Regarding Divorce for my Cousin.

Tanua;

Your 1st line shows hatred towards men and that man.

physical union is not BANNed in Marriage, and man has right to sleep with his wife, and no need to use protection as marriage also allow procreation and recreation. thats how Family grows.

Women is pregnent that not mean that her works burdon is shared by others. women has to bare labour and labour pain, if she is not ready then she should not get marry at all.

When her Father and Brothers themself upset with her that means somehting wrong with her, If husband is not coming then why she is not going to him…?

May be she filled ears of her Daughter so she started to hate Father and his family. when her own Father and Brothers do not like her.

She has equal rights in Fathers Property,she can move a petition in court to get equal share. she they harass her she can file Domestic violence on her Brothers too.

Try to findout why her husband is acting like that, if he want divorce go for mutual without fighting long legal battle.maintenance will be decided by court for her and child.

you can read more about divorce here http://mynation.net

Have you checked if your cousin is at fault because of which the husband avoids her ? According to you , a wife should know the monthly salary of the husband more than anything else and your cousin does not know that , is that her biggest concern ? How can a child start hating her father and grandparents unless someone poisons her mind against them ? This has been done by your cousin for sure . She is hated by her own family and now avoided by her husband since she has now become a legal burden on him ? Why is it that her own brother and father who are related to her by birth washing their hands off all responsibilities and property rights , why do they want her to be a burden on her husband who is only legally connected ?

The husband is earning money for them and doing all his duties , what else does she want him to do , he is dpoing this inspite of the fact she has poisoned the mind of the child against her paternal family and father.

If she is financially dependent then the father must be made to pay maintenance to the daughter because he messed up her daughter and brought up a burden . Husband is doing his job and he is not a fault here for not telling what his monthy salary is which seems to be the biggest bone of contention here .

Hi Admin,

You are misunderstanding every bit of word which I am saying.

I don’t hate any living creature in this world made by god.. & about physical involvement I wrote like that bcoz I thought that might be the rules of this forum may not permit the word Sex or Sexual relationship & people may not like the sentence.

Physical Union AKA Sexual relationship is a very integral part of a married life & so I think if someone hates it for any reason then He/she have some psychological problem related to it. I wanted to say that here the Guy is reluctant to it & does not want to have anything as he thinks that If he had sex with his wife he will hurt his Parents..

She was really hurt by the pregnancy as she never got any time to know her husband or in-laws b4 getting into this responsibility. She only had sex 1-2 times after marriage that too when she insisted for it & her husband told her that he does not know how to use any protection so she got pregnant so early. In the months of pregnancy her husband never asked her how she is getting thru it & even he started abusing her when she asked him to sometimes keep a hand on his forehead to show love towards her or her child which was about to be born..

By Helping during pregnancy I meant household works & tensions. She was never happy during the pregnancy as no one even asked her If she is fine or not.. The tensions & problems during that time directly affect the child’s mind in the tummy. I know clearly that the labor pains can’t be shared by anyone.. But just imagine the time when the girl was in labor pain & her MIL was scolding her that she shud keep quite so that the neighbors would not come to know that they are going to have a baby in thr home.

Just imagine the situations & think for urself what was her condition when she was in pain & no one was even touching her.. Her In-laws called her parents to come & take her to hospital as they did not want to waste the money in the hospital & nurses.

At that time her husband was just taking coaching for the students on the ground floor of the same building but he didn’t came out as his students were more important than his wife & to be born child.

After her daughter was born her husband just came to the hospital & talked to his parents as he only came to visit them not his wife or child. & he even didn’t saw the child’s face.

About her parents, They are scared that if she took a divorce then what the society will say. & then thr Son is married just a yr ago & they don’t want to hurt thr Son & Daughter-n-law otherwise who will keep them later.

Her parents say that she can take a panchayat Divorce if she wants but they won’t ask for any money for the child’s maintenance or hers. They say that If she want maintenance then either she must go back to her husband or she must give her daughter away.

They think that if the daughter is with her then they may have problem keeping her & thr Son’s married life will be disturbed.

Her brother wants the whole property of thr father & don’t want to share it with anyone. He says that right now he is having a wfe & later he will have kids & if the property or house is divided between two he will not be able to give his kids the whole enjoyments of life..

