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Managing Difficult Situations and people

In today’s modern India, people are going intolerant, dominant and more egoistic. Most of such people are of the opinion that towards any situation their way is only the right way and other people should follow them. Especially this is observed in case when new relationships are built up; marriages are performed and new relations between two families built up. In India the bride is to settle at groom’s house, accept their life style and take care of (share) the responsibilities in the matrimonial house along with other family members.

But now a day’s laws made by Indian government for the protection of women are grossly being misused by these wives and their relatives in order to harass the husband and their relatives in case the ego are not satisfied.

So it can be said that these wives and their maternal relatives and becoming more of difficult persons creating difficult situations for husbands and their families….. right?

Hence it becomes more of a necessity for these husbands’ to learn how to manage difficult situations and people.

 

So the questions arise,

  1. What is difficult(y)?
  2. What are the Signs of difficult person?
  3. How to deal with the difficult people?
  4. How to manage self and Situations?

 

  1. What is difficulty?
  • When talking about the situations, they are the situations that need much effort or skill to accomplish, deal with, or understand.
  • When talking about people, those are the person characterized by or causing hardships or problems / not easy to please or satisfy; awkward.

We all know people we would describe as ‘difficult’. Especially above stated wives and their relatives, system – police personnel, advocates, judges, etc.

So we can say that they are everywhere around us….. right?

These difficult people can range from mildly irritating to the totally impossible to deal with…… right?

What makes them difficult is their behavior?

Difficult people or situations have a way of bringing us down to get the results they want.

  • People are difficult, so it is helpful to be able to identify them and understand why they are difficult….. right?

 

  1. What are the Signs of difficult person? 
  • It’s all about them.

Difficult people are dramatic and they are fueled by reactions from others (Especially mothers/parents). They need to be the center of attention. They are egocentric, narcissistic, and full of opinions.

 

  • They don’t do a favor without collecting.

These types of people are always scheming how they can get something for nothing. If you ask them for a favor, realize it will be like selling your soul to the devil. That favor will not go unnoticed. Difficult people are not compassionate. These folks will remind you over and over what they did for you. Never mind what good you have done in the past. That’s not in their best interest. They will bully you to repay whatever support or assistance you got from them.

 

  • They are victims

The victim is the one who never gets over a trauma. They are stuck in the past. They utilize illnesses, family, and events to manipulate into getting what they want. They live in constant victimization mode. These people will reel you into their lives by making you feel sorry for them. They tell and re-tell stories of pain and failures. Negativity is their means of communication.

 

  • They can be oblivious

Believe it or not, these are people out there who don’t want to have idea of what’s going on in this reality. They live in their own world that only makes sense to them. These types of people are difficult because they are in constant denial of what’s going on. They are flaky. They can be intolerable and hard to handle. These are the ones who bring about drama by creating a world that is not understood. It’s actually hard to have a serious conversation with the oblivious person.

 

  • They whine, blame and gossip

The truth is that these person share gossip telling your business/false deeds to others. They blame you for their mishaps. They complain about everyone you know. They make up stories, embellishing details to make them seem more interesting. In order to stop the nonsense, you have to express your disgust about their behavior. (This attracts defamation)

 

Note: Difficult people don’t like when the tables turn and they are no longer in charge of stories. ”

 

The difficult people are a hub of mostly negative personality traits, most of which are listed below.

Positive Personality Traits:

  • Cultured
  • Fearless
  • Impartial
  • Independent
  • Optimistic
  • Intelligent
  • Confident
  • Encouraging
  • Helpful
  • Humble
  • Obedient

 

Negative Personality Traits: 

  • Laziness
  • Picky
  • Dishonesty
  • Arrogant
  • Cowardly
  • Rude
  • Self-centered
  • Unfriendly
  • Thoughtless
  • Bossy
  • Vulgar
  • Malicious
  • Pessimistic
  • Short-tempered

 

While we cannot avoid crossing paths with difficult people, we can learn how to cope with difficult people.

All you can do is stop the behavior with positive reinforcement, and let them know that you will not tolerate their attitude.

 

There are techniques that may be useful in dealing with the difficult people in your life; and practicing them will make your life and future much more pleasant and successful!”

