What is “Marital Rape” actually ?Definition
Marital rape is any unwanted sexual act by a spouse or ex-spouse, committed without consent and / or against a person’s will, obtain by force, or threat of force, intimidation, or when a person is unable to consent.
Know the Facts:
1 A marriage license does not require someone to submit to sexual contact on demand.
2 Everyone has the right to say “no” to any kind of sexual contact.
3 Forced sexual contact within a marriage or relationship is no different than if forced by a stranger.
4* Marital rape is a serious crime ??
“In India marital rape exists de facto but not de jure. While in other countries either the legislature has criminalized marital rape or the judiciary has played an active role in recognizing it as an offence, in India however, the judiciary seems to be operating at cross-purposes. In Bodhisattwa Gautam v. Subhra Chakraborty, the Supreme Court said, “rape is a crime against basic human rights and a violation of the victim’s” most cherished of fundamental rights, namely, the right to life enshrined in Article 21 of the Constitution. Yet it negates this very pronouncement by not recognizing marital rape. Though there have been some advances in Indian legislation in relation to domestic violence, this has mainly been confined to physical rather than sexual abuse. Women who experience and wish to challenge sexual violence from their husbands are currently denied State protection as the Indian law in Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code, 1860 has a general marital rape exemption.”
For everybody to know, the foundation of this exemption can be traced back to statements made by Sir Matthew Hale, C.J., in 17th century England. Hale wrote:
“The husband cannot be guilty of a rape committed by himself upon his lawful wife, for by their mutual matrimonial consent and contract, the wife hath given herself in kind unto the husband, which she cannot retract.”
This established the notion that once married, a woman does not have the right to refuse sex with her husband. This allows husbands rights of sexual access over their wives in direct contravention of the principles of human rights and provides husbands with a right to have sexual relationship with their wives.
Or else, there should be no marriage.
1 How does a husband prove that he is not guilty of Marital rape ? ref. point no. 4*
2 Isn’t it possible that the wife enjoys the intimacy and then in the morning accuses the husband of rape?
The above questions are unanswered and will remain so”¦. Says Parasar Sarvepalli of Nellore.
Rape is Rape. It is not a gender issue. But when a women do the rape (sex without mutual consent) we term it as a love, affections or it is her birth right to do the same against any men and if any men try to fight back or dear to dream of say the truth, the man will be termed as rapist instead of terming Victim of rape.
Rape is rape, regardless of the relationship between the rapist and the victim. It can be a total stranger; someone you recognize by sight, but have never really communicated with; someone you know superficially, a neighbor or a colleague; a friend, a Girl-friend or a former Girlfriend; a live-in partner, or a former partner; someone you are married to or have been married to in the past.
As per Rape law, any sex without mutual consent to be considered as “Rape” and surprisingly, the LAW assumes that the Victim of Rape is only a woman and men never face the “Rape”.
Rape is a very personal and intimate traumatic experience. Our experiences of and reactions to rape may differ widely, and although there are many similarities in the way that we feel about being the victim of rape, regardless of the relationship between us and the rapist, there are differences between stranger and intimate rape, and in this section we are trying to describe and offer an understanding of some of the specific problems regarding marital rape (or rape by an intimate) as opposed to stranger rape.
Please note that in this page we refer to wives and husbands, however, it can be understood to refer to all rapes perpetrated by an intimate. Also, we are only looking at rape and sexual assault on men, since this is by far the most common situation but never recognized by any Government or LAW makers, result we witness every year after marriage the Husbands are ending their life double than married wives as per Crime Bureau report of India, 2005, though rape and sexual abuse also occur too frequently in same-sex relationships.
Historically, all cultures have had a concept of a spouses’ conjugal right to sexual intercourse with each other to create a difference between a animal vs Human society and to stop the father less child. The proposition of Christian teaching influence in Western culture need be considered, in particular, St. Paul’s teaching, “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer” and the institution of marriage formed.
But with the time , though the women rised their voice and made new law to shut the mouth of men and gained the whole sale free licence to rape the husband as a witness we witness, even some feminist male hater ministers say openly in media that ” It is the turn to suffer the men“, “do not trust men, trust condom“.. but still Indian men prefer to keep silence than object her comment openly.
On 12/09/07 TOI report and their survey says 10% of colleage girls and 20% of boys lose virginity; as per our study most girls do not admit they had sex while in the school and many men want to boast thenself and say they experieced sex in colleage. if TOI servey is correct then 10% of boys had sex with 10% of girls then other 10% had sex with whom, thats mystrey; for that TOI has no answer, to have sex two opposite sex persons required that TOI is forgotten i think.if not other 10% boys had sex with themself or with married women ? that shows indian married women have sex with outside marriage. still indian society beleive women are victims. Apart from this 65% boys are wanted to marry same girl whom they lost their virginity; but 42% girls disagree on that, it shows they are stronger sex, or they can bed N number of men before marriage and do not regret about losing virginity.