She said that she don’t want any money or property but just a support from them. But then her brother is not even ready to support mentally as he he and his wife thinks thr freedom will go away regarding the father’s property.

Parents don’t want to go out of thr Son’s wish as they think that the society will give them a bad name that bcoz of daughter’s happiness they hurt thr Son.

About her child, She never said a wrong word about anyone & this I am 10000% confident as I know her. Her daughter saw her friend’s parents & couples everywhr.

She is 7 yrs & her father never took her atleast to a zoo in the neighborhood. She everytime see her friends playing with thr father but her father don’t even talk to her 10 mins in a day or a week or a month.

That guy is ready to go for a panchayat divorce but for any court settlement even Mutual, he is not ready as everyone in her in-laws think that going to court will waste thr money & they have to give her & the child monthly maintenance too.. They want a separation in which they don’t have to give anything to her or the child. & her father thinks that asking for maintenance will lead to his bad reputation over the society so he also don’t want to mutually go for the divorce instead they also want that panchayat divorce.

It is a fact that after the panchayat settlement both of them cannot remarry until they have a court divorce & he would not give the monthly maintenance to her or her child so she is now worried that whr would she go if her Brother anytime in future asks her to leave the house.

Second thing is If the guy remarries then no one would do any case from her side but if she remarried then they would file a case against her at any cost & will take a profit from her family in that case too..

I think you might have understood what I wanted to say…

For any other info about the matter feel free to ask & I will tell you but plz don’t misunderstand anything & give wrong words for my Cousin who is innocent, as it hurts me that today having so much broad mentality in our Society & country a girl is suffering & then too people are thinking wrong about her…

Its not everytime true that if everyone is against you that means that you are the main culprit. Sometimes the culprit is the one whom no one can afford to upset & due to that the innocent has to bear the punishment…

Plz show me the way to help her..

Hi AG,

I think you are behaving here like having a male chauvinist mentality..

Do you think that having a good time with wife & being friendly to wife is wrong.

From which statement of mine did you think that the only concern is knowing the salary. I said it as an example to show how reluctant he is to his wife.

If the child is behaving like that this means that the lady is at fault, Can you explain me Why???

Is it not possible that she may see it by her own eyes what her Grand parents & his father behaving to her mother.

And why is that always becomes a burden to you guys when a girl ask for a little time to sit with her & talk to her.. Ask her whether she is happy or not.. To know what does she really wants…

Until now her father pays for her every expense except for the food & house… & even when she asks that I am now married then why my father have to pay for my any need, Her husband says that He is only paying for her daughter & If he has a problem then why do u want to use anything.

Tell me, is this right that She must go to her father for every need & her father is happy in those expenses but not ready to take her back for her happiness just bcoz of her Son & DIL.. Is this right…

Now she has a Father to do & if anything happened to her father whr would she go & what would she do…

She can bear with her old Salwaar kurtas by sewing them or saadi blouses but how much feasible is to ask her father, money for her monthly sanitary pads for her periods or her Undergarments when they are torn away…

Tell me what do you think about the husband’s responsibilities are only upto the time he is feeding & nothing else…

His parents & brother think that they have done thr part by getting her married but is that It in today’s society for a girl… She does not want any money but only a little love from her husband, In-laws & her parents & brother.. But if they are only thinking financially Is this her fault…

Literally you are really talking like a girl must not have any right to be free or to feel something or to expect anything from her husband….

Why everytime a girl asks anything regarding love or time she is at fault.. Why can’t you people think the other-way round…

I just came here as I thought this forum is something related to Govt & justice but seeing mentality of you people regarding freedom of wives I am very disappointed with you all.. I thought I would get a guidance from you people regarding legal matter but You started blaming my cousin without asking for any further info about why everything went like this…

Sorry guys to waste your time….. & mine too….

Dear Tauna,

I have gone through your matter, it is great that your cousin is tolerating since last more than 7 years. Ony end of relations i.e. divorce is not the solution of the problem, You try to get together both of relatives & your cousin will put her problem before them , there are chances of solution & settlement. So you firstly try the same then after if not any solution she may move before the court of law for maintenance & also for criminal prosecution against culprits for cruelty & other. This forum is against injustice & corruption, so we will co-operate , no neeed to worry.

