To all the member

Hi smi…..thanks for posting your views….this forum is really biased against women. If a man posts a problem, no questions asked…..but if a woman even says she has been beaten-the men here pounce on her posts and saying inappropriate stuff. I was randomly going through when I noticed the fanaticism. Our society where women are treated in such a disgusting way, has people trying to propagate such stuff….is really sad.

These men when they find women victims of domestic abuse…justify such abuse. So many women dying are not mere kitchen accidents…..and not just burning women, any kind of abuse against women should be protested against

We dont need such men…When this is our country’s state…

http://business.rediff.com/report/2009/oct/27/wef-india-ranks-a-poor-114th-in-gender-equality.htm

Indian men have a reputation of not treating women equally and with respect…!! This is the time to change for better…..we really need something radical that brings equality and justice….while there are people like those in this forum…who have twisted ideas on equality.

And in-laws are NOT parents..parents dont burn their daughters….lets consider in-laws only as in-laws and keep in mind safety, justice and equality..

http://www.ndtv.com/article/cities/woman-burnt-by-husband-in-laws-allegedly-for-dowry-63915

http://flashnewsnepal.blogspot.com/2010/01/young-woman-burnt-alive-by-own-in-laws.html

These are just few incidents out of innumerable…guess the “MEN” here will shrug these off as careless, mad and stupid women who “accidentally” died coz of their own stupidities..????

I am here because I feel the need to change and I really urge women who feel that the way cast and skin color cannot be the basis of inequality and injustice…..same way carrying different reproductive organs cannot be the basis for unfairness and injustice. I hope lot of women, come out and talk in the open, because unless we come out and address such men, we can’t get a social change.

Smi and Humanbeing and others

What persons like you want in this forum is, people here listen to your complaints. Anyone who tries to make others listen to his/her stuff can be said only as childish. And the same could be said about a person who wants people to validate what he/she says. Adults can’t expect that. This forum is there for helping people who are all having a particular type of problems. You can’t expect people here to be like psychologists who listen and understand your problems and give you suggestions, even if you have genuine problems. The persons in this forum are suffering from false cases put up their wives and so for helping each other with their own experiences. They have old parents who have to suffer because of the greed of the wife and her family. Why can’t you let this forum serve this purpose? I know that there are other forums where the issues you have all sympathetically dealt with. Can’t you all address your issues there? In our society, there are mother-in-laws who are cruel to their DILs. But there are also DILs who drive away their MILs and at times husband supports the wife and not his mom. Thus there are all types of people in any society and everyone have to get justice one way or the other. Can you answer how are you all benefited by arguing in this forum? If we can do something to help you, we could willingly do that.

Cheers,

@ Maha….social complaints and issues are childish. Do you think ours in the first complaint here?? You mean everyone who has brought their issues, who is arguing is childish….? Are you not putting your points across?…so you are childish too?? We are putting points across by citing examples of our own life, whats the big deal??….when other cite examples of their own life…..theres is suffering…?? Our are childish arguments??

So men who blame women here….are sharing “their sufferings”…we are being immature…..!!

2. Internet forums ARE read NOT just by just members..but by many neutral/people who have different views too. Dont worry, we wont come to your homes and private spaces to put out points across…but wrong views viewable to public will meet resistance. If the purpose of this forum had been just to act agony aunt to few men…I would not have come here….but if the idea is to influence public opinion…then be ready to face the criticism!!

3. How are we benefiting by arguing here?? We don’t do everything for personal benefits.!!…if there are people who over and over again read about men and their injustice and one sided opinions….let them read something else too!!..How about we tell you that if you don’t like what we are writing you dont read it instead of asking us to stop posting! We are not arguing with you, coz biased opinions of few men, mean anything to us…….but for presenting the other side of the story on a forum read by general public…!!

4. If I had wanted sympathy, I would have gone to woman helpline or something….I want a social change in the attitude towards women

5. Havent heard of too many mothers in law, being burnt by their daughters in law…and this reason is enough to believe….that women who have suffered injustice over a long period of time, want to propagate this further. Its time to break this loop and cycle of injustice…and end women’s suffering while they are daughters in law and wives, so that they dont later “convert” into angry mothers in law who want to be “compensated” for their miseries by the next generation of women.

6. I didn’t go to threads where any male was abused…I went to threads where women were abused..and men like you all were suppressing their expression. You all came to the threads to suppress expression and not vice versa….equality kaa forum hai ye..??? Atleast few people will read and understand the mentality of people treating women here…and not get brainwashed by such idea!!

You have a reason for every bias?? Now you want to drive away women who talk about equality….sorry, we are here to stayin this world,we will survive and even talk and spread our ideas!!…..but definitely not stay quiet at unjust attitude anywhere…….if you dont like to read…good bye..find a “favorable” post to comment on and seek solace!!…

Why do we have this mindset. That the guilty must be punished and we have to prove fault in small matrimonial disputes in which both parties may be at fault.. There is not much of a difference between dowry and gift in most cases. Only in rare and extreme cases asking for gift/dowry leads to burning of their wives. Men and their families should not be taken to the police station and beaten up for ordinary dowry/gift complaints. It is better to have no fault system of divorce than having 498a and putting men and beating them up in jail.I I was shocked to see the cases of manoj and Kalaiselvan in the videos in Chennai when they are being beaten up by the police and they are not allowed to see their own biological children. People who ask dowry or gifts are not terrorists or murderers. The real problem is marriage takes place in most cases when people do not know each other or when they dont like each other. Then it is difficult to divorce unless extreme cruelty is proved. 498a and putting men and their family in jail is not the solution to the problem. Womens education and their getting jobs and good working environment may be the solution to this problem.

@crkannan…1. There are not rare cases…there are many cases of dowry deaths….and men here argue that verbal abuse an even beating are not dowry tortures…!!..Even psychologists believe the ill effects of domestic abuse..including verbal battering…how seriously it affects women….and believe me, battering women is very very prevalent.

2. No one is against talking about men who have been wrongly accused. But this forum seems to not be only about defending few men who have been wrongly accused under 498A….it seems to be putting many unjust points across….please read few problems women have put across and how vehemently men have accused them with such prejudiced mindsets.

3. Women are going for jobs now, and thats definitely a solution…..but people have not given up their traditional mindsets…now the expectations have increased to traditional bahu with additional income source. Thats not possible…..its like doubling the pressure on her……. Men and in-laws, need to part with their “age old demands”..only then it will be easy for women to grow and focus on their careers….and having a career is definitely a good solution, as you have said…..but now when she has started earning……its time to give her independence, justice and equality to help her grow. She is earning too….so give her everything that you expect for yourself.

One more question…..every law…including murder, robbery,rape, corruption is misused. should we make murder legal to avoid misuse of the law??….Or start getting mad at anyone who complains of getting murder threats and deny him justice??

This is NOT justice that you guys are spreading on this forum..but crazy fanaticism.

This forum is NOT about laws mis-use…its an anti women forum..and any normal person would understand by reading threads that were opened in past..and these men’s reactions to them.

Laws are being misused….does that grant men right to accuse, abuse women…deny them justice and equality??

I am not saying that women must be tortured. But why drag an issue for 10-20 years in the courts and police and try to prove fault. Is it worth the effort. I am a Canadian Citizen and overseas citizen of India.. I do not know how many women die of dowry deaths in India.In western countries 40-50% divorce. In India, the divorce rate is 1%. Are women and men who divorce criminals. Are women who divorce in Canada in a miserable situation compared to women in India who stay with each other in a bad marriage for 40 years..

@crkannan..I agree with you…divorce is better than bad marriage. And western countries have great divorce and domestic abuse laws and law implementing machinery too…I have nothing against the Canadian model…I think its great considering the present times.

I am of the view that 498a must be abolished altogether. Simple matrimonial disputes should not be taken to the police station. They are not the right persons to solve the problem. Counselling by psychatrists may be better idea. A nice good woman will not put her husband in jail for mild tortures. If there is a no fault system of divorce, she might divorce. I heard in 498a, the lawyers, the police and other organizations try to fleece money. They are there to make money and not to solve a woman`s problems.

Only after divorce, if a woman is tortured she should go to the police station. The divorce should be easy and 498a only increases the existing problems.

I think there has to be a law to address the criminal aspect of dowry, which we cannot deny. Criminal offenses have to be addressed in some way…abolishing laws is not the way to deal with crimes.

why should a woman take police protection only if after divorce? Lets assume….a woman is beaten by her husband and in-laws….like every citizen of a free country, who can launch a police complaint for assault and physical abuse, same way women should have police protection against assault. And women should be encouraged to complain in case they are facing violence…..so that they get protection against things like beating and torture. Torture cannot be legalized. And you cannot legalize a crime, on the pretext of the law being mis-used….should we legalize murder and rape too??…or you are saying all crimes of lesser order should be legalized or the fear of mis-use.

They are also men, whose sisters and daughters have suffered…..trust me, when you talk to them….you’ll know they are not bad people who have suffered on the other end too.