On of the TV show hosted by NDTV in September 2007, one of the women claiming she was sexually manipulated since her marriage, saying; frist night itself her husband asked her to undress; and suing her husband for sexual advances; if in marriage husband should not indulge in sex, then why she married. As per TOI servey of 12/09/07 50% Indian men do not have sex before marriage; they wait so long till marriage, and on frist night his wife says not to touch her, then he don`t have right to ask her to undress. If he force her, he can be charged with marital rape, in India; and there is no law to guide Indian women to not to withhold sex in marriage without valid reason. Biased Indian law makers along with women organization propose sexual harassment and marital rape; but who will decide how much sex is not marital rape. Actually it should be between couples and these law makers should not interfere in personal matters of ; there should be punishment if one use force and physical harm in sex, and withholding sex to husband without valid reason should be reason for divorce. As sex is a ingredient of perfect marriage at least for first 10 years of marriage.
TOI dated 21/09/07 reported, From Delhi one 16 year old eloped with 40 years old dance teacher whom he met on internet; police caught both of them but there is no section or penal code to charge that women. If man of 40 eloped with 16 year old girl, then he will be charged with kidnap and rape, coz girl is underage. Do you still think women is a victim ? or Indian laws are not biased, towards men”¦.? Same TOI on 23 September 2007, Bombay edition on its 5th page reported Youth of 20 eloped with minor girl charged with rape, if 40 year old women eloped with minor boy, she will not be charged with rape, but 20 year old boy can be charged with rape, even that girl consented to sex, its is not only biased law, mockery of constitute, but Human rights violation.
The problem of defining marital rape as Rape:
Many women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in defining it as such. The traditional idea that it is impossible for a man to rape his wife and that somehow, in taking our marriage vows we have abdicated any say over our own body and sexuality, basically denied ourselves the right to say ‘no’, is still prevalent amongst wives as much as amongst their husbands. A wife being raped will often question her right to refuse intercourse with her husband, and while she may realise that legally it now constitutes rape, there are many reasons which may prevent her from perceiving it in such a light.
We prefer to see it possibly as a communication problem (did I make it clear enough that I did not want intercourse tonight), we may see it as an act for which the man is not fully responsible due to his nature (men have a biological need to have sex and if there is a woman next to them in bed when they are in the mood they just cannot help it), we may see it as a misunderstanding (although I told him I didn’t want to, maybe I gave him the wrong signals somehow), we may have religious issues which question our right to refuse intercourse (I have got to submit myself to him and accept his will above mine as my Lord and Master).
Basically, as wives being raped by our husbands, we look for every reason, every excuse to deny it is Rape because we do not want to accept the alternative: it is Rape, he is hurting and humiliating us with intent, we can no longer trust him, turn to him in comfort, gain reassurance and protection from his company and our home is no longer safe.
Rape is rape, regardless of the relationship between the rapist and the victim. It can be a total stranger; someone you recognize by sight, but have never really communicated with; someone you know superficially, a neighbor or a colleague; a friend, a boy-friend or a former boyfriend; a live-in partner, or a former partner; someone you are married to or have been married to in the past.
Rape is a very personal and intimate traumatic experience. Our experiences of and reactions to rape may differ widely, and although there are many similarities in the way that we feel about being the victim of rape, regardless of the relationship between us and the rapist, there are differences between stranger and intimate rape, and in this section I am trying to describe and offer an understanding of some of the specific problems regarding marital rape (or rape by an intimate) as opposed to stranger rape.
In One of the study and Paper prepared for XXV International Population Conference
Tours, France, July 18-23, 2005, shows all Indian men are rapist.
The findings presented in this paper draw from a study comprised of both survey and in-depth interviews conducted during August 2002 – October 2003. The respondents were young women who were married two years prior to the survey, young women who were pregnant for the first time, or first-time mothers up to 18 months postpartum. The study area included 24 villages in Gujarat (with a population of about 46,000) and 25 villages in West Bengal (with a population of 42,000). The respondents were identified through a rapid household listing in the study area and all eligible women identified at the time of the house listing were invited to participate in the survey. A total of 1079 women in Gujarat and 1036 women in West Bengal were interviewed.
The refusal rate was marginal in both the sites. A structured bilingual questionnaire was used to explore a wide range of issues including young women’s transition to marriage, livelihood experience, access to and control over resources, mobility, social connections, spousal communication and support, and reproductive health knowledge and practice. In order to gather additional insights about young women’s transition to marriage, partner relationships, exercise of sexual rights and level of agency/ autonomy in reproductive health matters, in-depth interviews were also carried out among 69 women (30 in Gujarat and 39 in West Bengal) who had participated in the survey.
To understand the nature of young brides’ relationships and the control they have over their bodies and sexual lives, questions were asked about a range of topics, including, the experience of first intercourse, physical abuse, decision making, and the degree to which married girls can express ““ and achieve ““ their will. In order to explore experiences of unwanted/ wanted sex, respondents were asked whether they tell their husbands when sex is not (and is) wanted and whether their husbands ‘always’, ‘sometimes’, ‘rarely’ or ‘never’ do what the girls/women wish.
