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Hi Padma,

I really had to go through many times to analyze different pieces. This is what I think. I may be wrong. But I feel you should relax and give a deep thinking on your situation. Don’t take any hasty decision without analyzing the consequences. You are the Capitan or your own ship and destiny.

No matter what, no one should be spared if you are physically abused. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE. No one has any right to physically abuse you. But let me ask you this question (or analyze them yourself).

What lead to the physical abuse?

What are those little things that lead differences between you both?

What type of a person is he? By what you explained I believe yours is a love marriage. Don’t you know him in detail before marriage or is he a changed person?

Does he have an anger management issue or do you drive him to his limit with your endless arguments when he is not willing or not in a position to talk.

Instead of endless yelling at each other, have you ever felt that you both have to sit down and discuss to sort out issues between you both. You seem to be employed and you know what exactly you want. At the age of 28, don’t you think whether its right or not to consult your neighbors for your personal problems? OR to comment on sex CD’s that were brought by your sis-in-law and her husband? Its her personal life and why do you want to comment? My point is, different people will take your comment in different sense at different times. As much as you don’t want someone to get into your (both of your) very personal issues, your hubby might not have liked your commenting on his sister. Just think, did you comment more than once? Did you comment with others too?

You might have been arguing on silly issue. You got to know where to stop and when to say sorry. This applies to everyone. I know someone who argues endlessly at home when the kids are around and there will be a cold war for weeks and months. Understand the impact of this on the kids, parents and well-wishers.

Just think, talking to 3 neighbors and 3 lawyers will leave you with more questions than answers. When something is going out of control, you should have involved your parents. Only your parents know what’s “in your best interest”. Not your neighbors or lawyers.

Did you ever make an attempt to find why your husband is spending 1 hour at his aunt’s house? Instead of solving the problem, you went an extra step asking him to have his lunch there itself. I am convenience that there should have been a heated argument on this. I am someone who believes strongly that threatening in a relationship will not work. Relationship will not work where there is a fear, insecurity and/or threatening. I am not trying to find fault with you. Probably all these questions will help you in thinking and analyzing the situation.

I am sorry for the act of your mother in law. But trust me, its very common for the parent to take their son’s (or their child’s) side.

See, no couple is perfect. Every couple have up’s and downs. And I don’t think this is a very complex issue (wish I am correct on this). Any problem can be resolved by discussing with a rational thought process. Using elders on both sides might help. But when you discuss with both of your parents, I am sure you both will bring out weaknesses in each other. But you got to resolve those differences and make sure both of you identify what works and what does not. But if its too complicated, don’t you think its better to go in different directions? You got to think this in long term rather than short term. If both of you are not happy in this marriage and if its not working, a midst of all this chaos, confusion and no-trust, you bring in a child (hope you don’t have a kid and you are not pregnant yet. If so, don’t plan a kid soon). How will the kid have better life when you both are not compatible? Most of the people think that bring a kid in family will end all family problems. But that’s very wrong thinking. If something is not right between parents, it has long term impact on kids. Physiologist say that kids tend to take the blame.

But please, don’t live together for the sake of your parents or society. You got to live only if there is true love and respect for each other.

Do not wage a war listening to your neighbors and lawyers. You can go legally and get an order to stay with your husband. Use that as a last resort but understand that it will have a different impact on relationship. Hope you get me. I wish you good luck.