daughter. Despite of all differences it seemed that she was completely satisfied with the marriage. She even boasted this relationship within her family.

      In July 2006 I got chance to shift to Dubai for Company Job. I took up the opportunity after consultation with family members. It was decided that I will go to Dubai alone first and my family will join me after completion of the ongoing educational term. Thus my family joined me in Dubai in May 2007. During this period I was suffering from spasticity in my walking and weakening and numbness in my legs. When I could not bear the problem I came to Pune for checkup and In September 2007 I was diagnosed of suffering from thoracic Spinal cord tumor. The Doctors suggested surgery and radiation treatment on priority. So after consultation with my wife, who was in Dubai we decided to go for the treatment immediately and I was operated on 7th September 2007. After surgery I rook radiation till 5th November 2007 and flew back to Dubai on 8th November 2007. Though I was partially and temporarily handicapped and had practically no sensations in my lower body, I started walking with the help of a stick and joined my duties in my Indian office from 1st October 2007 due to need of the hour. From the day I took the flight to Dubai we had constant difference of opinions. Due to my disability and due to financial crunches imposed by my company she was completely dissatisfied with me. I also had turned a little irritated due to my health and expected more care from her. At times I faced humiliation. She always said that she has faced health problems all her life and wanted me to accept all her tantrums and still express my love to her immediately after all the fights. I had difficulty in fulfilling this demand as I always took time to regain my composure after getting insulted. In the meanwhile I was sandwiched in a dilemma of being not completely in the best of my health, of being in a financial problem due to Company position and not wanting to repeatedly go through the pain of separation.

      My company gave me an offer to come back to Pune and I took it gladly with the only reason to be back in the country. I lost my job in January 2009 and I started my business of Engineering Consultancy immediately. This decision was taken after discussion with all family members. She and her father offered to help me in some finance building and I accepted in hope of better future. My business is steadily progressing and now is in a breakeven stage. I have to return the funds provided by her and her father. I and I hope to do that within next six months.

      We continued with our differences till today. And today after a routine bout of exchange of words, she has asked me to move out of the house we are staying as it belongs to her. She has also asked me to take my son with me. Her Daughter will obviously not leave her. She has called her parents and my parents and told about her decision. When her father asked my decision on telephone I requested him to calmly think before taking any decision and discuss about the matter in person on Saturday 26th December 2009. I had always suspected that she is suffering from PMT (Premenstrual Tension) and depression. She had never accepted to consult a Doctor or a Physicist in this concern. I also suspect that she has close relations with her ex husbands friends.

      I had continued with the relation because I loved her and I cared about the future of my children. I also don’t want to go through the same procedure and court wars again. But if she is adamant I will walk out and leave her and take my son with me as per her request. I will miss my daughter very much.

      The only fear is that I don’t want to have any false allegations against me and my family under IPC 498 A.

      I want to open out with somebody and want to share my fear. I found out your site and I liked it.

    • #1186

      Dear D,

      First of all, lets all calm down and not take such a despondent view of your marriage. All marriages go through ups and downs, especially around the time of major illness. Yours does not seem to be any different. So just take a deep breath and let it out with all the anger, disappointment and resentment. There is nothing in your wife’s attitude to show that she is considering Sec.498A case against you. A woman who wants to charge her husband with Sec.498A does not request him to leave her house. She calls the police and throws him out.

      You probably are right about her medical condition , which coupled with your medical state has aggravated and caused avoidable tension in your relationship.

      You are the adopted father of your daughter. I don’t know how old she is, but I presume from the years mentioned that both your children are around or older than 12 years of age. So no court is going to give your wife sole custody of your daughter without giving you visitations. Your position vis a vis your daughter is exactly the same as her father as you have legally adopted her. As her mother had consented to the adoption, please rest assured that you can not be legally locked out of her life. And kids of this age are smarter than we give them credit for. A daughter who has grown up with you is not going to give up the only dad she knows. So relax.

      Lets tackle your fears about Sec.498A for a bit. The procedure is this. Any woman who approaches a CAW cell (Crime against women cell) with a complaint of dowry harassment against her husband and her in-laws is directed to appear for reconciliation hearings with her husband. Her husband is issued summons for the same. If the reconciliation proceedings fail to sort out their differences ( minimum 3 hearings are a must ) only then is the complaint considered for registration of FIR.

      In your case, it would be most difficult for your wife to convince any policeman that the man who has adopted and bought up her fatherless daughter is harassing her for dowry. So please chill. Take another deep breath and let it out slowly. Stop looking for ghosts where none may exist.

      What you both desperately need is to visit a marriage counsellor. Differences over tough times are probably driving both of you apart. And sleeping in different rooms never saved any marriage either. Give it a another shot. Go to a marriage counsellor fast. The option for breaking and getting divorced will always be there. Sometimes going to a marriage counsellor helps to sort out differences and sometimes it helps to pave the way to a civilized divorce. In any case, it is a win-win situation.

      Sorry, if all I can offer is sensible homely advise and you were looking for charged up legal advise about how to beat a Sec.498A rap. I can give you that advise too, but my sincere opinion is that you don’t need and god willing, will never need such advise. But you can cross those bridges when you come to them. At this moment all you need is to talk dispassionately, clearly and most importantly lovingly ( something I suspect you both haven’t done for a long time ). In time, you both will cool down enough to figure out what is important to you both, the ghosts of your pasts ( your ex-wife and her ex-husband’s friends ) or the present that you both are throwing away in a pique of resentment.

      I hope I have been of a little help to you. Call me if you ever wish to talk and clear your mind.

      warm regards

      sanjay mehra


    • #1187

      Dear friend. You do not worry about the matter if it will occur in future.In our bad condition such problems creates in the life of major people. If she is willingly say for separation, try to live separate. I think she will know her mistake. You do not be suspicion against her without any evidence. Pray God , it will be better. In problem he is only our supporter. ,

    • #1188

      Dear friend. You do not worry about the matter if it will occur in future.In our bad condition such problems creates in the life of major people. If she is willingly say for separation, try to live separate. I think she will know her mistake. You do not be suspicion against her without any evidence. Pray God , it will be better. In problem he is only our supporter. ,

      9821387099, 9224799546.

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