1. On the contrary, I used to sometimes ask money from my parents for occasional pampering…not too much-but sometimes. I cannot use my in laws money…and they happily keeping ALL my money without my permission is financial abuse. Sad if people cannot identify WHAT exactly is financial abuse!
2. They are NOT my real parents….yes, earlier I thought they were special….but reality sets in gradually. In laws do not treat daughters in law like their own daughter…and its really weird to ask one girl to come and let herself be abused, yet keep feeling happy about those relations?? Why?? Is it such a sweet feeling to let yourself be abused?? Please let in laws be in laws…they are not parents ..no point giving such illusions to young women.
3. Does the daughter in law forces in laws to change for her..?? NO!!..She is a grown up INDIVIDUAL just like them..their respect due to age is higher…doesn’t give them right to control or dictate…for any individual–giving respect and letting herself be controlled are two different things. Advices are welcome, dictations are not. For your record, I have never been rude to them…but have I obeyed them exactly-word by word …No. Have I been criticized harshly for it–yes. However, I prefer to face the music than give up my individuality. I am born as equal human, and don’t need to be led by the ear.
For record, I dont expect my sister in law to be my parents blind follower.I love freedom, and respect every human’s freedom…man or woman…young or old. My sister in law is an awesome lady with a mind of her own..and I duly respect that….if my mother has a disagreement with her, I politely explain to MY mother the generation gap, and how it is wise to change with time-and let people be the way they wish to be…..and my mother understands…..which smoothens their relationship.
4. I dont want a divided piece of land when I am old, and live uncomfortably now…..I am sorry but if its about our financial planning for future with our money…..we can do for ourselves is better.They should nt take my money to make me live miserably on the hopes of me getting a part of it when I am old. They have enough money to live comfortably…and even I deserve a chance to live my life comfortably today, NOT tomorrow. I dont live in joint family….and if our expenses are ours..so how come our income is theirs?? Joint family means one way traffic of money..I don’t think so?? Neither are we living with them…and we have enough expenses and responsibilities to take care of.
5. Is there anything else apart from parties??…..Having little decision making power on planning for your future / finances / children……or even desiring some financial security for rainy day…is allowed to women or not??…..Well to me ..it is not allowed.
6. I have had sufficient evidences and occasional confessions too. Dont want to say a lot on it as it has left deeper scars than anything else.
7.Free movement restrictions?? I dont understand why would any woman take it…she is not cattle that you can restrict from even moving around (My in laws have not put any movement restrictions on me…or tied me in chains……and if you think I should be thankful for it….would you also want me to be thankful that my in-laws havent burnt me alive …please…..just imagining even more atrocious conditions doesnt make me feel better )
For your last comments…..yes this society is male dominant……but why a slow or gradual movement??…..every freedom movement was successful because men were aggressive to push it further…if women too understand what is equality and freedom and value it enough to want it, change will happen….till then-we are happy with little biased laws…coz we face so much injustice that we do want something to make up for it at the peak of all the frustration.
I am not writing here to defend myself, but to start talking about equality…where I see bias…..my journey and my fight is mine alone..and nI will fight it out..and I believe I will emerge a winner in my journey, and I am not scared of being opposed. About my family and marital happiness…..if I find someone in my life’s journey who respects women….good for me….otherwise its better to die free than live like a slave. But somewhere I do believe that there are men out there better than this….and definitely there is someone who will be there for me, appreciating my values…I will join a bond in a family of fairness…or die trying ….but will not accet unjust things.
though I am defending my own story here,yet I am not writing here for my own benefit…but for women who have been weakened by the system, but still want to come out strong……..who are angry with this system and want to change it…and for men, who do not believe in convenient values that only suit them. If my ideas affect them…..I will be happy they were worth it….if not atleast I am trying.
I am not writing for people like Mr Dsouza…..but for those who understand my values, that they are based on equality and justice….and why maintenance is not unfair in today’s Indian set up, unless equality is given……I am arguing with men here,so that those women who have shied from arguing till now..come out and speak!!…..