…you live in Canada…you know that domestic abuse is a crime there….in every free country it is a crime punishable by law. Also unlike Canada, USA …there are no good laws for alimony and maintenance in India…very low alimony is given in many cases–we should have really good laws on alimony too.

In such a system maybe 498A can be abolished, where domestic tortures are duly reported and action prompltly taken against them..and alimony system is good……but until then… legalization of dowry demands and domestic battering, abuse, dowry death threats in current scenario will make the situation grim.

And god forbid …..what if your sister / daughter was amongst those who were burnt or beaten (may God never let it happen to your family…)…but what if you were on the other side of the receiving end?? Would you all still feel the same…..?

God forbid, if some one beats you…abuses you…..will you decide to not meet that man again….without EVER launching a police complaint….without seeking any justice or punishment for the one who did it to you??..same with women…..if she has faced abuse, she should be allowed to complain….

You may be justified if the police station in India is a mild place which gives women protection and prevents or warns men from commiting domestic voilence. I do not write much in this forum. But I saw a video today where two men in Chennai were beaten by police, insulted and beaten by twenty lawyers or something. They have not recovered from the shock. The case has been going on for 10 years. They have lost all their money. Do you want to do this to your husband and do you expect to live with him afterwards! After divorce you can do all these things since he means nothing to you. But after divorce why should a husband torture or have anything to do with his wife.

Canada is not a land of roses for men or women. Everybody does not have millions of dollars. There is recession and both men and women lose jobs. A man cannot live with dowry alone unless the amount is very huge. I am sure not many father in laws are super rich in India to support a husband for life. A woman cannot live with alimony alone unless the man is super rich even in Canada. But women start working and alimony may help them to get on their feet.

smi.

you wrote ” If 498 A so serious why do ppl still demand dowry during the marriage? “

i have one question, can you show me one news report per day in bangalore,that women complained for demanding dowry during her marriage. may be there 100+ wedding take place in bangalore right ?

Please one such report.

matter of fact no women report such dowry demand, at the time of marriage that stridhan, only when marriage is on the brink of Divorce stridhan turn Dowry. truth is girl family want to despose thier daughter at any cost. thats not the fault of her husband.

smi;

You think all women die because of 498A ?

some women comitte suicide when husband caught her with her parmor too; do you count that also as 498A ?

i request you to read this http://mynation.net/study-report-498a.htm before posting next comment.

There is a great deal of hypocrisy. We are assuming that there can be a problem in marriage only because of dowry. In my opinion dowry is a gift in most cases. But a marriage can fail for a millions of reasons. We can`t have millions of acts for all these millions of reasons. That is why it is a wasteful exercise to prove fault in small matrimonial disputes. May be that is why western countries adopted a no fault system of divorce. Murder is a crime. But if everybody keeps murdering everybody every day, there cannot be enough jails to punish all the murderers. Bribery is punishable. But if everybody takes bribes frequently, the law cannot punish everyone. If there are millions of cases where dowry/gifts are exchanged,everyone cannot be put in jail. But in 498a a few innocent people are put in jail for dowry.

What prevents a woman from refusing to give dowry. Why should there be a law for this. So 498a must be abolished, in my opinion.

It is an assumption that people who dont divorce or people who dont file a complaint u/s 498a are happy couples.

I am not saying women must be tortured. I am saying a no fault system of divorce is better than 498a.

Dear Dr Dsouza and other members

Dowry is definitely gift. But it should not be demand. Now a day’s every parents love their children equally and try their level best to make them Independent and well settled. Parents don’t dispose their daughters, they get them married to see them happily married. They do every possible things to see them happy.

If anyone harasses wife or daughter -in -law for dowry they should be definitely punished. At the same time I strongly oppose misuse of 498a.

Dr Dsouza I have read your story. May be because of what you have gone thorough you must be hating all the women who files 498a. But at the same time think of every women who has been harassed, abused and tortured because of dowry. As one more member said what if your own sister or daughter is victim of dowry harassment.

I have met/ seen many women who have rejected proposals because the guys side demanded dowry. Check the below link of latest one.

http://www.unbconnect.com/component/news/task-show/id-39756

http://www.expressindia.com/news/fullstory.php?newsid=49590

One of my best friend was in relationship with a guy for 5 years. When they wanted to get married guys parents demanded the 20 lac and guy too supported it. Finally after lot of discussion they broke the marriage. I see every day lot of my collogues get married without dowry and they are very happy in their marriage. Now a day’s even girls prefer to work, and they financially support their husbands.

Dr Dsouza you uses very abusive words. Pls don’t jump in to the conclusion. Think before you write. Every 498a is not false.

Because of Feminists Indian Law makers making gender biased laws, and Women organsations and commissions encourgae women to file false case, so they can show more satistics to get funds from Government and international bodies. such laws are bread n butter for these women organisations. but when women is divorced no organisations are coming forward to help her. sooner or later wise women will understand this and revolt(hopefully) as of now judiciary already realised there is misuse of such laws and even police started to suspect even real victims of dowry demand.

it is said “Women dig their own grave” let them misuse, and real victim will pay the price.

MyNation Foundation suggested many amendments in 2005 [ Ref : http://mynation.net/proposal.htm ] They asked only one point to add thats punishment for misuser of 498a. but NCW/WCD opposed it coz they want to scot free even after misusing and robing husband.

India never make gender equal laws like this [ http://mynation.net/mhact.htm ] LAWS OF THE UNITED KINGDOM

MATRIMONIAL HOMES ACT 1967 , other countries says spouse instead wife/women as in India.

still my question unanswered why no girl file case when dowry is demanded at marriage time.

for some people, asking to punish dowry law misuser is abusive word. i or on this site, no where asked to scrap 498A, we all asked to amend it, and punish the misuser. if anyone says against it then they support misuse.

I write or on this forum, not because what i have gone through or hate all 498A women, but because i get calls everyday about this misuse for last 12 years,asking help and how women harass them in 498a/child custody/ divorce/DV/maintenance. etc.

Indian Law and public think only women can be victim of marriage and all men are villains and make laws accordingly there are more men committe suicide than women india because of marital/family problems and not a single law to hear their cry.

smi, you only said ” I strongly oppose misuse of 498a.” oppose will not work, whY dont you have guts to say PUNISH MISUSER.

smi; we are talking about India, not Bangladesh;

your story link from Bangla [ http://www.unbconnect.com/component/news/task-show/id-39756 ]

are you citizen of India or …..!

Assume a man earns Rs. 20000 per month and his wife also earns Rs. 20000 per month. Does a gift/dowry of Rs. 2 lakhs, is it significant. Will a man marry a woman just to get this Rs. 2 lakhs. I WONT.

Will a man harass his wife for Rs. 2 lakhs or go to the extent of buring her.

I do not know. My marriage is 20 years old. i have been seperated from my wife and son for 6 years. But I did sponsor my wife and son to canada and my wife let the visa expire. The emotional damage was there because of seperation. I did not take any dowry. But how to prove it. We have not divorced. I do not know if my wife will file 498a if I go for a divorce and fight for my son. My son told me not to go for a divorce and I will be affected. I have not paid monthly maintenance. But I paid Rs. 8 lakhs for sons education and other expenses.

Is there a time limit for dowry complaint u/s 498a. My wife wants more money. They say that they could go to the police. I do not have a good income at the moment. The lawyer who mediated is suggesting a mutual consent divorce and pay Rs. 40 lakhs to my wife taking money from my brother in U.S. Sorry to write like this.

crkannan;

Please post it in seperate thread; so you can followup with same details as this thread is started by smi on different topic.

or you can join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MyNationFoundation/info and post it there.

write on what basis you want divorce, has she filled any other case on you. where and when.

Humanbeing and smi:

1. When you say verbal abuse, women are very smart at that, who is accountable for their verbal abuse. Ifr husband says “NO” to their inexplicable demands, he is considered abusive when the wives are nagging their husbands, day and night, what will you call IT? I think this should be called as mild disputes. These can be resolved very easily if the couple is mature.

2. Girls are so selfish these days, they do not want to live with boy’s family, if boys insist they file the case……….. HELLO, it is not a DOWRY, it is DIS-AGREEMENT. Then the girls knows , “Oh! my father is wealthy and he will take care of me” OK! your father will take care of you…. But father is with political contacts fiel 498a case… wow! what a drama!!!!! is it not mis-use of law…. Hello! wake up India!!! If we want to make women strong that does not mean we have to make our men terrorrists and criminal.

I am running late…… WIll post rest of my comments later

Dr Dsouza,

I’m from your Neighboring district. That is Mangalore. A true and 100% Mangalorean, but settled in Bangalore due to work and family. Just some time back read this on internet –

Dear Lawvictim,

I agree with you. most of the girls do not wish to stay with in- laws because of fear or insecurity. In India each family is different. I might not have grown up in the same way you have grown up. When marriage takes place ( especially in arranged marriage) for initial few months everyone will slog to get a costumed and adjust to new family. It takes some time for them to adjust to the new family.

