Kindly suggest and help my Brother!

Welcome Forums Miscellaneous Marital Problems Kindly suggest and help my Brother!


Viewing 10 reply threads
  • Author
    • #113

      My brother got married in 2003 to a girl from financially not so well off family. Everything from our side was transparent and clear (like we live in a joint family etc) at the time of marriage. Her family came over and saw our house, met everyone and then the marriage happened.

      Things were okay till she got a cell phone which was given to her by her parents. Instead of calling from our landline she started calling her parents from her cell phone. She started discussing every minute details of our house with her mother. Things started becoming worst from here. Her mother started instigating her and she used to fight with everyone at home. Her mother knows what we cook, what she’s wearing, what we are doing etc. Whenever she wants to go to her mother, all she has to do is pick up any stupid reason and quarrel. She’s very aggressive and arrogant. In her rage she screams, bangs her head to the wall, hurts and scratches herself. She has anger problem, a fact well concealed from us at the time of marriage. Even her parents admit that she has anger problem which actually her mother is using very smartly for her own benefit. My bhabhi always portrays herself to be victim. She’s a drama queen. My brother did try to take her to the psychiatrist and also to a marriage counselor but for this too she made a big fuss about and accused us only. If we treat her nicely, she has a problem. If we don’t, she has a problem. She, in these six years alienated my brother from his friends and family.

      It had been almost 4 years of their marriage she wasn’t conceiving. For this too, she held my brother responsible. When the tests were conducted, it was shown that she’s having some problem which was duly correct through proper medical procedure. This too she said that it only because of her prayers she has conceived. It’s her habit to show our family down at social level. She lies about our family to others. She never accepts nor admits her mistakes even if it’s proved to her that she’s wrong.

      When she conceived, she purposely fought (very horrific way) and chose to go to her mother’s place in spite of the fact that the best medical care and treatments are available with us. This was meticulously done so that the child can be born on a particular day and time. The child was born cesarean. Though we don’t have proof but we believe that her mother has done this as per her astrologer’s instructions.

      When my brother went with my parents to see the baby, they were shocked to see his physical state. My father told my brother that show the baby to a doctor as the infant had become very very weak. When my brother and bhabhi went to the doctor, the doctor scolded my bhabhi for not feeding the baby properly. My bhabhi never breastfed the baby because she wanted to roam around with her mother to other relatives places.

      She stayed at her parents house for one year and two months and only after our initiations and relatives interference she came back to our house. Six months, my bhabi will create some scene and drama and will leave for her mother’s place. She beats her child to pressurize us. Till date she has not allowed us to do any rituals for the child. We live in constant fear when she’s there around fearing if she doesn’t like anything she may harm herself or the child.

      She’ll never say that she wants to go to her mother’s place because then she’ll have to confirm the return date but if she fights and goes there then she can live there as long as she wants. She’s destroying the life of my brother and his son and also her own because of her mother. My bhabhi’s father is a retired government officer who was also a union leader. He used to just sleep in AC office and take the salary home and follows blindly his wife. Her brother too is doing a government job. Her brother too is married but stays separately. Her mother knows very well that her daughter in law will not take any nonsense so she instigates my bhabhi. Her parents stay alone and have ample leisure time to do this. Their plan is that my bhabhi stays there with them to take care of them, their needs and their grandson will be their time pass. They have deprived my brother of his son for one year and two months and now again she’s gone back. Both mother (the control freak and sole reason) and daughter (too blinded to see her mother’s plan) get immense pleasure by destroying the happiness of my brother and our family.

      Our senior relatives too have told us that she’s a strange woman and her parents are insane. They are not heeding to any social pressure now. Instead of trying to save her matrimonial life her parents are instigating her to leave the house and stay with them. It has been almost 6 years and she’s not ready to mend her ways and the child is suffering in this mess.

      Please suggest constructive legal advice as she’s again gone to her parents with her son (she’d left our home with the child without informing anyone in the home and we got scared that she may do something stupid and we’ll be in trouble so we sent her back to her home). She has no sense of responsibility towards child’s mental, physical growth, his education etc. The child remains confused as to his mother’s true identity. Since the child was born at her mother’s place, they did not give us the Birth Certificate. When my brother told my bhabhi to put her in play school, she refused saying that he’s too small (she didn’t want to give the birth certificate.