9821387099, 9224799546.

Tanua;

I am sure its not about your cousin, its a Story of your own,right ?

No women will tell how many she had sex, as you told they had sex only 1-2 times, if he had more then you would have branded him as Rapists…Right ?

Todays women think, when she is married husband has to pay all her bills, and MIL has to cook and clean for her.and husband should use protection, such should not get marry.

Do not blame her husband family for every fault, she get what she gave.As per i know and as per Indian customs in most of the communities 1st pregnency will be at her Mothers house,so why she did not went to her mother place…?

If her Brother think if property is divided what he will feed to his family, is his problem, why she is not asking her share, she has right to claim it from Father

Read this http://mynation.net/docs/hindu-succession/

6. Devolution of interest in coparcenary property.-(1) On and from the commencement of the Hindu Succession (Amendment) Act, 2005, in a Joint Hindu family governed by the Mitakshara law, the daughter of a coparcener shall,-

(a) by birth become a coparcener in her own right in the same manner as the son;

(b) have the same rights in the coparcenary property as she would have had if she had been a son;

(c) be subject to the same liabilities in respect of the said coparcenary property as that of a son,

We are not biased, to any gender,but when you blame men for all faults people react accordingly.

What her husband want,and how they want their divorce and maintenance is secondary, if she is ready for Divorce, she can appeal in court siting cruelty on her, she will get Divorce and maintenance accordingly.

about husband responsibilities; if she cook and clean and maintain his house and meet his physical needs at least 2/3 times a week for 2/3 years of marriage, if she is not working women and support her husband financially.

then she should get good treatment from her husband. other than paying her bills / buying cloths / taking her out /spending some quality time with wife and kids / buy some gold on occassion or once a year(depends) and some money as pocket money

There should not be IFin marriage,

IFyou do this to me, i`ll do that…..bla bla

it should be mutual,without expecting anything in return but both spouses should know their responsibilities.

Thats my definition of both spouse responsibilities . others may vary.

Adv.Kachave,

Thxx for your advice & I will reciprocate the same to her but the problem is her Father & Brother are not helping her.

She is in Jaipur & I am in Bangalore. I told her so many times that You come to Bangalore & I will help you in getting Job & everything but then If she do this her Father will not permit her to even come to Bangalore with me…

About talking to her Husband they have done this numerous times & then they take her back & again the daily routine like that starts as it was from the past 8 yrs… Nothing changes anytime.

According to me thr may be 2 reasons for that.

1. He is having an Extra Marital affair

2. He is a Gay.

In 1st case We can’t find out & as her parents & bro is also not supportive we can’t go ahead in any matter…

In 2nd case He is not even ready to show to any Psychiatrist or a Sexologist to find out.

She is in Dilemma what to do & what not to.

Right now her daughter’s exams are going on till 13th March so I will ask her to talk to you..

Any further help would be highly appreciated.

Thxx a lot.

Hi Administrator,

I think you are not even reading what I am writing in the posts.

I am feeling very sorry to see ur thinking about women. Even if you have read & understood correctly first 2 paragraphs of my 2nd post you would not have said that rapist thing.

Second about My Cousin, She is in Jaipur, 31 yrs of age, A housewife with a child of 7 yrs.. & I am in Bangalore, 26 yrs unmarried & working in an MNC as a Software Engineer.. If you want my Contact details to verify I am OK with it too… & this I am saying bcoz I don’t want anyone to misunderstand anything like what you are thinking right now.

One more thing, If this would have been happened to me I would never have come to any forum like this coz My parents & uncles love me a lot and would never let me get into this trouble at all..

About Sex, Yes she told me everything about what she did to convince him.. She told me that she also did some seducing tricks on her husband as told by her friends so that He may take interest in her… & Me or her, We don’t think this to be a wrong thing to talk about. She is telling me & not going to have it with any other guy.. But if a guy would have been in this position right now He would have either took divorce by now or would have gone to any other women for Sex, for sure….