In simple way I can say that In- laws will have their own way of living and newly married girl may not like to follow what they do. This may lead to misunderstanding and loss of peace of mind. Instead of living in tension every day don’t you think it is better to live separately and stay connected?

I’m just saying my opinion. You are free to express yours!

so in your district how many women burnt to death because of Dowry demand. ?

I have`t heard single such report in last 30 years or so.

but i seen women run away next day of marriage with her lovers.

Women who killed her husband with the help of her Lover. ; these are everyday stories burnt to death may one in million, for whatever reason she may be died but her family relate it to Dowry demand.

as you wrote “most of the girls do not wish to stay with in- laws because of fear or insecurity” but as per me they dont want to stay coz she cannt control and manipute her husband, and when husband goes to work she do not want someone to watch over her what she do, whom she meet.

for ages all women used to saty with in laws and in laws did`t butcherd them for meat. and there was hardly any divorce, this only started after all these women centric laws came.

its nothing about peace of mind, or you mean to say so far indian women had no peace of mind ?

if women is family oriented and want her marriage to be successful she can stay anywhere. todays most of the women marry for part time, as they know husband is just a ATM machine

and because of gender biased laws,

Indian Women can reap where they dont saw.

You are very much biased doctor,

abusing/ torturing/ harassing women for dowry is there all over India. In fact Mangalore also was in news for dowry harassment couple of weeks back. Unfortunately I’m not able to trace that news. I will get back to you with more information soon.

I have seen lot of Men, not being loyal to their wife. Men too desert their wives because they found someone else. In olden day in India men used ( our Kings too) to have more than one wife. I bet if survey is conducted on this, Indian women will definitely win in loyalty. There are more Men deserting their wives than women deserting or running away from their husbands.

I can give you the example of my maid servant her husband deserted her after she had two kids because he found one more women and he does not support her in any ways. She works in 6 housed from morning 6am to 2 pm and earns Rs 5000. She takes care of her children who are studding in English medium school.

I got it finally.

read this please.

A man cannot live with dowry alone except in very very rare cases in India. A woman cannot live with alimony alone except in very very rare caes even in Canada.I am not saying that a woman must be tortured. But I would like 498a to be abolished. A woman can divorce her husband if she does not like her husband for whatever reason. But she must think several times before putting her husband and his family in jail u/s 498a. The whole society can be blamed for a woman`s problem like the police, politicians, lawyers, working environment, lack of equality, people who arrange marriages, and so on. It is incorrect just to punish a husband alone and frighten him. Women will realize once they learn to be independent that alimony and dowry and even divorce are minor issues for their happiness. 498a will only increase the existing problems. If women demand more and more equality, divorces will increase. Sooner or later India will have to adopt no fault divorce system and a mechanism to make divorce easier.

If all/many men are arrested u/s 498a, there will be a revolution in India.

crkannan,

Dont you think people who are torturing the women for dowry should be punished? why should women let go her husband/ family if they have tortured her.

If your sisters is victim of dowry harassment and if her husband and family brutally torture her, will you leave them just like that?

I never had a sister or a daughter. But I had a mother who was tortured by my grand mother for a diamond necklace and because she did not bring enough money. My mother had lost both her parents at a young age.My mother never got along with her mother in law. My mother died 22 years back. My grand mother died 1 year back. My grand mother used to write letters to every body that my mother will leave my father after my father became blind. But after my mother died my grand mother never came to meet my father. my grand mother said that my mother split father and mother. But still the diamond necklace dowry was a minor issue compared to my fathers blindness and the general wickedness of my grand mother. But towards the end things were not so bad.

What sort of punishment do you want to give to your husband. Do you want your husband to be beaten by 20 women and men police. Do you want to destroy his career. Do you want to him to lose all his property and become a beggar. Police station in india is a very scary place.

Why do you want to give dowry in the first place. Why do you put up with torture for a long time. do women like being tortured. Is divorce not better than 498a. After all he has been your husband. He deserves a special traetment compared to other men. so why not forget and let live.

CrKannan, Sorry to learn about your mother. Point here it is not that one full gender is evil. Some Men torture wife and vice versa. Your mother (a lady) was tortured by your Grand Mother (another Lady). So it is also not pt. that only male torture females.

In many a case 498A is filed only to harass husbands. Everyone (males & females) wants a good family life and decent, understanding partners. Most of problems happen becuz of EGO.

If there is lack of understanding and thrust it is better to separate out, but then questions comes about ALIMONY. Women think that is their right and then stalemate comes and many a cases 498A/ DV etc are filed only to extract maximum out of husband or to bulldoze husband to accept all conditions for living together or separation.

I totally agree that there should not be any dowry involved in marriage and their should be proper education for girls. But that should be done to stand on their feet. Till 498A, DV/ CrPc 125, Dowry are in the society thinking of equality is mirage only. Thanks

Who ever invented this section 498a and the word dowry. This is the most silliest Act. And some persons want this Act to be made gender neutral. Misuse of any law cannot be prevented beyond a point. If this law is strictly followed and made gender neutral, the whole world will go to jail.

This law will die a natural death once some lawyers, policemen, judges, politicians are directly affected by this law.

I am not able to see my son because of this law. My wife and mother in law have been threatening to go to the police for the last 7 years. But am I not being tortured when my son is not sent to me even for a vacation. My mother in law says that women have become powerful after this law and her husbands death. My brother in law told me that my father in law used to torture my mother in law, pull her by the hair and went to cut her or something. Seeing all these things he says that he is trying to treat his wife nicely.My father in law was a poor man. But his sons are reasonably well to do. My mother in law is so happy that her husband is dead. It would have been better if my mother in law and father in law had divorced.

Why should i be punished because the previous generation did something wrong.

smi;

It look yellow those who has yellow fever, hope you hears this say.

YES in biased because i seen more women misuse dowry law than used it.

i said ” in your district how many women burnt to death because of Dowry demand. ?” but unfortunatly you gave me link of women who shot herself.

its others to judge who is biased.

You gave your maids example.

think, if you want to buy something and you dont find it one one shop, what you will do…?

you go to other shop right ?

so, why your maid husband went to other women….? coz he did`t found what he wanted. or she was not giving what he wanted. and also other owmen has no problem with him. and other women is responsible to steal other owmen husband.

but you blamed only your maids husband

tell me who is biased now.?

smi;

I am sure you are not reading what this site mostly say. it nowhere say, law should not punish those who harass women for dowry.

i repeat again in one sentence.

There should be punishment for those who demand dowry,Dowry giver and mis use dowry law.

and please find remedy for yellow fever here http://mynation.net/tips/

smi;

Dont forget to read this. http://supari.org/woman-eloped/ [ Udupi : Married Woman Eloped, Goes Missing…]

more you will find on http://supari.org

Doc,

not able to open the sites because its blocked in the office. Will check it later.

If you feel that person who harasses his wife should be punished, why are you suppressing the women who comes with the problems here. I have seen you answering almost all the quarries. When a women approaches you are giving very rude and biased answers.

Regarding my maids story- You mean to say then Men can go to other women if they don’t find their wife interesting. And same time women should not ?

smi, yes i answer these queries because im doing this almost as many years of half of your age, assuming you are just around 28 years old. i can guess that from your questions.

Do you know we have women members on our group. ?

if im or any member of this forum biased towards women then we would have blocked or deleted all of your questions, as i have moderator rights here.

women get biased answer only when she try to “reap where she do not sow”

yes owmen has right to go when she finished with her husband without claiming anything from him, as man leave her without asking her to maintain him. when she donot want him why women claim money from him ?

im biased coz almost all indian judges force man to pay even his wife run away with her lover. thats why im fighting. and nothing against any women.

Dr Dsouza,

I ‘m not much aware of law regarding maintenance. but I feel if the man approaches the court with proper evidence that she left him because of she had extra marital affair, I think judge will definitely favor him.

Dear CRkannan,

I feel sorry for your mother. I have a question for you hear. When your grand mother was torturing your mother, what was your father doing?

Kannan if I was in your mothers position I would not have bared it. I would have done something by which she stops torturing. Same time not to the extent of giving police complaint.

My father became 80% blind when I was 5 years old. My mother used to cry or avoid my grand mother. I was very young. My grand mother lived for most part in another city

Smitha; I know you are a social worker. and may be met some sobing women whos husband left them. but we have thousands of judgments where husbands are forced to pay even illegitimate children.women who are in extra marital affairs, who run away with lovers but occupy and bring restrain order from court to stop husband entering from his own house. such list is unlimited.

and you have to be in our shoes to know how Indian Legal system treat us, whatever proofs man shows are not valid when women just cry in front of judge. coz they are very good in acting.

our members sisters, young children, brest fed children along with their mother are jailed under 498a with one word of women.

you know all this if you have a brother and his wife file 498A on you.

