Reply To: MARRIAGE LIFE AND PROBLEMS

Hi Padma,

Human relations between couple can be as simple as possible as fiends and as complicated as possible like bilateral ties of two enemy countries.

As an adult you got to know when to argue (or yell) and when to talk & let things go.

You got to know that fine line between trust and insecurity.

Many of the women mess up their peaceful life just due to insecurity and the famous term they quote is “being possessive”. Can you assess? In the process of being possessive, you might have started controlling and this could be without (or with) your knowledge. You got to know when to back off with your heated arguments and yelling when you are pushing your man to his limits. I am not trying to find fault with you. You got to know the human dynamics when emotions of multiple people are involved.

There is a very famous saying. There is a woman behind every mans success but also there is a women behind every women’s failure. And that woman could be your co-sister. The reaction and human dynamics between your co-sis and her husband might be way different than between you and your husband. What I want to explain is “no two people are same and no solution is same for two couples”. If you think slapping your husband would solve, then probably you got to think twice. I know that you don’t have such intentions. But believe me, building trust takes twice the time and breaking would only take half the time. By your explanation, I feel your in-laws are have taken in the sense that you are threatening them. In a relation, you got to know two golden rules and how to use them appropriately. They are:

1. I am sorry

2. I love you

Probably your in-laws are expecting the first one and your husband is expecting both. There is absolutely no harm is saying sorry if that makes someone feel better (pl., I don’t mean that you should take some crazy blame). Trust me; it comes a long way for you. Ego and anger cannot sustain a relation. When its appropriate, explain your hubby how much you love him. I am sure, if he did a mistake, he will not hesitate to apologize.

And what ever is happening in hubby’s office or his boss, why do you care? I don’t think any educated boss would talk ill about women or office. Because that’s his work place. No one would insult their work or profession.

OR are you under influence of your co-sis that’s making you think all negative about his work place and people (or do you have too much time to think only negative). The more and more I read of what you are trying to convey, I have a stronger feeling that your insecurity is peeving into your martial life. Please, give yourself and your hubby some time and think rationally. See if you both can get out for a short vacation.

Please, I am not trying to find fault with you. You just got to understand each other. My only aim is to save a family who loves each other. Which I see in you but you got to express it to him minus your yelling and insecurity. There is only one reason to save a marriage and that is both of you love each other. But just look around you get hundreds of reasons to break.

My best wishes.

Regards,

James.