In this paper, we examine the prevalence, experience and correlates of unwanted sex. This is sex that the respondent did not necessarily perceive as forced, but did categorize as against her will.
Two variables are constructed and considered: “routine unwanted sex,” i.e., women who report that their husbands rarely or never respect their wish when they deny their husbands’ sexual demands; and “occasional or routine unwanted sex,” i.e., women who report that their husbands sometimes, rarely or never respect their wish when they deny their husbands sexual demands. In this paper, we explore the issue of unwanted sexual experiences only among the sub sample of respondents who articulated their preference about when sex is not wanted to their husbands.
These girls constitute 70% of the total sample in Gujarat and 89% in West Bengal. We acknowledge that many women who never expressed their sexual preference may also have experienced unwanted sexual experiences.
If these women do not want to have sex once a week, and gives odd reason to avoid, then why they get marry Ask Rudolph Dsouza, a ITS Engineer for IBM Middle East.
These women organization just survey from women only without checking husbands situation; in same paper, they portrait man as rapist and always wanted to have sex, as per statements taken from these women below;
“Nothing happens [when I say no], he keeps ignoring whatever I say. He will listen to me only one or two days” [Recently married woman, Gujarat]
“He listens sometimes and he doesn’t listen sometimes” [First time mother, Gujarat]
“My husband sometimes listens to me when I say ‘no’ to him for sex and sometimes, he doesn’t listen. Very rare, once or twice in a month, he does sex forcefully” [Recently married woman, West Bengal]
“Not always, but rarely, once in 4-5 months he does that” [First time pregnant woman,West Bengal]
“He forces me often for sex. We have sex 3-4 days a week. In one month, he has coerced sex 4-5 days. I do not feel like having sex, it becomes painful, but he does not stop ” [First time mother, West Bengal]
Findings from the in-depth interviews in Gujarat also allude to the circumstances in which women have sex even when they do not wish to, but did not articulate their wish to their husbands for fear of abandonment or quarrel and in some cases, because of affection for their husbands.”I don’t like it “¦If I tell, then he won’t listen. My bhabhi [sister-in-law] didn’t allow her husband to touch her. He divorced her. I feel that if I don’t allow my husband to touch me,he may divorce me. That’s why I allow him” [First time pregnant woman, Gujarat]
“If he is interested and if I say no, how will he feel? He will think that my wife told me like this”¦ I do feel scared because men these days are like that. They have sex with other women. That’s why I don’t say no [even when I don’t want to have sex]” [First time mother, Gujarat]
“[I do not say ‘no’ to my husband’s sexual demands]. What will I get after giving pain to his heart? If he likes it, then let him be happy and it does not matter even if I am not willing for it — if he is happy, then I am also happy” [First time mother, Gujarat]
Mosy funny part is, in same report “He does not force me during my menstruation. When I don’t feel good or don’t feel like having sex, I say no to him. That time, he doesn’t listen to me. My husband comes home twice every month and if I say no, he does not listen to me. I accept whatever he says. I don’t get angry and I never tried to make him understand” [First time mother, West Bengal]. If women is not allow man to have sex once in a 15 days what he has to do; what is the use getting married and spending thousands of rupees on wives, or why these Indian women want to marry..?
The Law Commission in one of its Report dated March, 2000 had recommended that laws relating to rape (Sec 375 IPC) be made gender neutral.
It had deliberated upon widening the scope of offence under Sec 375 & 376 IPC, and also that it be made more comprehensive to bring it in tune with current times.
But the recommendation was not accepted. Why ? ; asks Nagraj Thadur of Bangalore.
Sex or comment of sex, without mutual consent is termed as rape/sexual harassment as per LAW , then why it considered that men does not face the same situation?”
Can our Lawmaker will ever able to replace the word” Men/women” by the word ” person” and “husband/wife” word by the word “Spouse”?
As per Indian law, if married women involved in sex outside marriage that will not be valid reason for divorce, but husband should not go to other women. Even women caught
Red handed, she will awarded alimony and child custody. Man forced to pay, at the cost of her lust. for Indian judiciary Indian women always a victim even she involved in extramarital affairs. It means Indian law system support prostitution in married life, and trying to make bastard future citizen by awarding alimony to a women, even she has child from other man, when she is married to one [ Bombay High court verdict ]
If wife enjoys at night and next morning she will charge husband with marital rape; then how to judge between sex and rape ?
Who will decide how much sex is not rape ?
For Indian women sex is a bargaining tool to get things done from husband; if she withhold sex for no reason; when her desire is not fulfilled by husband, what husband has to do. In this situation man will not get Divorce as per biased Indian judiciary. And she cann`t be charged under breach of trust either. AS per TOI 10/09/07, 312, indian commit suicide everyday, Now you know why men commit suicide
As per constitute of India, in the eyes of Indian judiciary all citizens are equal and there is no difference in gender caste or colour, then why this bias, why this step mother policy or partiality. Or its mockery of constitution. But i`m sure its sabotage of Institute of marriage and hidden agenda of women organizations to break family system.
Authors : Rudolph Dsouza