Few case studies for understanding:

 

Case 1:

Wife vacates Refrigerator and other Utensils. Takes pictures and messages husband to provide something to eat, they are getting weak, etc.

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Husband simply replies to message that; ‘It seems that she had withdrew cases and came back to matrimonial house just for purpose of creating evidences to start further litigations, while not to lead a happy matrimonial life.’

She replied something to argue.

Here, husband simply remained calm and silent, though all the stuff were purchased and were present in the house. The argumentative messages were being made to complexify the situation and have further evidences to cook up a story.

Solution Husband used:

However, husband thought of the solution and started ordering the Grocery and other stuffs online Including vegetables and fruits.

Wife got Frustrated as her plans failed

 

Case 2:

Once after attending court date wife reached railway station in search of husband, guessing the train the husband will return back to his work city.

While along with other public husband was waiting of the train to halt at the platform with hands holding belts of bag on his shoulder. A lady came crying and running, and slept on the track to commit suicide. People signaled the train driver and the woman was saved.

Wife later started asking/blaming husband for pushing the lady in front of train.

Solution Husband used: The husband looked at the wife continuously in a normal look (without shaken by her words). The wife stopped uttering. Then the husband thought of what is important for him at the moment. He figured out that,

  1. Important was to catch train and attend his work the next day.
  2. Making a scene would complexify the situation.
  3. Even if he says that the with was uttering such, how many people would have believed considering she denies (as per her nature)? and in return will blame husband of making scene.

The Husband followed 1st option. Giving no room for complexity.

 

Case 3:

The husband has put an application for visitation of child in the Divorce case.

Wife denied and stated in her reply that husband has ignored them since child birth and failed to perform his duties towards child as well.

Solution Husband used: The husband produced a bunch of Amazon and other bills/receipts that served as prima facie proofs and husband earned visitation the same day.

 

Case 4:

Wife approached court asking for interim maintenance for her and child saying that he deserted them since child birth and she had so source of income. She is left on the mercy of god and her ailing parents.

Solution Husband used:

Judge asked husband of what is the matter and if he is ready to pay them?

Husband told judge that she is the one who has deserted him since child birth and deprived him of his matrimonial rights. He told Judge that he has even filed for divorce case (referred) on the basis of desertion, Harassment and Cruelty of wife.

Then also he is ready to help them with money but she approached here with fake allegations and false statements. He produced government approved document stating her working/ earning proof.

When judge asked wife about it, she tried to deny stating she had medical problems since child birth and she has been advised to rest and therefore she is unable to work.

Judge asked her for medical documents which she was unable to produce.

Later in the same case she produced a rent agreement, also demanding rent amount. Husband proved it to be fake.

Judge denied interim maintenance to the wife.

 

Case 5:

In divorce case, wife was seeking unnecessary/unexplained adjournments (in the wake of harassing the husband).

Husband kept patience and kept attending every date without frustrations even though he had to travel for hours for every date.

After a sufficient time, husband notified judge about same. Judge looked to his records and assigned a date four days later.

Wife tried to inform husband’s lawyer through her lawyer that on this date also she might not be proceeding. In a hope that his lawyer would inform him and she may take advantage of his absenteeism.

Now even after hours of travelling husband managed to attend the court on time (even after four days).

The wife was again asking for adjournment, but the judge scolded her and asked her to proceed with cross examination and stated that he has to proceed with closure of husband’s cross examination on the day itself.

She was given multiple pass overs on the pretext that the lawyer is on the way.

Finally, at last judge asked husband to take a seat on witness place and started cross examination himself.

Wife and her junior lawyer started panicking and requested judge to allow them to ask questions.

They then started asking questions (not even mentioned in husbands petition) about his financial status, etc.

After few questions, when one page was over noting down the husband’s statements, Judge asked to stop and forcefully closed the cross examination with signature of the husband.

Wife later Filed application for reopening the cross examination, etc.

Solution Husband used:

Husband had an opportunity to challenge the it, however instead of making things complex, husband chose to reappear for the cross examination.

As a result, most of the questions asked to him were objected by the judge itself.

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Case 6:

Husband met with a clavicle fracture. After 2 days wife forced to take out the supporting clavicle belt and have a bath convincing that she would assist.