    • #908

      > My bhabhi’s father is a retired government officer who was also a union leader. He used to just Sleep in AC office and take the salary home and follows blindly his wife

      Your bhabhi wants your brother to be exactly like her father where she can rule the marriage. This also means that she might want to live away from a joint family system. Given an opportunity and the Present legal system, she will not hesitate to go to any extent. There is one of the solutions possibility.

      1. Let your brother give her the way and be exactly like his father-in-law who does exactly what his wife says. If this also means to get away from your parents. this can mean lot of changes in the way he thinks and do.

      2. OR follow his mind and do what is good for himself and his family (that includes his wife and kid too). This can be a long battle. But at least if he is prepared, there can be a damage control.

      This is the classic case with high probability of a 498a and DV case. Trust me, if you don’t act now, you will definitely feel sorry on the long run. what I would suggest you is:

      1. Gather all evidence’s (even if this means recording her conversation and her mother’s too). also gather evidences related to her anger, child abuse (see if you can record), doctors analysis of why she was not able to conceive, picking up issues and frequently running away to her mom’s place (this is explained in detail). This is VERY IMPORTANT part. this helps to save your brother, parents and your self.

      2. Once you have gathered enough evidences, file a case (use a good lawyer) in your nearest police station with all details that you described here. once you have done this, just get anticipatory bail (AB) to all people living in your home (including the kids). Remember always that a lawyer will say AB is not required. but insist him in doing it. if he is not capable, then just change the lawyer. The AB will not cost you much but will give you lot of peace.

      3. Once you have AB, use Restitution of congeal rights (RCR) to get her back legally. Use RCR every time she decides to run away. Trust me, using this she will either come to your home with a fit of anger or file 498a with DV. What ever it is, you are not effected. If she comes, start recording all events (if you don’t have a recorder, go buy one. this will ensure your safety in long run).

      4. Ask your brother to empty his bank account and FD’s. Always remember, more assets means more trouble. Talk to a lawyer on the parameters governing spouse support.

      5. Prepare your brother for a long battle and this will not be easy for him without yours and your parents support. Please stick together in tough time and don’t let internal information to leak to your bhabhi. As the time goes by, you will get to see lot of dramas by her calling any of the family members for information.

      Do let us know where you live. Do join yahoo groups and Google around to educate yourself on 498a. Remember, Information is Power. Let us know if you have any questions and keep updating.


    • #909

      Thank you Mr. James and I appreciate your guiding mail. You are absolutely correct to say that she wants to live separately from our joint family (a fact very well known and acceptable to them at the time of marriage).

      We are from Mumbai and she’s from city famous for oranges.

      About the evidence part, when my bhabhi had come back with her son to our house, I had told my brother to record her conversation and also if possible put a cc camera in his room but he did not realize the seriousness of the matter, and we lost a very good chance to record her ill-doings.

      Though we are ready, my brother is very firm NOT TO bring her back at all and is ready to give up the child too. He’s saying she’s not worth leaving my family for and what guarantee is there that she will not be going to her parents anymore. When my brother was hospitalized, this female sitting at her mother’s place called up on his mobile in the hospital to know his well being…. she’s such an insensitive female. She’ll spoil the kid’s life as well. Atleast now she’s there only and can send her kid to school. Why make the child suffer in this. My brother is a dotting father. It’s that stupid female’s loss and she’s too ignorant to realize that. She and her family feeds and lives on jealousy, hatred and vengeance. Though if you can suggest, is there anyway we can get the child?

      Though I was of the opinion to bring her back and collect every possible evidence, my brother is totally against it. He fears for our aging parents.

      I wanted to know that is there any time limit to file 498a. coz it’s been almost a month since she’s gone to her parents and has not file any complaint as yet. We know that she wants to come back but her terms are not acceptable to my brother. He’s now trying to put social pressure to expose them and also take proper legal proceeding…………… if any possible social agreement fails.

      She and her parents are facing social wrath and ridicule as to why the are keeping their married daughter and her son at home. In fact, her father told one of the relatives that we’ll make her do some job and she’ll take care of her son. We are shocked and failed to understand that if you wanted to do this only……….then why did you marry her and spoiled my brother’s life?????? I guess Government Service peoples’ mentality works this way only…………..No offense meant!

      Any other way of putting pressure on them?

    • #910

      >a fact very well known and acceptable to them at the time of marriage

      – Trust me, these are the exact dramas women do. It’s very tough to understand drama queens. They think they can convince the husband once they are married. If the husband yields, she is successful. If not, she will use everything in her power to break the joint family or relation between son and parents. In the process she does not know what she is loosing. And by the time she realizes, it would be too late.

