Dissimulation in women leads to dishonesty in men. Dishonesty in men leads to dissimulation in women. It is a chicken and egg argument to a “T.”
I think that we all know what the definition of dishonesty is, so I don’t feel the need to try and define it. Dissimulation in women, however, is not often defined so I wish to state exactly what I mean by this. What I mean by dissimulation in women is when they are behaving like pool hustlers. When they are “faking” their position while their intentions truly lie elsewhere. This typically starts when a man and a woman begin the “dance” of getting to know eachother. She tells him she is interested in a non-sexual relationship and only wants some companionship. This is dissimulation if what she is really interested in is establishing whether the man is worthy enough for her to be sexual with. She wants him to prove her worth to him with the hoops he will jump through to “win her.” This will establish her emotional and sexual superiority over him and weigh the balance of power in any possible future relationship decidedly in her favour. It is like Br’er Rabbit. “Please don’t throw me in the briar patch.” Dissimulation to a “T.”
It is the way almost every relationship starts off. She is attracted to the man, and dissimulates that she does not want him, that men who chase her sexually are not worthy of her. The only response a man can have, if he actually wants to get closer to what he (and she) wants is to be dishonest.
“I’m not like that,” he replies, “I like you for your mind. For your intelligence and wit. I want to get to know you because you are a strong woman.”
It is the only response that will keep the game going. Be honest with her here, and he will never get her. If he were completely open and honest and told her he was attracted to her sexually, the game would be over. The next pussy starved schlub she talks to will be dishonest with her and tell her it is only “her mind” that interests him, and he will be the one that gets to see her panties slide down her legs to the floor. Maybe not that very day, but probably in a few weeks, after she has satisfied that he is worthy because of “his efforts.” She didn’t really want someone who was interested in her mind. She was interested in the sexuality of a man being attracted to her and chasing her. She gets a “high” from it, from making him work as a result of her dissimulation. Her value goes up in this process, while his goes down.
And so, the only men that she ever gets involved with are men who are lying to her. They are the only ones who get over the first hurdles she puts up with dissimulation. Why does she feel it is so necessary to dissimulate? Because dissimulation is the only way she can counter the hoards of dishonest men she meets. All of the men she has ever been with have been forced to lie to her to actually “be with her.” The men who didn’t lie to her, and were honest, never made it past the time they spoke to her honestly – even though what they were after was virtually the same thing all along. Therefore, she believes that all men are lying pigs, only interested in her for what is between her legs. Dissimulation is her most effective weapon in countering male dishonesty in the mating dance.
But for the man, he knows soon enough that if he does not “play the game,” he will be the man who grows into a 40 year old virgin while the girls he dared to be honest with will be sleeping with the men who didn’t care at all that they were being dishonest to her. He realizes that women aren’t really saying what they mean, and the only way to counter that and actually get to what they both want, is to be dishonest about his intentions until he gets to the end of the initial dance and “gets her.” The only way to counter female dissimulation is by being dishonest.
And so it goes, with men and women starting their relationships this way, continuing like this while the relationship exists, and then ending the whole shebang in the same manner. How many marriages decline into celibacy with the husband believing she is not interested in sex, only for him to find out she was having an affair, or that “after the divorce” she turned into an oversexed nymphomaniac? Is there any other proper, effective way for the man to respond to this except to be dishonest about his emotions and act like she didn’t matter a hoot to him? That dishonesty about the pain will bother her because she needs to know that she hurt him with her actions… and if she doesn’t see that, she will start to dissimulate, often slyly trying to use her new lover to make her ex insane with jealousy. Once the ex blows up in anger, she knows that he did care that she hurt him and she can move on without him. But both sides will realize how much dissimulation or dishonesty they were exposed to in the relationship and be twice as “on guard” to protect themselves the next time around, and of course, that will only lead to more intense dissimulation and dishonesty with future partners.
I do, however, believe that some dissimulation and dishonesty is neccessary. This has been the way it has been since men and women have existed on earth, I believe. We would not try to change the mating habits of ducks, and neither should we with humans.
The problem lies, I believe, in that with the social system we currently live in, there becomes far to much dissimulation/dishonesty to bear in one lifetime.
When one looks at the high stress situations in the average person’s life, the top situation is the death of a spouse, the second is divorce/end of a relationship, and I believe that around number 3 is fearing the loss of respect and acceptance amongst one’s peers. (I remember health being up there too, but not sure where anymore). These things are directly about people’s personal relationships with others. To humans, their interactions with those around them are far more important than virtually anything else in their lives. Humans are social creatures.
I look at my own parents relationship, compared to the typical serial monogamy style of relationships today.
Now my parents did not have a perfect marriage. They argued and got angry about things just like everyone else. In their 48 years together, they had good years and they had bad years. But, what my parents had different in their lives was lowered amounts of dissimulation, dishonesty and the betrayals that such behaviours naturally cause.
They got married when my Dad was 20 and my Mom was 19. They had both dated other people before they met, but considering their ages, I don’t think it would have been more than one or two people at most. I don’t know if either was “in love” with someone previous to their meeting. Possibly, who knows.
Think of what they missed out on that people don’t escape today!
They don’t know what it is like to be lied to, betrayed by someone so close, to know the anguish of having their hearts ripped out. They have no idea what it is like to be hurt by someone so close and to lie awake at night in anguish, knowing that someone you know so intimately is most likely, at that very moment, lying naked in bed next to a person they betrayed you for. They don’t have any idea of the gut wrenching emotions involved with losing access to their children – not until the children were prepared to leave the nest at the proper time anyway.
Never experiencing extreme amounts of dishonesty or dissimulation from those who hold the key to their hearts allowed them to emotionally mature. They were able to grow to accept that men and women behave differently without it always leaving them in extreme emotional pain. They might have had some feelings that it was necessary to protect “their” position, but it would never rise to the extreme levels of dishonesty and dissimulation which men and women will naturally cling to if they experience the emotionally devastating levels of loss, betrayal and bitterness towards the opposite sex that the average modern 30 year old will already have experienced today, due to serial monogamy and the games that come with the mating dance.
I don’t think that humans are supposed to be subjected to so many emotional highs and lows throughout their lives. Certainly, a single/divorced 30-something in today’s world must be dealing with 4 or 5 times the emotional pain by that age, than the vast majority of people from previous generations ever would have experienced in their entire lifetimes. The lack of pain would lead to more trusting, less dishonesty and less dissimulation. Time obligates, of course, but also does drastically reducing the amount of times one’s fingers get burnt in the fire. With the amount of dishonesty and dissimulation necessary to be successful in a society that promotes serial monogamy, one must naturally become callous and uncaring to the opposite sex and such behaviour can only cause more of the same. It becomes a vicious circle in which no-one will ever utimately win.
Of course, it all makes sense why Cultural Marxists integrated so much Freud/sexology into their plans, of which one plan was to split apart the genders. People who have been burned several times already before they actually do “try” are far more likely to fail, because of a lack of complete trust, than those who are not so fearful of those kinds of bad memories.
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