She poured water on husband’s body, made him fully wet. And then went out with a reason to return in some time, keeping the doors and windows of bathroom open.

Wife did not return even after some time. The husband was shivering with cold have a tremendous pain in his fracture.

This used to happen a regular affair.

Solution Husband used:

Husband shut the door and window of the bathroom and managed to have shower on his own with a single hand; removing his dependency on wife.

Wife got Frustrated as her plans failed

 

Case 7:

Interim maintenance for wife was denied and only son was awarded with interim maintenance.

Till six month Husband kept asking his lawyer and wife for account details of his son so that he could transfer money. Lawyer used to misguide and wife used to keep silent. Husband then sent a mail to wife for the for account details for the same.

At the end of sixth month wife approached court with an execution petition, pleading that husband is not paying interim maintenance amount towards son.

Judge was looking annoyingly toward the husband.

Solution Husband used:

Husband remained calm and notified judge that from a long time he is asking for account details of his son so that he could transfer money, but wife is reluctant to share it. Also husband displayed the mail as to the judge.

Judge scolded the wife and asked her to share account details of son to husband on the immediate next date.

Wife got Frustrated as her plans failed

 

Case 8:

Matrimonial cases were running on husband. By observation of acts of his lawyer and discussion in MyNation, husband came to know that his lawyer is misguiding him.

Solution Husband used:

Husband acquired some legal and work flow related knowledge of his cases. And then evaluated the same with actions of his lawyer and came to a conclusion that he need to change the lawyer.

He did not argue with lawyer nor did he let him know about it.

Husband discussed with other people and worked hard to find another lawyer. Later he changed his lawyer few hours prior to his court date.

OPs reactions were notable.

 

 

So, the question is:

  1. Q) Can you see your reflection in boiling water?
  2. A) No, you can see your reflection only in calm water.

Similarly, is with mind. In difficult times Your mind goes through series of thoughts that makes you panic, frustrated, and you probably make a wrong decision and complexify the situation.

So, in difficult times you should maintain calm and focus on the solution of problem itself instead of focusing on problem.

 

  1. How to deal with the difficult people?
  • Listen. Listening is the number one step in dealing with “unreasonable” people. While you’re listening, really focus on what the other person is saying, not what you want to say next.

 

Why art of listening matters?

  • When you listen, you can know the exact reason for their disappointment that helps you act accordingly.

 

  • Stay calm. When a situation is emotionally charged, it’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. Monitor your breathing. Try to take some slow, deep breaths.
  • Reflect respect and dignity toward the other person. No matter how a person is treating you, showing contempt will not help productively resolve the situation. It as a result complexify it.
  • Look for the hidden need. What is this person really trying to gain? What is this person trying to avoid?
  • Look for others around you who might be able to help.
  • Don’t demand compliance. For example, telling someone who’s upset to be quiet and calm down will just make him or her irate.
  • Saying, “I understand,” usually makes things worse. Instead, say, “Tell me more so I can understand better.”
  • Avoid smiling, as this may look like you are mocking the person
  • Don’t act defensively. This is tough. You’re naturally not enjoying the other person saying nasty things or things that you know aren’t true. You’re going to want to defend yourself. But the other person is so emotionally revved up, it’s not going to help. Just try to get away if possible.
  • Don’t return anger with anger.Raising your voice, pointing your finger, or speaking disrespectfully to the other person will add fuel to an already heated situation. Use a low, calm, even monotone voice. Don’t try to talk over the person.

E.g., You have an argument with a feminist, she want’s it to happen and as a result she dials 100 and rest story cooks up.

