These are few mails between a NRI Women and me, it a example how they react and they Love to see husbands old parents and his sisters are harassed with false case on them.
She sent link of 2 comment where it says 498A is wisely used.
I wrote >>
thats opinion of just 2 people;
we have 6000 plus families who says its 100% false.
i can creat a thread in yahoo answers and say its 100% false and i can get more reply to the same than the link you sent.
She replied. >>
Come on!!! This is what needs to change. Am I saying it’s 100% true? Then why do you have to argue that it’s 100% false?
This is just fanatism.
All I was asking you is to think about it. Instead what’s your problem – what do you want – just fight?
Do you think your being adamant is perfect? So much anger against any person is not good for anyone.
You already have a strong network who believe that it is 100% false. You go on rallies, protests, write caustic blogs and anything and everything which has negative connotation. So, no doubt you can get 10000 plus families. That’s not that big a deal.
The big deal is to bring the change, talk about the solutions rather than just keep fighting and protesting creating more problems.
To me, it looks like you are not ready for constructive thinking. I don’t want to fight or argue further.
I Replied >>
im not against Women, and we fight aginst only those who misuse laws to harass;
for us, men its ok to go to jail, we dont mind, but along with us, it drags our old aged parents and married sisters along with their breastfed babies too.
and as you wrote, many true cases ignored because of your own kind who misuse such laws.
and we have female members in MyNation Foundation who fight for their broters, and Sisters who are harassed by their husband families.
we fight because government is not ready to listen to make laws gender equal because feminists blocks them and make money out of other women problems.
they get more than 7 crore grant every year, if you ask them where that money goes, they have no answer but reports of harassment of women is not decreased either.
go to any women forum, and ask them, and see what they will advice, no need to say, they will advice you to file false case on her husband family only.
so it is not us, men to change. it is your own kind to think, you are not subordinate but you want equal status and ready to take equal responsibility too.
She replied. >>
Please go ahead and fight. Neither will you nor your old aged parents, married sisters and their breastfed babies will have peace!!!
I was talking for peaceful resolution.
And what do you mean by “own kind”? I’m a well-educated NRI working girl. I have seen quite a few of my friends suffering without having filed any 498a cases. Are your organizations accounting for that suffering? Their husbands have harassed, divorced and married another girl while the poor girls are suffering without being able to prove. And these friends of mine are also well-educated NRI working girls!!! It’s amounting to so much that they are losing interest in their career, getting frustrated and depressed for the injustice meted by men. Well, they approached their mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law and everyone they could to save the relationship, but male-ego wouldn’t let any of them hear the girl’s voice. Why does the girl complain if she’s well-treated in a family? I’m not a feminist in any sense.
What do you mean by misuse? I read your link and the Karan Thappar’s interview with Renuka Choudhary. The man was asking if calling the girl’s relative “ass” is abuse. Why not? Would a man take if a woman calls any of his relatives(his mother, father or sister) “ass”!!! More than 75% of Indian men would immediately start a big fight. While the same men expect women to shut their mouths. Men can be sarcastic, but women cannot!!! And often these men just don’t say it once, they make such repeated sarcastic comments repeatedly.
Female members in your organizations is the root cause of the entire problem. These women should have empathized with other women. Is there even a single man in women’s organizations? Do men really come forward to fight for women’s issues. Unfortunately, NO. Then why should women members fight for your organization. That is only because you are their son or brother. So, it’s a man who divides women. But, never did a woman try to divide men. Such great men you all are!!! Hats off for your intelligence!!!
By the way do you know that there is a difference between equality and equal dignity.
Equality is a static process. It talks about laws, rules, rights, etc. These are well-defined.
Equal dignity is a dynamic process. All of us need to adapt depending on the circumstances. Each incident teaches us how we should treat the other person.
Yes, fighting may be a solution for equality but not equal dignity. But what is essential for you, me and for the generations to come is equal dignity not equality. In all my communication, I’m maintaining equal dignity but unfortunately you are not.
Please provide me links for women’s forums where they discuss about men in such caustic tone. I’ll definitely raise my concerns if they are just bitching against men without concrete results. I could find only these anti-women forums, but not women forums. This itself proves how much male-dominated our society is. And such an organization which keeps talking negatively of women fights for gender equality. Isn’t it ridiculous? Gender equality means you have to be unbiased. You have to empathize with hundreds of other women who are truly suffering (instead of branding every case as false). That’s probably the reason no legislation is happening after reading your blogs, articles, caustic comments, etc. Try to be unbiased first.
Men – you need to wake up. Women cannot bring the change without men’s support. And the change that you are requesting is incorrect. Fight for women issues too. As I said, I’m not saying all women are good. But at the same time you need to understand whatever you are writing about women, the same qualities could be there in men too. And to be honest since our society has been over the years male-dominated, the qualities that you write in your blogs about women (greedy, lies before marriage, infidelity, control, asking to leave man’s siblings/parents) are actually more common among men. Please don’t think about your specific case.
Think bigger and stop this narrow thinking.
Our mothers and grand mothers never would have filed these cases. More of these cases are being filed by women only because women have changed.
What is missing is – men’s change!!! This is the harsh reality for all the men folks. If you want women to change more and more, then there will be no institution of marriage, no bright future for the kids, no trust, no love and nothing in the society. This is what happened in westernized countries and that’s the reason for divorce rate being 50% and hardly any kids stay with parents after they turn 16. Is this what you want Indian society to be like? Whether you want it or not, if you continue to fight like this without finding solution, this is what will happen. It’s your choice – whether you want to change your mind and then try to change your friends mind and so on.
I’m not sure of your background and if all this even makes sense. I think I’m trying to do my bit for a better society. I’m neither a supporter of organizations like you nor of feminist organizations. That’s the reason I’m trying to reach both kind of organizations. There are a few like-minded people like me and among them there are a few men too. We’ll see what we can do!! We might fail because of your and feminists fights, but please don’t bother about us. You continue with your fight against the woman who has harassed you, poor old-aged parents, married sisters with breast-fed babies. After your fight is over and she eventually gives up or compromises (even though it might not be false), I hope you would continue to help your other male friends. Otherwise, you would be branded as selfish, isn’t it?
Wish you the very best.