We have women in our group who fight for their brothers, if we were biased towards all women we would have treated them as Prostitute; but we count them as our Sisters.

Doc,

by profession I’m not a social worker. I never consider myself as social worker. I’m from the Management Background. But I do give back to society voluntarily being an active member of Corporate Social responsibility of my company and also part of couple of other NGOs who mainly work with children. During weekends if I’m free I visit the Govt school next to my home and take session for high school children on Personality Development and career guidance. I have helped NGO to develop educational modules.

I have never met anyone who is victim of Dowry harassment or victim of 498a. Until I read this site, I was not aware of for seriousness of it. I used to read abt it only in news paper but never considered it so important as my interests are different.

I came across this site when I was searching for few information on Child rights. And landed in one of the query raised on child custody.

Mahindra satyam.

How about women who deny to enter Fathers name is childs birth cirtificate.

If men ask dowry, why women pays??? They have option not to get married. Women may have poor status in India but that is not amongst educated or urban class of people. It is there in rural and non educated class. Any educated woman tolerating smallest of husband’s cruelty even for a day is stupidity. That woman should be punished first then men should be punished.

Doc

I’m very surprised!!! Looks like you have done some research on me..

NO. i have sixth sense.

You said you are my nieghbor. and it is better to know who my nieghbors are.

Doc,

My sixth sense says that, being an admin of this site you have access to check complete name of the members and with that you searched me in FB and orkut.

Am my correct???

NO.i did`t search in FB/orkut.

Now i know you are in both. let me search there. Thank you for giving me hint.

Come-on Doc!!!!… leave your ego pls. I know it very well if you have found my company name.. it’s possible only through my FB or Orkut..

I have no issues if you check it…

What if i found somewhere,from someone. else….? what you will lgive….

smi; how about this news ?

http://supari.org/ap-police-bravery/

CoimbatoreFeb:23, Laxman a Doctor from Coimbatore working in London got married to a divorced lady(for her 2nd marriage) Saujanya(35) from kamam, A.P. She filed dowry complaint(498a) 323,341 and 506(1) IPC at kamam, police abut husband Laxman managed to get Anticipatory Bail

Saujanya also gave another complaint against the husband’s brother and his wife both of them are doctors from coimbatore.

Based on the complaint A.P. Police came to Coimbatore and arrested Dr.Laxman Brothers pregnant wife and not allowed her to call her husband or to use her cell phone. Without informing any of her relatives or husband She was taken by jeep towards Erode and during travel she was bleeding.

She was refused to buy even a napkin. She was them taken by train from Erode to Andhra, in unreserved compartment.

The lady doctor got severe stomach pain got fainted in train. because of brutality of Andhra Police even she shouting in pain Andhra Police did not show any mercy on her, and she got aborted. only then A.P.police communicated to her husband and he communicated the higher police officials of T.N. and then Andhra.

The lady was dropped at Jwalarpet Railway station she was handed over to her relatives.

This shows brutality of Police and misuse of law. Andhra Police along with Saujanya should be charged with muder of unborn child, activists demanded.

Dr Dsouza, I read the story. this is very pathetic. It shows how much efficient our police is.

Smi, u may not have seen any incident of misuse of 498A. I would like to share my story here. I got married in feb, 2004. The girl was pschyzophrenic(mentally unstable). Since the marriage was fixed through a mediator who was known to us, we could’nt figure it out. we’d talked to girl also but could’nt identify. she was on medication for her mental problems. Later on she was hospitalized also two times for the same problem(by her family members). I was posted in mumbai at that time. She went missing two times in mumbai. Missing complaints were lodged with the police. In my six years of marriage, she lived with me hardly for one year. She enjoys torchering me. She hates my parents, brother and his wife and my sis. I tried everything to settle the course. Ultimately she lodged 498A against my family which includes my mother, retired father, brother(engr, astt manager in a reputed firm) and married sister. We’d seen a very tough time. very difficult to explain that experience. I’ve lost my innocence in this whole phase of life. Two times I was ditched by my lawyers. I was fortunate enough, managed to avoid any arrest.

now it’s upto you whether u believe me or not that i’m not guilty. My mother, sister and brother’s wife are extremely good. Not all women are bad. But some women are bad also and when they misuse 498A, it becomes fatal for a family.

Dr Dsouza..

would be happy if you tell me how u found it, if not through FB or Orkut..

read in yesturdays TOI that 498a is going to be bailable soon.

hiarangupta,

I feel sorry after reading your story. Just have a question here..You cant play safe with the help of eveidence on her mental state?

we have members everywhere.

even where you stay.

jan 16 is a special day for you ?

smi

He might have found out probably from the ip no. but why is he trying to get your personal details?

if 498a is going to be bailable that is good news for all the members in this forum that shows you are unbaised.

what is so special about jan-16

hey rekha, how are u?

may be because I’m from his neighboring district, he is curious and trying to dig lot of details about me.

Jan 16th is nothing. But Jan 17th is very special in my life. That is my Birthday

Being administrator Dr dsouza has a priviledge to c every one’s name. I guess he has googled my name. When someone google my name, my DoB come as 16th Jan.. One of my friend has saved it as 16th Jan and it appears on google search.

Uncle D’souza am i correct??????

Rekha are you from legal back ground?

were is our Dr dsouza? not heard him from 2-3 days?

no… this forum is very helpful for getting all legal knowledge.

Dr. Dsouza has disappeared … hope he is fine. Mr.dearverma has taken over his position FYI

sorry to say.

im in India now, hunting someone in BANGlore

Dr welcome back.. All the best!!

taken his place? place for talking abt equality i guess

btw i was just scanning ur posts. u didnt mentioned the actual cruelty by ur hubby. everytime u said please read my previous comments. one place u wrote he caught in an indecent act with some minor, left his place, filed for divorce etc. but his doesnt shows any cruelty or cruelty to the extent of 498a. 498a is “supposed” to be used in gravest of circumstances.

and lets keep aside ur hubby, ur MIL and FIL never caused cruelty towards u. u filed 498a on those old people just because they were helping their son. thats ridiculous.

and yes even if ur 498a is genuine thank god for ur hubby there are many false 498a in india due to which there is a mindset abt every 498a case of being false.

if you really want genuine suffering women to be helped advice women not to file false 498a. but for that you’ll have to go to a women’s forum. but i bet this is the only place where u r writing giving adivces to men to be couteous to their ever demanding wife and still moderator here allows to ur express ur views. try writing in any womens forum abt men’s rights u’ll be kicked right away. shows the difference.

I would definately advice women to fight against injustice so that nobody dares to do any injustice. at the same time not do any injustice to others. women should fight back against injustice, rebuild their life, and live with respect and dignity.

u wrote: ‘try writing in any womens forum abt men’s rights u’ll be kicked right away” can you stop me from writing??? everybody has right to express their views here and it is moderator who will decide not you. the language you use is also being noted by everyone who views.

What ever happened(before and after the incident) to me comes under the preview of 498a: . I had tried everything to avoid 498a thinking that whether convicted or acquinted he is a father to the child. why should child be suffering. but the day he took the child and went missing was enough. i could not tolerate further. I have to fight back.

I could have easily put him in trouble if i wanted. but I thought of future of that girl and also her mother who is a widow struggling for decent living. totally unaware of the happenings.

if there is no punishment for the crime. everyone will be free to do what ever they want.whether eithical or not. the law and order will prevail in any country thru reward and punishment.

498A. Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty.

“

Whoever, being the husband or the relative of the husband of a woman, subjects such woman to cruelty shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to three years and shall also be liable to fine.

Explanation-For the purpose of this section, “cruelty” means-

(a) Any willful conduct which is of such a nature as is likely to drive the woman to commit suicide or to cause grave injury or danger to life, limb or health whether mental or physical) of the woman; or

(b) Harassment of the woman where such harassment is with a view to coercing her or any person related to her to meet any unlawful demand for any property or valuable security or is on account of failure by her or any person related to her meet such demand.]

“if you really want genuine suffering women to be helped advice women not to file false 498a”

I want every genuine suffering human being who has not done injustice, to be helped whether child, man or woman or old parents.

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dear rekha dont so worked up truth is bitter.

probably ur husband took away the child because maybe he also thought he cannot live with u further and legally he cannot have the child 24*7.

u asked maintenance of child from father and allowing him to meet only once in 14 days and putting that as if u have done some huge favour to him. what if ur husband proposes that he’ll give the child not 5K but 25K, he’ll give him the most luxurious life even if he has to beg, borrow or steal but let the child be with him 24*7 and u get to meet him once every fortnight. will u agree for the sake of child? if u r not breastfeeding him right now what more right do u have over father to keep him.

a child need mother just for breastfeeding. what extra can a women give him that the father cannot. pity the father who cannot be with his small child. he’s crying day in and day out away from the child.

any unlawful act is punishable. abducting a child below 5 year even by a father is unlawful act.

not all woman are furtunate to breastfeed.the laws says the child less than 5 years should be in the custody of mother irrespective whether she breastfeeds or not. unless it is proved it is not in the interest of the child.

if the child is with father why should she ask for child maintenance and support. will the child who has been with mother 24 * 7 since his birth will go to his father after he/she is above 5 years permanently ?. is it right to send the child permanently to father without willingness of the child who likes to be with mother always but wants spend only weekends with father that too in his mother presence.

if the job of the father demands extensive travelling will he be able to be with child 24*7. how many father will leave their lucrative jobs for a child when he has parents/relative to support. and now the childs future? will his relative be with him if he leaves the job?