  • Don’t argue or try to convince the other person of anything.
  • Keep extra space between you and the other person. Your instinct may be to try to calm the other person down by putting your arm on theirs, or some other similar gesture that may be appropriate in other contexts. But if someone is already upset, avoid touch, as it might be misinterpreted.
  • Set limits and boundaries. Decide on when Enough is enough and how to get away from person/situations.
  • Trust your instincts. If your gut is saying, this is going downhill fast, be ready to do what you need to do to remain safe. Look for an exit strategy. You know the nature/reaction of another person very well.
  • One response does not fit all. You have to remain flexible. Although these guidelines have proven effective in de-escalating tough situations, every person is unique and may respond differently.
  • Debrief. After the situation is over, talk to someone about what happened.
  • Discharge your own stress. You had to put your natural reactions on hold for a while. Now is the time to discharge some of that pent up adrenaline. Go for a run. Take your dog for a walk. Don’t let the emotions stay stuck in your body.
  • Give yourself credit for getting through an uncomfortable situation. It takes a lot of energy not to act like a jerk when someone else is behaving badly.DON’T SKIP THIS STEP! 
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Difficult persons ought to make situations difficult, It’s their nature. You ideally cannot control another person or situation.

They every time want that you do some mistake or act in such a way that are against the Indian gender biased law and they get a chance to overpower you.

However, they get frustrated when things don’t tend to work their way. In the frustrations, they do make mistakes in the wake of creating harassment to another person.

So, you have to look for and be ready to take advantages if required!

  • Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation are the key to deal with difficult people and situations.
  1. So How to manage self and Situations?
  • Tone, infliction and emphasis can have on perception others have of our message. How we emphasize words can change the intent of our message.

 

  • SWOT Analysis – an evaluation technique
  • SWOT analysis guides you to identify the positives and negatives
    • inside (S-W)
    • outside of it (O-T)
  • Developing a full awareness of your situation can help with both strategic planning and decision-making.
  • A SWOT analysis can offer helpful perspectives at any stage of an effort.
  • SWOT offers a simple way of communicating about your initiative or program and an excellent way to organize information you’ve gathered
    • Identify the issues or problems you intend to change
    • Set or reaffirm goals
    • Create an action plan
    • Build on your strengths
    • Minimize your weaknesses
    • Seize opportunities
    • Counteract threats

 

  • Six Thinking Hats

 

Often, the best decisions come from changing the way that you think about problems, and examining them from different viewpoints.

 

“Six Thinking Hats” can help you to look at problems from different perspectives, but one at a time, to avoid confusion from too many angles crowding your thinking.

 

It forces you to move outside your habitual thinking style, and to look at things from a number of different perspectives. This allows you to get a more rounded view of your situation.

 

Each “Thinking Hat” is a different style of thinking. You need to think about the situation as by wearing each of below colored hat.

These are explained below:

 

White Hat: With this thinking hat, you focus on the available data. Look at the information that you have, analyze past trends, and see what you can learn from it. Look for gaps in your knowledge, and try to either fill them or take account of them.

 

Red Hat: “Wearing” the Red Hat, you look at problems using your intuition, gut reaction, and emotion. Also, think how others could react emotionally. Try to understand the responses of people who do not fully know your reasoning.

 

Black Hat: Using Black Hat thinking, look at a decision’s potentially negative outcomes. Look at it cautiously and defensively. Try to see why it might not work. This is important because it highlights the weak points in a plan. It allows you to eliminate them, alter them, or prepare contingency plans to counter them.

Black Hat thinking helps to make your plans “tougher” and more resilient. It can also help you to spot fatal flaws and risks before you embark on a course of action. It’s one of the real benefits of this model, as many successful people get so used to thinking positively that they often cannot see problems in advance. This leaves them under-prepared for difficulties.

 

Yellow Hat: This hat helps you to think positively. It is the optimistic viewpoint that helps you to see all the benefits of the decision and the value in it. Yellow Hat thinking helps you to keep going when everything looks gloomy and difficult.

 

Green Hat: The Green Hat represents creativity. This is where you develop creative solutions to a problem. It is a freewheeling way of thinking, in which there is little criticism of ideas. (You can explore a range of creativity tools to help you.)

 

Blue Hat: This hat represents process control. When facing difficulties because ideas are running dry, they may direct activity into Green Hat thinking. When contingency plans are needed, they will ask for Black Hat thinking.

 

NOTE:
THIS INFORMATION IS SUBJECT TO DISCLAIMER, TERMS & CONDITIONS OF MYNATION.NET AND SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN AS A LEGAL OPTION OR ADVICE. ALWAYS PURSUE ADVICE OF LAWYER PERTAINING TO YOUR SPECIFIC CASE OR LEGAL ISSUES.

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