      >and we lost a very good chance to record her ill-doings

      – You cannot change the gene pool. Give her another opportunity and she will repeat it again as long as she is unaware that it’s recorded.

      >my brother is very firm NOT TO bring her back at all and is ready to give up the child too. He’s saying she’s not worth leaving my family for and what guarantee is there that she will not be going to her parents anymore

      – He is tribally disturbed. Please don’t leave him alone and give him lot of confidence and explain that you and your parents are with him. And please, stick together. Don’t let information leak.

      >Though if you can suggest, is there anyway we can get the child?

      – At this time, do not worry about the kid. It’s not tough to get a fair visitation and custody. But no court will grant sole physical and legal custody to dad when mom is not willing to give away the rights. If you can prove that mom is not capable of handling the kid (which is tough), there is likely chance that your brother might get custody. Emotionally and ethically you got to think that it’s not fair to separate a kid from mom. I also have a feeling that she is abusing the kid to get your brothers attention (which is wrong). But this is entirely a different case which I believe can be prioritize once you take care of other issues.

      >Though I was of the opinion to bring her back and collect every possible evidence, my brother is totally against it. He fears for our aging parents.

      – He has no confidence in her. This is what you got to worry about. Talk to a lawyer and see if you can get AB first. Once you get it, you can think of getting her and collecting evidence slowly. I some how feel that “evidence and AB” is a chicken and egg issue. You got to plan it properly to execute. There are cases that I have read where AB is granted when your neighbors vouch for your statements. The top priority for you is to make sure that you and your family don’t see being labeled as accused. Cops, jail and 498a is a biggest scandal in this country.

      >I wanted to know that is there any time limit to file 498a. coz it’s been almost a month since she’s gone to her parents and has not file any complaint as yet.

      – There is absolutely no time frame. This is directly proportional to the sadism of the women and the factors (her parents and those who coach her) governing her. Once she signs the document, the cop has to register it. He does it immediately without looking into details to save his ass. The cop too knows that most of the cases are false and will fail in court. But thanks to our law makers and feminists who wrote this law that can only break the family but not fix it. So you got to play by rules for your safety.

      >We know that she wants to come back but her terms are not acceptable to my brother.

      – This is a good opportunity to record all her conversation. Involve her parents and their elders too in the conversation. All of you got to make sure they show their true colors. Over a period of time during conversation someone or the other will start threaten with 498a and false allegations. Now, do you know what to do?

      >She and her parents are facing social wrath and ridicule as to why the are keeping their married daughter and her son at home.

      – See if you can get their statements. That will help you a lot in long run. All I say is you got to prepare your ground work.

      >In fact, her father told one of the relatives that we’ll make her do some job and she’ll take care of her son

      – Most of such useless talk is to make sure that these relatives carry that information to you. So that you become restless. So play cool and don’t let someone feel your pulse. Look around, most of the relatives act as free messengers. Be smart in using some free service. You know what I am saying?

      Also if she wants to be self sufficient to support herself and her son, then let her be and don’t stop her. There is a famous saying, “an empty mind is a devils workshop”. If she does not use her energy for productive purpose (like getting a job) she will do it for destructive purpose.

      >Any other way of putting pressure on them?

      – Collect evidence, get AB and use RCR. You got to be patient until you get AB. Once they know you have AB, they will stop threatening and automatically start thinking what is to be done in the best interest of their daughter.

      ~ James.

    • #911

      Thank you again for your reply.

      Well, we are making all efforts to comfort our brother and we have stood thick and thin as a family. It’s our fault that we brought a girl from a beggar’s family who’s eying only on money without even deserving a penny of it. I’m ashamed of myself for being a girl and looking at today’s scenario, I feel disgusted of my gender.

      Anyways, I had a discussion with my brother and came to know about a fact (I wasn’t aware of) that 3 years back when this female had fought and left for her parents home, her father had threatened on phone to my brother to send me and my parents to jail. At that time, my brother had filed an NC in the police station. In the said NC my brother has mentioned about the said threat and also that if anything happens to our family, this female and her family would be responsible for it.

      What I want to know is does this NC hold good against AB or should we still go for AB? We have no knowledge about the legal aspect. Few are saying that NC is as good as AB so don’t bother. We are confused. I’m trying to know more about 498a.

      If I may ask, where are you from?

    • #912

      My personal experience says that a right women in mans life will bring lot of success and happiness but a wrong one is like a virus that will not only destroy her life but will destroy four other families.