“he’s crying day in and day out away from the child.” what about my tears .life without a companion is easy to lead… am i happy to see the child without the father and father in tears. revenge will not do any good to anyone.

if he/she had commitments outside marriage why should he marry and bring so much pain and misery to everyone. can marriage sustain without trust and faith.??

Child need both the parents. Doesnot matter what is the age of the child. One should not forget there is a supreme power above all the courts and law. No body should be deprived of doing his duty, either mother or father.

While together, my wife asked me once, if she gets separated and leave the child with me then how often will I allow her to meet him and my reply was spontaneous ‘Whenever she will want to, it is your natural right and why permission’. I don’t know how these laws have been drafted. How come they know that the child will need his father after 14 days only. I was the one who used to check him all night if he is wet and change/wash diaper in the night when he used to bed-wet. He had never asked his mother to give milk or food whenever I’m around. My wife had never fed fruits to him. She used to curse me that I am spoiling him as the kid is watching tv while I feed him with my hand and he expects the same from her when I’m not around.

It has been 3 years the kid is with me only and she never bothered to call him up or dropped a greeting on his birthdays. How hard hearted she has become.

If the father has to travel extinsevely, he is not doing it for fun. It is the demand of the job he is assuming. I had asked my wife the day she starts earning equal to me what I was earning @that time. I would happily like to leave the job and manage the home without maid even. Rekha ji, even killing my ego didn’t help.

It is not that all the mens are seeking relationships outside and all the women are like Sati Savitri or vice versa. It is a give and take relatioinship and both the parties have to contribute. I must say one(both) has to build a habit of giving without expecting in return with positive outlook. The day this happens – no relation can break, what to talk of Husband and wife.

any woman/man expects certain things which are important for sustaining marriage. which is basic for any relation which is not by blood. expectation will always be there for women who has left her career her loved ones etc and there will be also expectation from husband that wife will alway obey to his orders or do her duties and take responsbility of his parents etc. when these expectation are not not met then the problems happens. question whether is it practically possible??will that day come??

why should a misery for a woman who has been faithful to her husband.

Rekha;

for todays women, whatever husband says is ORDER, and they will disobey. coz they forget responsibility towards home.

if women follow her responsibilities no one will tell her anything.

Todays Indian laws favor whatever women do is right. thats why there is 10 fold in divorce. and women is not read to compromise, she always think man has to compromise as she says(prompted by her mother)

it is not only women is faithfull most indian men are also faithfull to his wife, but what he will get in return…?

Absolutely Right Doc.

If someone is aware about his/her duties and fulfilling the same there is no need for anyone to poke his nose. There might be some suggestions to improve which are required everywhere whether you are in job or elsewhere.

Now the people have forgotten that before expecting some thing from the other, one should do his/her part first. You sow first and after lot of labout a good crop is expected. In old days the bride was given the keys of the home once she had proved herself to able to manage the home, after toiling day and night while serving the entire family as a part of the same family. Hence the base of the relationship was very strong. But these days the girls start expecting half the share of his husband’s belonging very next day of the marriage and even before.

There is no denial that the Husband has to maintain her wife. What if the needs are not justified. She nags him day and night for one reason or the other and most of the time its her ill thoughts about the family of the Husband. How can she expect that she has now become the master of the male counterpart and he should forget everything once got married. This is the droconian Hindu Marriage Act. Where meaning of the family have been distorted where only wife and children are included. Thats why the joint families are hard to hear.

i still didnt get my answer

if ur husband proposes that he’ll give the child not 5K but 25K, he’ll give him the most luxurious life even if he has to beg, borrow or steal but let the child be with him 24*7 and u get to meet him once every fortnight. will u agree for the sake of child?

u said “the laws says the child less than 5 years should be in the custody of mother ” is this u answer. can u tell me the basis of this law. can u tell me if this law is gender neutral. what extra does a women gives that a man cannot besides breastfeeding. y this stupid law. after 5 years what are the chances the baby will come to father after being poisoned minded by the egoistic mother.

and then leave aside law does anything prevents u giving custody of child to father if he gives the above proposition. isnt this in more interest of child than getting paltry maintenance amount from father.

please be specific this time in answering.

most women fight for custody not becuase they wanted child but because money follows with child, so they can demand financial support and also blackmail husband for other issues like Divorce.

they use child as pawn of their game,

i gone thru millions of custody judgments, nowhere women asked just child without support and without blackmailing husband in divorce. thats the reality. with small child they also argue, child is small so they cannt find job and work, so they need maintenance too, and indian judiciary will awared it.

out of all judgments most women deny to give even visitation to father but they want money from husband.

answer: NO- In that case, I will give him counter proposal to stay with me for the sake of child. that would be the best interest of the child if father and mother is with the child.

if the father borrows or steals he is still going to give uncertain future to the child. mother too can provide luxurious life to the child by unethical ways. but is it right?? will your principles or conscious permit.

even in animals new borns are raised by mother in the early years of life. don’t you think it is against nature.

I will not accept such proposal till the child himself says without any influence. If father does not care for childs maintenance then I will myself take care of the childs need and provide whatever best i can. at the same time allow father to meet the child whenever he want irrespective whether he gives maitenance or his marital status.

“beg, borrow or steal” i take back thse words. that was sarcasm, not meant to be actual. but unfortunately u dont understand these. i meant father will provide much more than what court awards as child maintenance.

ur answer NO. so u pick ur own interest over’s child interest even though knowing that ur husband can earn more than u and provide him a much comfortable life.

“even in animals”. thats y they are animals. there are umpteen instances where a man successfully raises a child.

“child himself says” when will the child say after 5 years after being all the while will mother??? who are you kidding.

“allow father to meet the child whenever he want” appreciate this. have u proposed this to him?

most women cunningly say this i have never stopped u. come to my parents house and meet child whenever u want. even if her parents are living far away and the husband and his parents are insulted there.

In some cases court has given child custody to father above 5 years considering welfare of the child.

how painful it must be for the mother who has carried the child inside her for nine months and under her care for 5 years.

not only animal.. but also birds, insects too. there are also umpteen instances where single mother has sucessfully raised childrens many of them are sucessful man/woman.

I did not have to propose. I felt it was necessary for child to have a father figure in his life. y should our child not have a normal upbringing.

why not make some arrangment to meet the child outside parks or malls etc with some written terms if someone has so many apprehensions.

Listen dear victims husbands and victims wives,

This forum is purely for victims husbands who are victimised by their respective wives, so we are not ready to listen those girls,womens,wives,etc who are victimised by their father,husband,brother,male inlaws or their own relative or non relative males of the society and so whoever ladies are coming in this forum we request them to not to comment on males as we all are here victims males and husbands who are harrashed by our wives respectively.

