— As told to Victor Bright
JOHN WAS MARRIED TO ROBY AND, ACCORDING TO JOHN, THEY HAD A HAPPY FAMILY LIFE WITH THEIR TWO CHILDREN. BUT ROBY WAS HIDING A HUGE SECRET.
If anyone had asked me if my wife loved me, I would have answered, “Absolutely!”
she treated me with love and care, we never had a ‘cross’ word and I thought she would do anything for me. she never gave me any reason to feel jealous or unloved. she was a wonderful mother to our children, we have a son and a daughter. I had a good job and supported us very well. She worked part-time as a fitness trainer and I loved juggling fatherhood with my work. I loved my little family. Life was good.
The only problem is a few years ago, Roby stopped sleeping with me. She told me she was having sexual problems, something that she’d never had trouble with before. I suggested she get some help and she told me she went to the doctor who broke the news that she had sexual dysfunction.
‘My wife stopped sleeping with me‘
she didn’t give me many details — I thought she was just being shy about it. And I didn’t blame her as I’m not really open when it comes to talking about anything sexual, particularly if it’s something embarrassing.
I asked her what happens next and she said she’ll start to “explore treatment options”. I just accepted that as the truth.
she started sleeping in the spare room and I told her that wasn’t necessary. she told me she felt guilty for not having sex with me and she’d just deal with it better if she was in the spare room for a while. Again, I just let it be, I didn’t want to hassle her and I just assumed she would get some treatment and we’d resume our sex life. I wouldn’t say I had a very high libido, so it wasn’t a huge problem for me right away.
she said, ‘I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.’ Then six months went past. When I gently brought up the topic of treatment, she got angry with me and said she’d have treatment in her own time. I’d been googling the issue and knew that there were some relatively simple methods to use.
Another six months came and went and during that time, we’d taken the kids to Fiji for a holiday. We were in a beautiful, romantic location but she wouldn’t touch me — I don’t just mean sexually, she wouldn’t even cuddle or kiss me. That’s when I started to suspect something was seriously wrong. she’d always been very affectionate with me in the past.
‘That’s when I knew something was seriously wrong‘
When we got home from Fiji I thought I should start a conversation about all this sensitive stuff. I asked her if there was any reason why she hadn’t done anything about her sexual issues and her face just fell. she said, “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” she confessed that he’s been having an affair with her BOSS for the last 18 months and she needed to leave the family.
My first thought was, oh well, I know she hasn’t been having sex. So I asked, “So this is a totally non-sexual thing?” she looked at me and said nothing and I could just tell by the look on her face that the sexual dysfunction story was a lie.
The weird thing about that whole saga is that she later told me the reason she stopped sleeping with me is because she didn’t want to be sleeping with two men at the same time.
In some ways she was trying to do the right thing by me — or maybe the right thing by her mister? I’ll never know. We divorced and now she’s married to him.
It’s been two years and I’m still pretty shell-shocked. I’ll never get over it.