About her, She is not a girl who do shopping or lie on Bed the whole day & thinks that her husband should pay bills & MIL should cook food… In fact her MIL never even take her foot inside the kitchen. About her husband, Paying bills is a very far away Case, He even don’t Care about getting her a salwaar kurta when her clothes are torn away.. They are always taken care by her parents as Her Husband thinks that It is not at all his responsibility & her parents are responsible even If she is his Wife.

About not going to the Mother’s house.. If her MIL had allowed her she would have gone but Why would she allow her.. Otherwise she would have to cook food by herself or have to keep a maid & then who would pay for the maid.

About first child birth, I would say I have not seen it in my society or community.. It is depended upon the Girl’s In-laws what they want. I am the eldest child in my House & My mother or any aunt didn’t went to thr parent’s house during first or any pregnancy & same for our Paternal Aunts(Buajis) who didn’t came to our grandparents during thr pregnancy.. So ur point is invalid in this case.

About Responsibilities, You are right “it should be mutual, without expecting anything in return. but both should know their responsibilities.”

But first tell me what do you understand by responsibilities. Is it only that a girl shud do anything that her husband wants but the husband does not even take time for her or the child..

For him His wife does not exist.. He says by his own mouth that “If anyone is friendly to his Wife or keeping his wife happy He is just Hurting his Parents..”

Now can you related the words of this statement together.

What is the relation of Being happy with wife & hurting parents. If the guy is sensible he can keep track of his parents happiness as well as his wife & kids.. But His thinking is “If he does Sex with his wife His mother would be angry at him or get Hurt.”

You are saying about No IFs in a marriage, But what IF he does not even understand Ifs & Buts…

For him, Marriage was only done bcoz His Mother & father wanted a DIL or so called “Bahu” for them to take care of them, To wash thr clothes, Cook for them, keep thr house clean & all…

For him all his responsibilities towards his wife started the time they were getting married & stopped at the point of time the marriage ceremonies got over.

I am telling you everything so clearly but then too you are just not understanding anything & trying to prove me & my cousin Wrong.

She did everything for him since last 8 yrs & just asked for some love towards her, 5-10 mins in a day to talk to her.. Just a little time for the child… If this is wrong in your eyes then I think I am the fool who came to this forum for help.

I know You just are not going to listen to anything I say & will tell me several mistakes in my post. If you don’t want to help then I would request you to delete my post & thread from your Forum as I don’t want people to have a wrong idea about the situation & say dirty things about my Cousin as u are just manipulating & playing with words to prove me wrong.

Thxx anyways..

thats funny.

u said “He is having an Extra Marital affair“

and

“He is not even ready to show to any Psychiatrist or a Sexologist to find out.“

and in previous mails u said he done only 2/3 times

so u suspect he has sexual problem, so how come he is having extramarital Affair, if he is weak in sex or not interested…

and interesting thing is, u also told he dosnt know how to use Protection, if he has extra marital Affair he has to use it, so he should expert in that right.

i am not telling anything from my pockets these all words are from you.

i just try to link each other. to show how far women can go to defame a Innocent Man

She is not going out or coming with you to bangalore thats not her husband fault.

tell her, if she want to spend rest of her life misrable as you wrote let her be there.

OR;

ask her to report her Problem to women cell, hopefully they will solve her Problems, if any if they find, their service should be FREE.

and im telling again, before getting maintenance from husband she has rights in her Fathers Property, tell her to get that 1st

if Women cell find out she is really harassed then by default she will get alimony and Divorce.

You can file online complaint with NCW http://ncw.nic.in/ [ Do not give false complaints, it will bounce back and endup paying instead paid ]

PS:none of the posts deleted read – READ BEFORE YOU POST on main page.

She is not going out or coming with you to bangalore thats not her husband fault.

tell her, if she want to spend rest of her life misrable as you wrote let her be there.

OR;

ask her to report her Problem to women cell, hopefully they will solve her Problems, if any if they find, their service should be FREE.

and im telling again, before getting maintenance from husband she has rights in her Fathers Property, tell her to get that 1st

if Women cell find out she is really harassed then by default she will get alimony and Divorce.