we do understand that society is full of devils males are also bad and females are also bad, mother of a boy is also bad and mother of a girl is also bad and father of boy is also bad and father of a girl is also bad, in our society all politicians, government employees,judiciary,military,airforce,army,raw,intelligence dept,cbi,and all means all private companies and general public majority are corrupted and majority peoples of india are bad in one or the other sense. That doesnt mean good peoples are not there in india or world. so here evenif we may be bad in one sense or one type but we may be good in other sense or other types. like wise you also who are coming here to comment. so please dont show in this forum to our males who are victims made by our respective wives. This forum is strictly for males who are victims from their wives and any feminian persons who are either some or the other way victimised by their relative or non relative counterpart males then please do contact your womens cell and their your compaline and your problems to them police is there, governmnet is their who are supporting womens of india and world very easily and we are not against that. we indian males are against those wives and females who dont want to stay with their husbands or wrongly catching their husbands and their familes into wrong cases and doing bad to them, ya we are concerned about those who are asking for dowery and killing innocent womens for dowery or due to cruelity we condemn such things and as it is not in your hands to book them in laws as laws are so problematic that evenif culprits runaway from laws and innocents are tapped in laws and booked for noreasons. so we dont want to fight with those females who are victims by males and as such now no women can say it is a male dominated india as india is already changed in all senses, majority of womens, girls and females except old aged mothers all are showing their bra,boobs,butgs in open while wearing mini short skirts and even many girls use to say that we have so we show so what we males can do if in a television or in a movie in thearture if this katrina kaif, or malika arorra, amrita arroora,or priyanka chopra,rakhi sawant or anyother malika sherawat all these or many other ladies goes open in market then rape happens by other wrong doer males then we innocent males are not responsible anyhow for such a female dominated society of india, females wants respect but dont want to wear simple and proper clothes to cover their body parts from public and due to such support by womens themselves and due to such heroiens and these bad males who are supporting this system of exposing such senario has happend if we say u dont show your body then females says ya we are living in 21st centruy and so we are having freedom from all and all males and then they do so and ultimately other females have to face rape victim cases by bad boys and also many females provok male communities by doing work of selling body of their own. so dont say all womens are devi’s and all mens are devtas, we know that majority of males are not good of world then dont feel good you all womens are majority of womens are also nagins and rands,and enjoying 2 or 3 or many males as they feel good and they feel like so here we are not talking about males who has did bad to womens, we support those victims womens who are really innocent our simpathy is with her and we are also ready to fight for them but you also know the system which gives women immunity is taking away that very immunity by giving exposing free hands to females so such problematic cases happens, so if india is male dominated then it is also female dominated and this forum is for anti female domination who are worngly harrsing their own husband and their husband families in which women as mother of husband and daughter of husband also comes so husband also have many females as their relatives apart from bad wives, so we are not fighting alone for husbands or males but also for our mothers and sisters and daughters and also we love our wife but they dont want to love us or they have other boy to enjoy with then what we can do and so they do such criminal activity to harrash us by wrongly imposing cases on victims husband, that doesnt mean all womens or females are devils ya many females are like mataji and like devi and they also sacrifice then what any male may do but that doesnt mean females are baaps of all and not we expect males as baaps of all females no we want equality in all matters and that we are ready to support but not on terms of those females who are victimising males for no reason. if a female gets full rights then it is 100% needed that equally all males also should get full rights in visitation of their child parentail custody of their child either boy or girl and also equal rights if any male is asking for dowery then hang him till death we are ready to support but if any female does wrong cases then also hang such ladies and their father and mother also till death so the society will understand what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong. we dont suppport male terririsom in any kind on females but we also ready to fight against any terrrisom by any females on innocent males. that also needs to be understood by all females of society of india and world. equality means equality on all backgrounds and law also needs to give punishments on equality basis who is culrpit either male or female will be given full punishment on proof background and not on false compalin either by male or by female. thats it.. i am sorry for using bad words here but i cant help it to use it as wihtout that i cant able to make you all understand what i want to say..

According to me about parential rights, it should be equal, there are 3 options:-

1. child boy or girl stays with mother and daily father gets chance to meet their child for 2 hours or 4 hours as per the mutual understading and time available from both sides and consent from both sides to meet the child at some place like temple, or fatherside relatives or some common friends area or court as mother who is apparted from father will not going to give chance to father to meet at her own place. so . this is one option.

2. child boy or girl stays with father and daily mother gets chance to meet their child for 2 hours or 4 hours as per the mutual understanding and time available from both sides and consent from both sides to meet the child at father’s place as always fatherside i hope so will not be so arrogent like motherside (wifeside) to not to get access to childs mother at their own place, but yet if it is so then mother can meet their child at their own relatives or some common friends or court or any good decided place like garden or any good and safe place for all. this is no 2 option.

3. child boy or girl stays 15 days with mother and 15 days with father if they both are staying in same city or if they are staying in different citites then option one or two will be choosen off. and if option 3 is also not accepteable, then last option is let the child stay with mother up to 5 years as it is legal necessity and also physical necessity of a child to stay with mother till 5 years and then lets have a legal fight and legal battle for the safety and good of childs future who is more powerfull and who is more moneyed and wealthy and healthy and of good sound mind and money will win the legal battle for making childs future good but in that case also may be custody may go to mother or father as per the strength of eachone but other one must get visitation rights to meet their child within a weeks time or 15days time atleast 2 hours in a week or 15 days or 1 monthly atleast to meet their child but without giving chance to father or mother on some good background it is not good for child’s development and not in the interest of mother or father to have child apparted from anyone side and it is very bad to not to give chance to meet either side to their child for no reason.

so according to me maximum possible time to either mother or father needs to be given to meet their own child if they dont have the custody on mutual beneficial way by court needs to settle such things. but in reality it is not possible as laws are bais in this matter also.. so sad…

while using words like nagins and r**** please also think about your mother, sisters and daughters when you are here to say “so we are not fighting alone for husbands or males but also for our mothers and sisters and daughters”-

also we love our wife but they dont want to love us- Mr. kandarp2001ktv why will your wife love u if you do not respect her. most problems starts from here.

even if you are not able to visit the child for any reason. you should have an arrangment to talk to the child for some time on regular basis.

Rekha; you say. in some cases court has given custody to father and its painfull to mother.

but most of the cases women get custody, and most fathers left out without child, so thats not painfull to men ?

very few fathers get custody so very few wemen are painfull,…!

im also fighting for my son custody for last 12 years and court not even gave me, visitation rights, and went to HC and after 12 years i got visitation just for 1 day and when i went to her house they were ready with abusive words and did`t allowed me to meet my son.

when i reported this to court, court ask proofs of their abusive words.

thats how indian courts works.

they delayed for 12 years and now court says why i did`t met my son for 12 years.

what a joke.

Rekha;

u say “Mr. kandarp2001ktv why will your wife love u if you do not respect her”

respect will not come just like that…

give respect and take respect.

how many today women know, how to respect husband. ?

Dr.Dsouza, Please dont fight for me, as I have got practice of my wife was misbehaving with me like this only that i dont give her respect and love inspite of i was giving her respect and love so their is no proof of such things, respect is a way of action, which is positive and lovely and understanding with maturity to show your warth to other person. Here I have used some bad words not for rekha or to mywife or any ladies of my family as they are not like that, but ya in society as rekha is saying that males are bad as she has right to say as she is vicitim of her husband but she also dont want other husband who are vicitims of some bad ladies under whom my wife has come and is infulenced by those bad ladies so my wife took such decision, and so i was using such bad words for those ladies who infulenced my wife to take such a bad decision and so i wrote that i love my wife as i do always yet love her and will always, but that i need not to show to this victimised rekha and i need not to prove her as who is she to me nothing so let her say what she wants to say, as i believe that, she is so much victimised by her husband and so she sees in every male her husband (i have sympathy for her.. bechari..) and so evenif it is my blog where she and i dont have any relations then also from somewhere came out like jansi ki rani and started verbal sword fightting with me and i feel to laugh at her as i feel she has understood me as her husband and so if she has understood me as her husband as without relations with me she came to fight with me that only shows she sees her husband in me and so as i told you that i love my wife and it is my wife has left me so if this rekha herself understand me as her husband so then i have to show my love for my wife so i beared it that on this talk she is like my wife so what i can say i have to keep silence so i have not replied her anything let her feel like, khisyani beeli khambha noche.. so let her say what she likes we are like elephants that anybody barks we dont feel bad only we feel fear of God and no one else. so let her be feel like khisyani beeli khambha noche.. and i know that she is not my wife but she started a verbal fight with me so i understood that she is so much victimised by her husband that she sees every male as her husband and i do respect her also that ok your are allowed to think like whatever you wish to think for me or for all males as when a wife is right against her husband and husband has did bad then she always behaves like a khisyani beeli khambha noche.. so Dr Desouza, let her be free she is under very big trauma i dont want to increase her trauma i feel much petty for her and i feel we should help her as these so called women cell are also not helping her so she has came to this forum where all victims husbands are meeting, so may be she has come here to find out some victim husband who can take care of her but rekha sorry i dont want to marry again so i will not take interest in you much,you may find other peoples who are interested in you who are victims of husband i feel sorry for your case and you.. please take care and enjoy life up to fullest and dont go in any others personal life without knowing the facts or else u have to listen much which may your husband might have made u understand but i think u have not followed of him so u feel your husband is bad. anyway it is your personal issue you can enjoy the way u like for me i am khyisana bela khambha noche type of feelings is not there for me i have aanadi raaja pari ko manaye, pari hi hai to samaj na payee.. aanandi raaja pari ko manaye.. her u r not the pari it is my wife who is more than a pari but you cant write for your husband like this as you are khisyani beli khambha noche… anyway please dont see me later as i am not your husband and dont comment on my blog much or else you will enjoy more then this.. thankyou mr. dr desouza to give me a way to speak to you about it.

After reading about me in the above post i feel Mr. kandarp2001ktv seems to be having some psychological problem. he is imagining things. first of all it is not your blog it is a internet forum where I have expressed my views. I do not think I am a victimised by my husband nor I imagine anyone as my husband.

Educated woman who has been though divorce or separation can rebuild her life but the innocent child has to bear the burnt of the divorce and cannot have normal upbringing. non custodial parent too is not happy in this situation.if they cannot live together in harmony they still can do what best they can for the child to give him normal childhood (living separately). time will not wait for anyone.

Dr. Dsouza, why was that you had to wait for 12 years if father has visitation rights?