      I am not sure if NC is good for AB. Trust me, most of the lawyers dont know what they are doing. Talk to 4 lawyers and no two of them will talk same. You will be left with more questions than answers. So be focused to get AB. Use a lawyer to draft as much detail as possible to file in PS. Ask your brother to record all conversations. These days you get built in cell phone recorders on Nokia that records all incoming and outgoing automatically. We don’t know the importance of recording until we are in a situation like this.

      I am from Hyderabad. If you want to talk to me, email me your number at james.3iii at yahoo dot com. I will be more than happy to talk if I can help someone avoid seeing a jail.


    • #913

      Mr. James, thank you for giving your e mail ID. I’ve already given it to my brother and if necessary he will be in touch with you.

      He’s (me too as I don’t wanna leave him alone) planning to go to her city and mount further social pressure on them. We’ve our community meeting coming up there in next few days. I’ve suggested him to get AB which he is working on.

      What precautions we should take while we visit her city. Kindly suggest.

      We really appreciate your guidance, help and support.

      P.S. While browsing, I came across a forum blog under caption “UNPAID LOAN BY EX-DAUGHTER INLAW”. I was appalled to read one of the responses by Mr.Atit where he has mentioned the scenario of Indian Marriages. In one of his replies he has mentioned that ………….”Even judges are not spared here…. they says in open court room “do as your wife says, else you will be in troubled” .

      I remember few months back in TOI newspaper a new was reported on a divorce case where one husband was told by the judges (bench) that “Look Mister, if you’ve waited for 17 years for divorce, you can wait for few more days or month”. How irresponsible statement by the judges, And that too from the High Court Judges. What do they think of themselves? These judges have taken no time to give homosexuality a legal recognition but show their inability to save the institution of family and sanctity of marriage. Let me clear myself that I’ve got nothing against the homosexuals. To each his own.

      I don’t think the problem is with the law; the problem lies with the law enforcers. Don’t tell me the judges don’t know the matters. So what stops them to deliver unbiased judgements. Why they show themselves so helpless? If the law maker and enforcers are so helpless why are they needed at all? What left for them now is to say in open court that guys please don’t marry at all, so you won’t be troubled at all……get a surrogate mother pay her something and get your own kid rather than spending lakhs on alimony and maintenance on your wife and kid/s. HOPELESS!

      When even the Constitution speaks of equality, why women get favoured, why they want reservation? Why they expect chivalry as very important quality in men when all they are interested in is equality or may be more. I’M UPSET.

    • #914

      Before you go there, I would suggest you to find if she already filed a case. You can do this by sending some lawyer to the police station where she lives. Sometimes police takes time to respond. During that time if you step in that area, all it takes is one phone call from her side for cops to jump into action. And you will be left with no option except to walk to police station. If she did not file a complaint then you can go to her place and deal with them. Also when you are there, see if you can talk to the writer in PS and offer him something to keep you informed if your bhabi files a case. Trust me, the writers and information is for sale. If you cannot buy the writer, keep a local lawyer who can do this. The purpose of this is that if you don’t have AB, and she filed a case then you can abscond for sometime and work on your regular bail. Also when you talk with elders and her parents, see if you can record. I know its tough but not impossible.

      I know your frustration. Been there, seen it and felt it. But all we can do is raise the voice and fight it. I suggest you to join the yahoo groups (SIFF) and meet the people in the local chapter. you can network lot of wonderfull people who can help you and you can help them. its all a team efforts. Information and network is the power. We cannot run away from it. That’s the reason I say a wrong women in life only brings chaos and confusion.

    • #915

      If you are certain that you don’t want her back, then file a report in the police station as soon as possible that she has gone to her parents house and taken all her istri dhan with her. Get a stamped copy of the statement and keep it secure. Also file at ACP, DCP and commissioner of police offices and get stamped copies. Don’t take this lightly. If she does file any sort of complaint, this will be proof that she has gone on her own without being forced out.

      There is no time limit to filing of Sec498A cases. She can file it when she likes and most importantly where she likes. But divorce can only be filed in the place where both of them have last cohabited.

    • #916

      I think already i have replied you, even though I again say you that if your bhabhi is torturing continuously to your brother & no chances of settlement he may move before the court for divorce & also for any criminal offenses if any through your lawyer, all problems will be solved.

      9821387099, 9224799546

    • #917

      Thank you Mr. Sanjay Mehra and Mr. Advocate Kachave for you valuable suggestions.

Viewing 10 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.