You can file online complaint with NCW http://ncw.nic.in/ [ Do not give false complaints, it will bounce back and endup paying instead paid ]

PS:none of the posts deleted read – READ BEFORE YOU POST on main page.

Hi Administrator,

Thxx for your kind words in the last post… But I would say don’t try to link anything which is not even linkable.

Just read once again what I said & try to understand it in simple English.

Whatever my cousin told me about his behavior with her, from that I wrote:

“According to me(NOTE), thr may be 2 reasons for that.

1. He is having an Extra Marital affair

2. He is a G’ay.

In 1st case We can’t find out & as her parents & bro is also not supportive we can’t go ahead in any matter(Like hiring a detective or something)…

In 2nd case He is not even ready to show to any Psychiatrist or a Sexologist to find out(whether he is having a sexual problem or an orientation problem).”

Whatever I suspect is, If he is having an EMA then anyhow he is fulfilling his Sexual desires from that second lady & so not ready to give my cousin all the rights of a Wife as he does not feel anything for her.. And in that case a simple lie that ‘he does not know how to use a condom’ is a very small thing for him..

If this EMA case is true then anyhow he intentionally didn’t use any protection giving that absurd reply to make her pregnant in the first time so that everyone would not force him regarding child or wife… In that Case it is very much possible that He is pretending to be like that & telling all this crap that he thinks “If anyone is friendly to his Wife or keeping his wife happy He is just Hurting his Parents..” Or “If he does Sex with his wife His mother would be angry at him or get Hurt.”

Or Second case is If he is really a G’ay then he is simply not interested in a lady & so he does not show any interest in her..

The simple thing which I wanted to say is A guy who is living like that from past 8 yrs is not a simple guy at all to understand.. I just wanted to know some way to help her when she does not even have money to go to a Lawyer…

Whatever you said in last post is very much appreciable as it may help us to proceed further…

Thxx a lot…

Sweta;

No one is Againt you or against your cousin, we are just expressing our views as what we think right.

you should not brand anyone G`AY or having extra marital Affairs unless you have solid proofs.

Now tell me, your cousin want DIVORCE or her Problem solved and wanted to be with Husband happily.

Hi Administrator,

First of all plz tell me frm whr did you got to know my name…

Actually My Nickname is Tanuja & I was trying to keep the username Tanuja only but somehow it became Tanua..

Khair,

I just came home from office & was just trying to talk to my Cousin but she is not right now picking up the call so may be I’ll talk to her in the night if she is free(As her daughter’s exams are going on so she had to sit with her for studies.)

I will tell her all this talks & ask her what does she finally wants.

As far as she told me up-til now She wants a Divorce as it is mentally disturbing her a lot. & eventually she fears that She will go mad or commit suicide in the due course of time & then what will happen to her daughter after her.

About her Husband, I am not branding him something but I am just concerned about the suspicious activities which she told me he does everytime..

Sometimes when she wakes up in the morning at 4-5 she sees her husband not in the home & it is his habit that he is not at home without telling anyone 4 days a week…

He goes out of town frequently & whenever he goes he colors his hair & do things like that which makes her feel like he is hiding something.(This is also an example so don’t take it in a literal meaning)

Leave all these things, Even if anything is the case, then too she can live like that If He agrees to pay attention towards him & spends atleast half an hour a day quality time with her. She says If he really cares for her then at least he can talk to her while having food or tea or breakfast…

But He is just mentally harassing her day by day & She can’t live like that for ever…

Her father & bro are giving her wrong info about the Laws related to Divorce & child custody which are again acting as a depressing agent for her mind..

And now I am really very much concerned bcoz on Saturday she talked to me & cried a lot saying that she is feeling a lot like committing Suicide & If anything happened to her who will take responsibility of her child.

Plz don’t take any of my words wrong this time.. But I am just asking to help a Genuine innocent lady who is my Cousin.

I know today laws are made to harass men and are biased towards Women welfare even if the woman is wrong… But this has just made the situation more worse for those Women who are being harassed by thr In-laws & husband… Those who are innocent face the wrath of the society & people think that they are just trying to take the advantage of the Judicial system which is biased. In a case of an Innocent lady No one listens to what she wants to say but in a case of a dominating women she never allows anyone to go against her.