Dr Dsouza,

Hahahahaaha, I feel really laughing at this victimised Rekha_s as if suppose you find her correct on her blog which is an internet forum and she writes that i have psychological problem as i am imaging on her issue, if we find her correct then also a person who has psychological problems and a person knows this then she should not say him that u r having psychological problems as if she say so then how much big problem she is having in her mind that u can understand from her own words.As she herself imaging and saying to me i am imaging, As on one side she is blogging on this forum against husband and simutenously she says she is not victimised by her husband so she herself dont understand that she is victimised or not. for my case i love my wife but ya i am victimised by her so i am blogging over here. It also correct that she has been manipulated by her own relatives so i have faced divorce, but in her case she strongly beleives that she is not victimised by her husband then why she is on this blog, this only words says her mentality that she is having a big psychological problems and saying me that i have that. I request her that please dont give your opinon on my blog as i am not interested to listen anything from her for my issue or my blog and if she is so annoyed with males then what she is doing in this males blog who are vicitimased by their wives. For womens they have police and government cells where she can loddge compalin and work with them for their betterment, why she comes here to guide us what is good or what is bad. we know if she is good then she must be working with her own issues and not to indulged in anyother persons issues. I think she is really hurted by her husband and may be her husband was correct in his decision to make her happy but this madam might have taken other way round so he gave her divorce now she understands for her child,then why at the time her husband was taking care of her she didnt thought of this situation and for her child now coming here on this blog and giving lectures on how to upbring child after divorce, if she is show much learned then please tell her to manage and write books on this issue and sell it by herself, we may buy it if we like, but we dont want to listen such problems of her. We dont want to hurt her but also we dont her to hurt us for no reason, in this blog only males who are victimised from their wives are allowed to do blogging against such bad laws, so we all should not appreciate such types of ladies who come from somewhere can starts to blog for no reason. For them Girja Vyas is a big lady who works for her issues please let her go there to address her issues over there. If she will not understand then please anyone please pass on her total information to me then let me contact her husband and her child that what she is saying over here.We will make her understand what is right and what is wrong. She is corrsing the limits in blogging here. Evenif we dont want to chat with her or blog on her issues, she comples us to create problems while blogging on our issues. Please pass on her husband’s phone numbers and email address so i can send such blogging to him so he can take further action against her.

This topic was •Started 1 month ago by smi

thanks for your advice I need no messanger to pass on information to my husband. I do write to him and also talk to him giving all the info on development of child. so that he also remains part of his upbringing.

while talking to him and seeing the child interact I feel we are victims of situations and it is too late for our reunion (for the sake of child atleast). I also see the pain of members who are non custodial parents from this forum. this has given a positive move from my side to the father. we are not officially divorced but working on mutual consent divorce and move on in life.

commitments/obligation/duties which are bound by marriage should be followed by both with understanding/respect and love. look out for amicable solution instead of fighting. enjoy life and live peacefully. man or woman we are humanbeing first.

Till child is 5 years old father is not allowed to file custody of child,

then that custody case dragged for another 5 years just giving date after date, and at the end judge asked why i did`t met child for last 10 years. even i met the child at school and i showed the video that was not recorded in court file.

later said case was dismissed without any relief.

then i filed visitation in HC, till custody granted; as mother left child when he was just 2 years old and went abroad.still HC took 2 years to grant just visitation rights only after i deposited my passport in local court.

thats how indian judiciary stop father to meet his son.

Ok till the child is 5 years father is not allowed custody but visitation cannot be denied??

why did you wait for so long. you should have filed of visitation rights immediately when the child was in the physical custody of mother. custody battle takes long to settle. it goes in favour of mother as you cannot prove she can be cruel to her own child. why blame judiciary? that was your right.

i did`t asked for visitation coz she left him when he was just 2 years old and went to Gulf.

so i wanted custody, as i used to meet him in school without any visitation order.

dont you think leaving him when he was just 2 years old is cruelty ?

judiciary knew she left him then why my file was dismissed without any releif.

if judiciary was just then it would have have visitation rights when i asked custody.

even HC took 2 years to grant visitation that also after depositing passport.

Mr. D souza,

I have read your autobiography. Child should have been with you if she has left the country permanantly and kept child in the care of her parents instead of giving it biological father ( when you are still in india). but may be because she was financially insecure she might have thought of returning back in a year or so after making some good money to secure childs life.

Even if he was under grandparents care even for temperory period you should have availed your visitation rights to be connected with the child.

What has happened in the past you cannot change. you have control on present and future. Now that you have remarried and settled in kuwait. you will have your childrens someday or may be u already have.

yes it is very painful for a father to remain detached with the son but now it will be more difficult to be connected with the son when you have ur present family. you will have to balance both the relations.

your son must be 12 years+ and will be mature enough to understand the situation. he will some day come to know about your feeling towards him. or else you write to him a mail. the best what you can do is to give him all the financial help for education and atleast meet him and talk to him when you are india.

hatred/sympathy/pity for wife will be useless. think about what you can give rather than thinking what you cud have done or given. you will remain a father to the son even if you are remarried.

i fight for custody not because im his father but because, how he is raised.

her parents kept him, just because she send money and they spend it, coz her brothers are useless and dont even send any money to parents. one brother got married not even informing parents.

they dont even have proper seperate room or sperate table and chair to study. He sit on steps of thier house and write. its a village house having multiple steps.

i can provide him better guidence as her parents and not even pass 7th.

i have 4 bedroom lake side villa and better position to raise him with care.

she comes to india once in 2 years and i come 4 times a year.

but indian judiciary dont count all that.

did you talk to your son whether he would want to live with you (and with new mother)and also you can give him better amenities and comfort. Is he willing to leave his grand parents just because they have not be able to provide him comforts. what is childs decision??

your ex is still single mother and needs to work to sustain life and give good education to son. she has been getting all the support needed from her parents.. what is wrong in taking parents responsibility. they too are looking after the child. just think they may be poor but still they have provided education to all the childrens including ur ex. Raising the child is also not easy task at the old age.

there are childrens who also study in empty school premises under the street lights. some childrens like to study where ever they feel comfortable. what if you had provided the separate table and chair to study. it would have been good gesture from your side to get his confidence.

it makes lot of difference if she calls him and is in contact everyday and visits only twice and you visit 4 times and no contact at all.

she hardly call him and talk, most of the time if she calls, talks to mothers about whats cooking and usual women stuff who run away with whom. i know how they gossip.

that i asked my son from 3rd party.

same grand parents were not able to send their own sons beyond 7th standered, how can they guide my son..?

one of their son didt passed 7th and workign as a waiter, who didt even informed parents when he got married.

another one working as A/c techicians.

thats what these grand parents done.

what about your ex education. is she a graduate? even the childrens should have willingness to study.

is your son good in studies? are you enquiring about it?

from what you say it looks like there is no family bonding for whatever the reason.

Are you still fighting for his custody?is there a chances of you getting custody of child if you have re-married?

But in present scenario, you are like stranger to your son as you are not having any communication with him. Will he come and stay with you all of sudden if you get the physical custody?

why don’t you try to communicate thru atleast 3rd party and try to build a good healthy relation (atleast now) and give him all the support what he wants as a father. years will pass fighting cases… forget the past and think about the future.

thats their ultimate goal to keep me away from him. as long as they keep him away and fil his ears with bad things, he will think im bad. and they know this very well.

most women never tell abou their father. forget good things about Father.

coz they know, once children with Father they realise the truth what she and her family told about him.

i keep on checking everything about my son. Even i get inside information and can predict what they planning in future.

Even i dont meet him, i know my responsibilitiies. i have his 2 insurences and he is nominee of many things.

atleast communicate to him that you are concerned about him and knows reponsbilities towards him.You have made all arrangment to make his life secure eventhough you have remarried. Make him understand the situation so you had to take a such decision. try to fill up the gap of father but do not try to take the mothers space away by telling him how bad she is. for him his mother is struggling to give him good life.

Connect with him and give him all the assurance that you are there for him alway.

why its wrong to tell what she has done to me and him…?

i will not lies about her but tell the truth, that she STOPed breast feed when he was just 2 months old, just because,she cared more about her beauty than child and he will decide who is wrong and right.

they stop him from going to me coz he will find out the truth about me and slam back to them for telling lies about me and keeping him in Dark.

Now final judgement is in his hand. coz we getting older and time is in his hand.

and same fate for all women who keep their child away from their father.

let him have respect for both. don’t try to create any hatred in him. they may have done wrong. why you want to make same mistake. think what will happen to the child. it will hurt him emotionally. why do you want to do that. instead try to be a good father. you have moved on in your life. let him have a mother atleast by his side as she chose to be single for him. why do you want him to make any judgement. let him be happy. he can understand if she is cruel towards him. do you think if you tell all bad about mother in one fine day he will change his attitude and start loving you.

she will also have more convincing explanation against all bad things told by you.

you never seem convincing, doll rekha, cut the crap.