So the innocent is now also getting harassed & the women who are Culprits are leading the Cases as ever…

Thr are much more things which right now also are unsaid here.. I can tell you each and everything which I know.. But anywhr I couldn’t find her husband behaving Normal with her or her parents…

I request you to understand everything & then say anything.

There are no laws Biased towards women, all are in her favor. If some judgments go against women then because of that judge experience that he found many modern women misuses womencentric laws.

Eg: dowry Law (IPC 498A, Domectic Violence law etc ) so do not blame men for that, its your own kind use and misuse those laws.

If she made her mind to go for Divorce, then she has to ready to face the world alone.

Ask her to report her harassment to women cell, Rest assured.

My Nation,

I think you have some problem in understanding or spoken English…

Meaning of the word ‘Biased’ is “Favoring one person or side over another”

Here ‘Laws Biased towards Women’ means “Laws are favoring Women over Men”…

First of all clear your English Language meanings & then give any statement as I didn’t get the meaning of what you wanted to say in your post…

L & T infotech Bangalore

HKBK College

Hi Admin,

I had a talk with my cousin last night & She told me that her mother talked to her father regarding the issue..

Her Mother told her father that right now He is not counting the issue with its seriousness without seeing the pros & cons in the future. But this issue is very very big & if thr daughter did something wrong in the course of the time, then they would only regret thr negligence towards her..

Yesterday evening her father talked to her regarding every problem that she is facing with her In-laws & husband.. He said that He will once again talk to her husband regarding the issue to see whether he is interested in the married life or not interested at all… If he is ready to talk then he will ask him to mend his wrong doings towards her…

He said that He will have a pure unbiased talk with him & his Father that what is his real problem related to marital things.. If her Father gets a satisfied reply from thr side then he would ask them to help them solve the issue but If not he will ask them to give a divorce..

Regarding Money his father now understood that this matter is very serious so he is now ready to help her in any circumstance as she has already suffered 8 yrs without saying a word. About maintanence, Her father said a clear ‘NO’ bcoz he is self sufficient to take care of her daughter & her Grand-daughter without any one’s help.

I just thought to tell this info here so as all can get a idea what is going on right now.

NOTE: One more thing I wanted to say, If anyone has any problem in understanding any word in English then plz tell me, I will translate every post of mine in Hindi so that I may not get any absurd replies like the last one.

Hi Cook,

Will you plz tell me what do you want to say in your post… I didn’t get a word of that…

What is the meaning of your post.

“L & T infotech Bangalore

HKBK College “

Good Move;

both parties should sit together and discuss problem and sort it out. along with unbiased 3rd party who knows both families. do not include women cell or any women organisations, they will ruin all your efforts to sort out this problem.

and she is the one to decide Continue or Divorce.

Admin,

Yes you are right. She is the one to decide.. & I am happy that her father understood the seriousness of the issue…

Until now he was taking it as a simple domestic or couple fight… But when her mother told him the real scenario which is going on, he was convinced that without a sitting talk between both the Families they will not do any good to thr daughter… Earlier also they had talks 4-5 times but then the problem was not solved as no one ever thought of separation or Divorce..

One more thing, About an unbiased 3rd party, The in-laws including the husband don’t want any 3rd person to interfere or even sit with them in any talk as they don’t like talking in front of any other person…. So First her father wants to talk calmly with them. If they become unmanageable then they will surely ask someone who is unbiased to sit with them for the talk…

I just want to see her happy So I hope everything goes smooth…

I mean to say;

not ordinary person;

Someone who has head over his shoulder, Community or Religious entity whos word they will not ignore.

Who can judge who is right and who is wrong. else both party will fight saying they are right and this talk show go nowhere.

Admin,

I understood what you meant by 3rd party… & My cousin & her parents don’t have any problem in that…

But the guy & his parents don’t want any one to sit with them even if he is the Prime Minister/President of our country, As they think that my cousin & her parents are exaggerating the issue… That is why they have not think of anyone right now.

But If they are again misleading the issue & taking it somewhr else not intended to, they will definitely do the same…

Dear Tanua,

Please give us latest updates on the situation. after 11 months..