Feminists always try to prove they are right always. and Rekha is best example for that.

i will tell truth and truth only. so far i didt told him anything about her. later he should not tell me why didt i told this before.

he is grownup now,he can decide what is right and what is wrong. i will not tell anything behind her back. i can tell infront of her. coz its truth and its very hard to digest.

fighting in front of the child is very much wrong ask any child psychologist. and abusing each other in his presence will have more adverse effect on him. you very much love your child and you will always do what will be good for him. take advice from the child psychologist if it is right. I as a child did not even like one parent even talking loudly to other parent. I will condemn if any female would also do that.

Who is more talketive and vomit venom agianst other?

im sure its not men.

there is court directive too, not to fil child ears with bad things about child Father. and i know what most divorced women do.

is there a court directive to tell the child about the bad things of mother(even if it is truth).

will the child come close to you by telling that father is good and mom is bad after so many years and no communication. what if you secure his life and he refuse to take. even if nothing is filled in his ears he will think his father is irresponsible and has ruined his mom’s life. that is normal for any child in this situation

act immediately. try to communicate and tell your feeling towards him without hampering his mothers image in his mind. where ever you are he should have that feeling that father is with him.

rakhaji, one simple question. Do u want to marry now?

Hi Arun

Is it a question or a……………………… proposal.

Just kidding!

telling truth or happend need no court directive and is not even comes under defamation.

but hidding truth about child mother is crime/SIN/injustice as per me coz child has right to know what had happend. keeping him in drak violation of childs rights.

coz if father dont tell about his mother (BAD or good things) if he learn it from others then he may start to hate father, so it is better to tell him when time comes, let him decide who is right.

Arun already in once with 498a, im sure he dont want go in second time for sure. so its not a proposal.

NO

I have decided not to marry. our child needs constant attention/love and affection. I want to give him whatever i can. I have a feeling if I marry I may not.

unless men are so pathetic, old, ugly and if you have enough money then only men think to marry a Divorcee with strings attached.

you mean divorced man can easily remarry with strings attached if he has money even though pathetic old ugly??

will your present wife accept the child with same love affection as her own child if you do not keep her happy and content??? will there be perfect harmony in your house without your support

You know women better. you can answer your own question.

you know your better half and bitter half better. answer please

She always ask when i will bring my son home. as she is very fond of children. and she went to see him at his school without informing me.

from her nature im sure she better step mother coz as of now we dont have other children.

rekhaji,

After going through ur posts, i can say, U’ve taken a very good decision for not marrying again. It’s very difficult for u to get the man of ur choice. And moreover it’ll be better for ur child’s future also.

Mr. Arun,

there are divorced women/widows (with child) who have found mr right later married and settled. it is all their choice and preferences.

rekhaji, u r right, now I’m also settled in my life except legal fight and I understand what it takes to have love in life. After going through ur posts, I can say u need to understand lots of things.

I know I’ve no right to give u lecture. I loved my ex wife and did everything what i could do for her. I still wish for her wellbeing and i feel u r the same like her. Don’t waste ur life.

Dr.Dsouza,

married woman desires for a child.

seeing your situation you will be waiting for ur son to come and may be years will just pass and he will not come to you at all as you will always be a stranger to him. your wife may be willing to take him whether he will come to her is a big ?.

if you say “aurath ka dhimag… to her or her relative her nature will not be same remember this. what if u will land up in the same situation.

Dear Mr. Arun,

what is that I ” need to understand lots of things.”. you can advice me. may be i have not thought about it…

She knows what im writting and read all my posts. actually she is against feminists.

she knows her responsibilities too.

sooner or later we will be blessed with child, that not mean i will leave my son. as of now i have Visitation order from HC and also went to meet him,next time i will get him home in summer holidays.

that is good development.

so what happend to your LAW OF THE LAND…? reKHA

i should not have got visitation and custody.

as per you and law of the land only women get custody….

child cannot be divided. I am very much with the law of the land which says one who can take best care of the child should be given physical custody and one who does not get should be giving visitation rights. but the child who is less than 5 years should be with mother . for a child who is above 5 years it is debatable who can take best care. it would be good if third person evaluates. such as child welfare organisation or NGO who are unbaised. wishes of the child should be also be taken into consideration.

one question: why do you prefer to have your solutation as Dr when you are not doctor. are u a honest person Mr. D’souza. were u really good to your wife. why did she leave you?. were you giving child support timely to your child if you really cared for him. never faced contempt of court charges?

how would you look after the child who was 2 years without any job. even if he was given to you your mother/or your relatives would have taken care of him in your absence. and if you got easy divorce and remarried, step mother will take care.

if you assume that his grand parents are not taking care of him. can you guarantee that step mother will take care with same affection as biological mother. what if your second wife also leaves you if you think “kuthe ke poonch thedi ke thedi he rehti hai… attitude towards any women.

breastfeeding is not the only criteria to judge love of a mother towards her child.

as the child grows up no matter how much you try to influence he can easily understand his surrounding. there can be differences/conflicts between the spouses. they should give their share of love without taking other partners share. child is all together different individual and will have his own thinking.

Law should be same for all, as per your Law of Land (LOL) only mother should get child below 5 years right ?

i can show many recent judgments even father got girl child custody? so its not law of land which change colours. i can call it law of ladies, who think only mother is capable raise child better.

i think u know only injection giving doctor.

child will not have your breastfeed when its 20 year old, it need it when its below 5 only,if a women is not ready to give that what is the use whatever money she earn. breastfeed is Child right, and todays women violate it. coz child is not complaining. we men have to demand childs rights,and fight for it, and charge all women for violating it. Rekha i know you are one too.

i will give u examples of 2 families.

one family raise thier children with god fear/good education/non smoker/non alcholic and later settle in left verywell with reputation

Other family totaly reverse of above.

now whom will you leave your child, thinking he will be raised in morals ?

kutthe ka poonch seeda ho saktha hai, lekin feminists nahin.

what else define mothers love…?

Law should be same for all, as per your Law of Land (LOL) only mother should get child below 5 years right ?

– can you give birth to a child alone?were you born without mother & father?who raised you?father or mother or both?

i can show many recent judgments even father got girl child custody? so its not law of land which change colours. i can call it law of ladies, who think only mother is capable raise child better.

-if father has prooved he can take better care of the child than mother so it is as per the law.

(i think u know only injection giving doctor.-)

-but you are also not a PHD doctor but you u still use Dr. is it not wrong?

(child will not have your breastfeed when its 20 year old, it need it when its below 5 only,if a women is not ready to give that what is the use whatever money she earn. breastfeed is Child right, and todays women violate it. coz child is not complaining. we men have to demand childs rights,and fight for it, and charge all women for violating it. Rekha i know you are one too.)

more than breast milk the child has right to be NOURISHED. breast milk is recommended/adviced for first 6 months for proper nourishment. woman are very much aware of breastfeeding how it helps on sheding unwanted weight gained during pregnancy. there are many woman who have to resume work after 3 months of maternity leave(with consent of their of husband) they can not breastfeed the child. some even store the milk in refrigirator to be fed after they leave for job. child with teeth bites the mother and it is so painful but they still feed the child.

-has he not been given vaccinations on time. is he going to school and provided basic necessities of life food clothing & shelter. ARE YOU GIVING CHILD SUPPORT FOR THESE MANY YEARS?what is your responsibility towards him. have you checked his acadamic performance from the school?

how can man with such thinking be called doctor????????

(i will give u examples of 2 families.

one family raise thier children with god fear/good education/non smoker/non alcholic and later settle in left verywell with reputation

Other family totaly reverse of above.

now whom will you leave your child, thinking he will be raised in morals ?)

–are you sure you are not in the catagory-

“one family raise thier children with god fear/good education/non smoker/non alcholic and later settle in left verywell with reputation”

-can you proove if your wife/relatives cannot raise the child with the above principles.family values/morals.

you have married and moved on. but your ex has still not married that it self shows that she loves the child and may be she is struggling so much being away from child to give good education and life to child single handedly(without your support). may be she will come back to india after few years after securing her life and child. is the child not being sent to school??

woman who can keep the child safely in her womb for 9 months will never want to distroy him willingly after he is born unless she mentally not sound.

Rekha i know you are one too.

what makes u think without even knowing me.

so that itself shows you may b saying n number of bad things about your ex with out any base.

we dont want to know what feminists is.

who is misusing laws and harass her husband family. still posing like SAINTS.

we have seen many. they want husband till they get pregnent coz they cannt do alone.

so they can claim money in the name of child too. when they violate childs right by not breastfeeding. to protect their interest they say, only 6 month breastfeed is enough. i know many children in my own family, were breast feeding till they were 6 years old.

they deny and oppose even visitation to father,but they want child support.

same from husband also, they do not want husband, but they fight for his money. what a shameless creatures.

and todays feminists do not want to breastfeed even 6 days. no wonder todays generation treat such parents same way when they were old,sending them to old age home.